Tajikistan Taxis

Well, I made it. I’m in Dushanbe, Tajikistan, alive and well. The plane arrived around 3:30 a.m. and it took at least an hour to go through immigration and customs. Actually, it took mere minutes to go through immigration and customs, but an hour to wait for the luggage to be brought out. I’m fairly certain there was one guy unloading the entire plane and he clearly was in no hurry.

When I finally emerged from the airport to meet my contact, I scanned the crowd for someone holding a sign with my name. No luck. As I made my way through the parking lot, I was engulfed by a pack of middle aged men. In turn they approached me with a mixture of the shy caution and the sly manner of someone fencing stolen goods or front-row tickets to a playoff game. Based on their expressions, I expected to be offered heroin or a prostitute. They gave me a little head nod and quietly uttered, “Taxi?”

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2010 SOTU in Swedish Chef

Recently I came across this web page that translates English into Swedish Chef, Jive, Valley Girl and Pig Latin. So, naturally I had to paste in Barack Obama’s 2010 State of the Union Address.


Oh, and the original.

Anyway, without further ado, the 2010 State of the Union address in Swedish Chef:

THE PRESIDENT: Medem Speeker, Feece-a Preseedent Beedee, members ooff Cungress, deestingooished gooests, und felloo Emereecuns: Oooor Cunsteetooshun decleres thet frum teeme-a tu teeme-a, zee Preseedent shell geefe-a tu Cungress inffurmeshun ebuoot zee stete-a ooff oooor uneeun.

Fur 220 yeers, oooor leeders hefe-a foolffeelled thees dooty.

Zeey’fe-a dune-a su dooreeng pereeuds ooff pruspereety und trunqooeelity.

Und zeey’fe-a dune-a su in zee meedst ooff ver und depresseeun; et muments ooff greet streeffe-a und greet strooggle-a.

It’s tempteeng tu luuk beck oon zeese-a muments und essoome-a thet oooor prugress ves inefeeteble-a -– thet Emereeca ves elveys desteened tu soocceed.

Boot vhee zee Uneeun ves toorned beck et Booll Roon, und zee Elleees furst lunded et Oomeha Beech, feectury ves fery mooch in duoobt.

Vhee zee merket creshed oon Bleck Tooesdey, und ceefil reeghts merchers vere-a beetee oon Bluudy Soondey, zee footoore-a ves unytheeng boot certeeen.

Zeese-a vere-a zee teemes thet tested zee cuoorege-a ooff oooor cunfeecshuns, und zee strengt ooff oooor uneeun.

Und despeete-a ell oooor deefisiuns und deesegreements, oooor heseeteshuns und oooor feers, Emereeca prefeeeled becoose-a ve-a chuse-a tu mufe-a furverd es oone-a neshun, es oone-a peuple-a.

Egeeen, ve-a ere-a tested.

Und egeeen, ve-a moost unsver heestury’s cell.

Oone-a yeer egu, I tuuk ooffffeece-a emeed tvu vers, un icunumy rucked by a sefere-a recesseeun, a feenunciel system oon zee ferge-a ooff cullepse-a, und a gufernment deeply in debt.

Ixperts frum ecruss zee puleeticel spectroom verned thet iff ve-a deed nut ect, ve-a meeght fece-a a secund depresseeun.

Su ve-a ected -– immedeeetely und eggresseefely.

Und oone-a yeer leter, zee vurst ooff zee sturm hes pessed.

Boot zee defesteshun remeeens.

Oone-a in 10 Emereecuns steell cunnut feend vurk.

Muny booseenesses hefe-a shoottered.

Hume-a felooes hefe-a decleened.

Smell toons und roorel cummooneeties hefe-a beee heet ispeceeelly herd.

Und fur thuse-a vhu’d elreedy knoon puferty, leeffe-a hes becume-a thet mooch herder.

Thees recesseeun hes elsu cumpuoonded zee boordens thet Emereece’s femeelies hefe-a beee deeleeng veet fur decedes –- zee boordee ooff vurkeeng herder und lunger fur less; ooff beeeng uneble-a tu sefe-a inuoogh tu reture-a oor help keeds veet cullege-a.

Su I knoo zee unxeeeties thet ere-a oooot zeere-a reeght noo.

Zeey’re-a nut noo.

Zeese-a strooggles ere-a zee reesun I run fur Preseedent.

Zeese-a strooggles ere-a vhet I’fe-a veetnessed fur yeers in pleces leeke-a Ilkhert, Indeeuna; Gelesboorg, Illeenuis.

I heer ebuoot zeem in zee letters thet I reed iech neeght.

Zee tuooghest tu reed ere-a thuse-a vreettee by cheeldree -– eskeeng vhy zeey hefe-a tu mufe-a frum zeeur hume-a, eskeeng vhee zeeur mum oor ded veell be-a eble-a tu gu beck tu vurk.

Fur zeese-a Emereecuns und su muny oozeers, chunge-a hes nut cume-a fest inuoogh.

Sume-a ere-a froostreted; sume-a ere-a ungry.

Zeey dun’t understund vhy it seems leeke-a bed behefeeur oon Vell Street is rooerded, boot herd vurk oon Meeen Street isn’t; oor vhy Vesheengtun hes beee uneble-a oor unveelling tu sulfe-a uny ooff oooor prublems.

Zeey’re-a tured ooff zee perteesunship und zee shuooteeng und zee petteeness.

Zeey knoo ve-a cun‘t effffurd it.

Nut noo.

Su ve-a fece-a beeg und deefffficoolt chellenges.

Und vhet zee Emereecun peuple-a hupe-a -– vhet zeey deserfe-a -– is fur ell ooff us, Demucrets und Repoobleecuns, tu vurk thruoogh oooor deefffferences; tu oofercume-a zee noombeeng veeeght ooff oooor puleetics.

Fur vheele-a zee peuple-a vhu sent us here-a hefe-a deefffferent beckgruoonds, deefffferent stureees, deefffferent beleeeffs, zee unxeeeties zeey fece-a ere-a zee seme-a.

Zee espureshuns zeey huld ere-a shered: a jub thet peys zee beells; a chunce-a tu get eheed; must ooff ell, zee ebeelity tu geefe-a zeeur cheeldree a better leeffe-a.

Yuoo knoo vhet ilse-a zeey shere-a? Zeey shere-a a stoobburn reseelience-a in zee fece-a ooff edferseety.

Effter oone-a ooff zee must deefffficoolt yeers in oooor heestury, zeey remeeen boosy booeelding cers und teecheeng keeds, sterteeng booseenesses und gueeng beck tu schuul.

Zeey’re-a cuecheeng Leettle-a Leegooe-a und helpeeng zeeur neeeghburs.

Oone-a vumun vrute-a tu me-a und seeed, “Ve-a ere-a streeened boot hupeffool, strooggleeng boot incuooreged.” It’s becoose-a ooff thees spureet -– thees greet decency und greet strengt -– thet I hefe-a nefer beee mure-a hupeffool ebuoot Emereece’s footoore-a thun I em tuneeght.

(Epploose-a.) Despeete-a oooor herdsheeps, oooor uneeun is strung.

Ve-a du nut geefe-a up.

Ve-a du nut qooeet.

Ve-a du nut elloo feer oor deefisiun tu breek oooor spureet.

In thees noo decede-a, it’s teeme-a zee Emereecun peuple-a get a gufernment thet metches zeeur decency; thet imbudeees zeeur strengt.

(Epploose-a.) Und tuneeght, tuneeght I’d leeke-a tu telk ebuoot hoo tugezeer ve-a cun deleefer oon thet prumeese-a.

It begeens veet oooor icunumy.

Oooor must urgent tesk upun tekeeng ooffffeece-a ves tu shure-a up zee seme-a bunks thet helped coose-a thees creesis.

It ves nut iesy tu du.

Und iff zeere’s oone-a theeng thet hes uneeffied Demucrets und Repoobleecuns, und iferybudy in betveee, it’s thet ve-a ell heted zee bunk beeeluoot.

I heted it — (epploose-a.) I heted it.

Yuoo heted it.

It ves ebuoot es pupooler es a ruut cunel.

(Looghter.) Boot vhee I run fur Preseedent, I prumeesed I vuooldn’t joost du vhet ves pupooler -– I vuoold du vhet ves necessery.

Und iff ve-a hed ellooed zee meltdoon ooff zee feenunciel system, unempluyment meeght be-a duooble-a vhet it is tudey.

Mure-a booseenesses vuoold certeeenly hefe-a clused.

Mure-a humes vuoold hefe-a soorely beee lust.

Su I sooppurted zee lest edmeenistreshun’s iffffurts tu creete-a zee feenunciel rescooe-a prugrem.

Und vhee ve-a tuuk thet prugrem oofer, ve-a mede-a it mure-a trunsperent und mure-a eccuoonteble-a.

Und es a resoolt, zee merkets ere-a noo stebeelized, und ve’fe-a recufered must ooff zee muney ve-a spent oon zee bunks.

(Epploose-a.) Must boot nut ell.

Tu recufer zee rest, I’fe-a prupused a fee-a oon zee beeggest bunks.

(Epploose-a.) Noo, I knoo Vell Street isn’t keee oon thees idea.

Boot iff zeese-a furms cun effffurd tu hund oooot beeg bunooses egeeen, zeey cun effffurd a mudest fee-a tu pey beck zee texpeyers vhu rescooed zeem in zeeur teeme-a ooff need.

(Epploose-a.) Noo, es ve-a stebeelized zee feenunciel system, ve-a elsu tuuk steps tu get oooor icunumy grooeeng egeeen, sefe-a es muny jubs es pusseeble-a, und help Emereecuns vhu hed becume-a unempluyed.

Thet‘s vhy ve-a ixtended oor increesed unempluyment beneffeets fur mure-a thun 18 meelliun Emereecuns; mede-a heelt insoorunce-a 65 percent cheeper fur femeelies vhu get zeeur cuferege-a thruoogh COBRA; und pessed 25 deefffferent tex coots.

Noo, let me-a repeet: Ve-a coot texes.

Ve-a coot texes fur 95 percent ooff vurkeeng femeelies.

(Epploose-a.) Ve-a coot texes fur smell booseenesses.

Ve-a coot texes fur furst-teeme-a humebooyers.

Ve-a coot texes fur perents tryeeng tu cere-a fur zeeur cheeldree.

Ve-a coot texes fur 8 meelliun Emereecuns peyeeng fur cullege-a.

(Epploose-a.) I thuooght I’d get sume-a epploose-a oon thet oone-a.

(Looghter und epploose-a.) Es a resoolt, meelliuns ooff Emereecuns hed mure-a tu spend oon ges und fuud und oozeer necesseeties, ell ooff vheech helped booseenesses keep mure-a vurkers.

Und ve-a hefen’t reeesed incume-a texes by a seengle-a deeme-a oon a seengle-a persun.

Nut a seengle-a deeme-a.

(Epploose-a.) Becoose-a ooff zee steps ve-a tuuk, zeere-a ere-a ebuoot tvu meelliun Emereecuns vurkeeng reeght noo vhu vuoold oozeerveese-a be-a unempluyed.

(Epploose-a.) Tvu hoondred thuoosund vurk in cunstroocshun und cleun inergy; 300,000 ere-a teechers und oozeer idooceshun vurkers.

Tens ooff thuoosunds ere-a cups, fureffeeghters, currecshunel ooffffeecers, furst respunders.

(Epploose-a.) Und ve’re-a oon treck tu edd unuzeer oone-a und a helff meelliun jubs tu thees tutel by zee ind ooff zee yeer.

Zee plun thet hes mede-a ell ooff thees pusseeble-a, frum zee tex coots tu zee jubs, is zee Recufery Ect.

(Epploose-a.) Thet’s reeght -– zee Recufery Ect, elsu knoon es zee steemooloos beell.

(Epploose-a.) Icunumeests oon zee lefft und zee reeght sey thees beell hes helped sefe-a jubs und efert deesester.

Boot yuoo dun’t hefe-a tu teke-a zeeur vurd fur it.

Telk tu zee smell booseeness in Phueneex thet veell treeple-a its vurkffurce-a becoose-a ooff zee Recufery Ect.

Telk tu zee veendoo munooffectoorer in Pheeledelphia vhu seeed he-a used tu be-a skepteecel ebuoot zee Recufery Ect, unteel he-a hed tu edd tvu mure-a vurk sheeffts joost becoose-a ooff zee booseeness it creeted.

Telk tu zee seengle-a teecher reeesing tvu keeds vhu ves tuld by her preencipel in zee lest veek ooff schuul thet becoose-a ooff zee Recufery Ect, she-a vuooldn’t be-a leeed ooffff effter ell.

Zeere-a ere-a stureees leeke-a thees ell ecruss Emereeca.

Und effter tvu yeers ooff recesseeun, zee icunumy is grooeeng egeeen.

Returement foonds hefe-a sterted tu geeen beck sume-a ooff zeeur felooe-a.

Booseenesses ere-a begeenning tu infest egeeen, und slooly sume-a ere-a sterteeng tu hure-a egeeen.

Boot I reeleeze-a thet fur ifery sooccess stury, zeere-a ere-a oozeer stureees, ooff mee und vumee vhu veke-a up veet zee ungooeesh ooff nut knooeeng vhere-a zeeur next peycheck veell cume-a frum; vhu send oooot resoomes veek effter veek und heer nutheeng in respunse-a.

Thet is vhy jubs moost be-a oooor noomber-oone-a fucoos in 2010, und thet’s vhy I’m celleeng fur a noo jubs beell tuneeght.

(Epploose-a.) Noo, zee trooe-a ingeene-a ooff jub creeshun in thees cuoontry veell elveys be-a Emereece’s booseenesses.

(Epploose-a.) Boot gufernment cun creete-a zee cundeeshuns necessery fur booseenesses tu ixpund und hure-a mure-a vurkers.

Ve-a shuoold stert vhere-a must noo jubs du –- in smell booseenesses, cumpuneees thet begeen vhee — (epploose-a) — cumpuneees thet begeen vhee un intrepreneoor — vhee un intrepreneoor tekes a chunce-a oon a dreem, oor a vurker deceedes it’s teeme-a she-a beceme-a her oovn buss.

Thruoogh sheer greet und determeeneshun, zeese-a cumpuneees hefe-a veezeered zee recesseeun und zeey’re-a reedy tu groo.

Boot vhee yuoo telk tu smell booseenessooners in pleces leeke-a Ellentoon, Pennsylfuneea, oor Ilyreea, Ooheeu, yuoo feend oooot thet ifee thuoogh bunks oon Vell Street ere-a lendeeng egeeen, zeey’re-a mustly lendeeng tu beegger cumpuneees.

Feenuncing remeeens deefffficoolt fur smell booseenessooners ecruss zee cuoontry, ifee thuse-a thet ere-a mekeeng a pruffeet.

Su tuneeght, I’m prupuseeng thet ve-a teke-a $30 beelliun ooff zee muney Vell Street bunks hefe-a repeeed und use-a it tu help cummooneety bunks geefe-a smell booseenesses zee credeet zeey need tu stey effluet.

(Epploose-a.) I’m elsu prupuseeng a noo smell booseeness tex credeet -– oone-a thet veell gu tu oofer oone-a meelliun smell booseenesses vhu hure-a noo vurkers oor reeese-a veges.

(Epploose-a.) Vheele-a ve’re-a et it, let’s elsu ileeminete-a ell cepeetel geeens texes oon smell booseeness infestment, und prufeede-a a tex incenteefe-a fur ell lerge-a booseenesses und ell smell booseenesses tu infest in noo plunts und iqooeepment.

(Epploose-a.) Next, ve-a cun poot Emereecuns tu vurk tudey booeelding zee inffrestrooctoore-a ooff tumurroo.

(Epploose-a.) Frum zee furst reeelrueds tu zee Interstete-a Heeghvey System, oooor neshun hes elveys beee booeelt tu cumpete-a.

Zeere’s nu reesun Ioorupe-a oor Cheena shuoold hefe-a zee festest treeens, oor zee noo fectureees thet munooffectoore-a cleun inergy prudoocts.

Tumurroo, I’ll feesit Tempa, Flureeda, vhere-a vurkers veell suun breek gruoond oon a noo heegh-speed reeelrued foonded by zee Recufery Ect.

(Epploose-a.) Zeere-a ere-a prujects leeke-a thet ell ecruss thees cuoontry thet veell creete-a jubs und help mufe-a oooor neshun’s guuds, serfeeces, und inffurmeshun.

(Epploose-a.) Ve-a shuoold poot mure-a Emereecuns tu vurk booeelding cleun inergy feceelities — (epploose-a) — und geefe-a rebetes tu Emereecuns vhu meke-a zeeur humes mure-a inergy-iffffeecient, vheech sooppurts cleun inergy jubs.

(Epploose-a.) Und tu incuoorege-a zeese-a und oozeer booseenesses tu stey veethin oooor burders, it is teeme-a tu feenelly slesh zee tex breeks fur cumpuneees thet sheep oooor jubs oofersees, und geefe-a thuse-a tex breeks tu cumpuneees thet creete-a jubs reeght here-a in zee Uneeted Stetes ooff Emereeca.

(Epploose-a.) Noo, zee Huoose-a hes pessed a jubs beell thet incloodes sume-a ooff zeese-a steps.

(Epploose-a.) Es zee furst oorder ooff booseeness thees yeer, I urge-a zee Senete-a tu du zee seme-a, und I knoo zeey veell.

(Epploose-a.) Zeey veell.

(Epploose-a.) Peuple-a ere-a oooot ooff vurk.

Zeey’re-a hoorteeng.

Zeey need oooor help.

Und I vunt a jubs beell oon my desk veethuoot deley.

(Epploose-a.) Boot zee troot is, zeese-a steps vun’t meke-a up fur zee sefee meelliun jubs thet ve’fe-a lust oofer zee lest tvu yeers.

Zee oonly vey tu mufe-a tu fooll impluyment is tu ley a noo fuoondeshun fur lung-term icunumeec groot, und feenelly eddress zee prublems thet Emereece’s femeelies hefe-a cunffrunted fur yeers.

Ve-a cun’t effffurd unuzeer su-celled icunumeec “ixpunseeun” leeke-a zee oone-a frum zee lest decede-a –- vhet sume-a cell zee “lust decede-a” -– vhere-a jubs groo mure-a slooly thun dooreeng uny preeur ixpunseeun; vhere-a zee incume-a ooff zee eferege-a Emereecun huoosehuld decleened vheele-a zee cust ooff heelt cere-a und tooeeshun reeched recurd heeghs; vhere-a pruspereety ves booeelt oon a huooseeng boobble-a und feenunciel specooleshun.

Frum zee dey I tuuk ooffffeece-a, I’fe-a beee tuld thet eddresseeng oooor lerger chellenges is tuu embeetiuoos; sooch un iffffurt vuoold be-a tuu cuntenteeuoos.

I’fe-a beee tuld thet oooor puleeticel system is tuu greedlucked, und thet ve-a shuoold joost poot theengs oon huld fur a vheele-a.

Fur thuse-a vhu meke-a zeese-a cleeems, I hefe-a oone-a seemple-a qooesshun: Hoo lung shuoold ve-a veeet? Hoo lung shuoold Emereeca poot its footoore-a oon huld? (Epploose-a.) Yuoo see-a, Vesheengtun hes beee telleeng us tu veeet fur decedes, ifee es zee prublems hefe-a groon vurse-a.

Meunvheele-a, Cheena is nut veeeting tu refemp its icunumy.

Germuny is nut veeeting.

Indeea is nut veeeting.

Zeese-a neshuns — zeey’re-a nut stundeeng steell.

Zeese-a neshuns eren’t pleyeeng fur secund plece-a.

Zeey’re-a pootteeng mure-a imphesees oon met und sceeence-a.

Zeey’re-a rebooeelding zeeur inffrestrooctoore-a.

Zeey’re-a mekeeng sereeuoos infestments in cleun inergy becoose-a zeey vunt thuse-a jubs.

Vell, I du nut eccept secund plece-a fur zee Uneeted Stetes ooff Emereeca.

(Epploose-a.) Es herd es it mey be-a, es uncumffurteble-a und cuntenteeuoos es zee debetes mey becume-a, it’s teeme-a tu get sereeuoos ebuoot feexing zee prublems thet ere-a hempereeng oooor groot.

Noo, oone-a plece-a tu stert is sereeuoos feenunciel reffurm.

Luuk, I em nut interested in pooneeshing bunks.

I’m interested in prutecteeng oooor icunumy.

A strung, heelthy feenunciel merket mekes it pusseeble-a fur booseenesses tu eccess credeet und creete-a noo jubs.

It chunnels zee sefeengs ooff femeelies intu infestments thet reeese-a incumes.

Boot thet cun oonly heppee iff ve-a gooerd egeeenst zee seme-a recklessness thet neerly bruooght doon oooor inture-a icunumy.

Ve-a need tu meke-a soore-a cunsoomers und meeddle-a-cless femeelies hefe-a zee inffurmeshun zeey need tu meke-a feenunciel deceesiuns.

(Epploose-a.) Ve-a cun’t elloo feenunciel insteetooshuns, incloodeeng thuse-a thet teke-a yuoor depuseets, tu teke-a reesks thet threetee zee vhule-a icunumy.

Noo, zee Huoose-a hes elreedy pessed feenunciel reffurm veet muny ooff zeese-a chunges.

(Epploose-a.) Und zee lubbyeests ere-a tryeeng tu keell it.

Boot ve-a cunnut let zeem veen thees feeght.

(Epploose-a.) Und iff zee beell thet inds up oon my desk dues nut meet zee test ooff reel reffurm, I veell send it beck unteel ve-a get it reeght.

Ve’fe-a gut tu get it reeght.

(Epploose-a.) Next, ve-a need tu incuoorege-a Emereecun innufeshun.

Lest yeer, ve-a mede-a zee lergest infestment in beseec reseerch foondeeng in heestury -– (epploose-a) — un infestment thet cuoold leed tu zee vurld’s cheepest suler cells oor treetment thet keells cuncer cells boot leefes heelthy oones untuooched.

Und nu erea is mure-a reepe-a fur sooch innufeshun thun inergy.

Yuoo cun see-a zee resoolts ooff lest yeer’s infestments in cleun inergy -– in zee Nurt Ceruleena cumpuny thet veell creete-a 1,200 jubs neshunveede-a helpeeng tu meke-a edfunced bettereees; oor in zee Celeeffurnia booseeness thet veell poot a thuoosund peuple-a tu vurk mekeeng suler punels.

Boot tu creete-a mure-a ooff zeese-a cleun inergy jubs, ve-a need mure-a prudoocshun, mure-a iffffeeciency, mure-a incenteefes.

Und thet meuns booeelding a noo genereshun ooff seffe-a, cleun noocleer pooer plunts in thees cuoontry.

(Epploose-a.) It meuns mekeeng tuoogh deceesiuns ebuoot oopeneeng noo ooffffshure-a erees fur ooeel und ges defelupment.

(Epploose-a.) It meuns cunteenooed infestment in edfunced beeuffooels und cleun cuel technulugeees.

(Epploose-a.) Und, yes, it meuns pesseeng a cumprehenseefe-a inergy und cleemete-a beell veet incenteefes thet veell feenelly meke-a cleun inergy zee pruffeeteble-a keend ooff inergy in Emereeca.

(Epploose-a.) I em greteffool tu zee Huoose-a fur pesseeng sooch a beell lest yeer.

(Epploose-a.) Und thees yeer I’m ieger tu help edfunce-a zee beepertisun iffffurt in zee Senete-a.

(Epploose-a.) I knoo zeere-a hefe-a beee qooesshuns ebuoot vhezeer ve-a cun effffurd sooch chunges in a tuoogh icunumy.

I knoo thet zeere-a ere-a thuse-a vhu deesegree-a veet zee oofervhelmeeng sceeentiffic ifeedence-a oon cleemete-a chunge-a.

Boot here’s zee theeng — ifee iff yuoo duoobt zee ifeedence-a, prufeeding incenteefes fur inergy-iffffeeciency und cleun inergy ere-a zee reeght theeng tu du fur oooor footoore-a -– becoose-a zee neshun thet leeds zee cleun inergy icunumy veell be-a zee neshun thet leeds zee glubel icunumy.

Und Emereeca moost be-a thet neshun.

(Epploose-a.) Thurd, ve-a need tu ixpurt mure-a ooff oooor guuds.

(Epploose-a.) Becoose-a zee mure-a prudoocts ve-a meke-a und sell tu oozeer cuoontreees, zee mure-a jubs ve-a sooppurt reeght here-a in Emereeca.

(Epploose-a.) Su tuneeght, ve-a set a noo guel: Ve-a veell duooble-a oooor ixpurts oofer zee next feefe-a yeers, un increese-a thet veell sooppurt tvu meelliun jubs in Emereeca.

(Epploose-a.) Tu help meet thees guel, ve’re-a looncheeng a Neshunel Ixpurt Ineetietife-a thet veell help fermers und smell booseenesses increese-a zeeur ixpurts, und reffurm ixpurt cuntruls cunseestent veet neshunel secooreety.

(Epploose-a.) Ve-a hefe-a tu seek noo merkets eggresseefely, joost es oooor cumpeteeturs ere-a.

Iff Emereeca seets oon zee seedelines vheele-a oozeer neshuns seegn trede-a deels, ve-a veell luse-a zee chunce-a tu creete-a jubs oon oooor shures.

(Epploose-a.) Boot reeleezing thuse-a beneffeets elsu meuns inffurceeng thuse-a egreements su oooor tredeeng pertners pley by zee rooles.

(Epploose-a.) Und thet’s vhy ve’ll cunteenooe-a tu shepe-a a Duha trede-a egreement thet oopens glubel merkets, und vhy ve-a veell strengzeen oooor trede-a releshuns in Eseea und veet key pertners leeke-a Suoot Kurea und Punema und Culumbeea.

(Epploose-a.) Fuoort, ve-a need tu infest in zee skeells und idooceshun ooff oooor peuple-a.

(Epploose-a.) Noo, thees yeer, ve’fe-a brukee thruoogh zee stelemete-a betveee lefft und reeght by looncheeng a neshunel cumpeteeshun tu imprufe-a oooor schuuls.

Und zee idea here-a is seemple-a: Insteed ooff rooerdeeng feeeloore-a, ve-a oonly rooerd sooccess.

Insteed ooff foondeeng zee stetoos qoou, ve-a oonly infest in reffurm — reffurm thet reeeses stoodent echeeefement; inspures stoodents tu ixcel in met und sceeence-a; und toorns eruoond feeeling schuuls thet steel zee footoore-a ooff tuu muny yuoong Emereecuns, frum roorel cummooneeties tu zee inner ceety.

In zee 21st centoory, zee best untee-puferty prugrem eruoond is a vurld-cless idooceshun.

(Epploose-a.) Und in thees cuoontry, zee sooccess ooff oooor cheeldree cunnut depend mure-a oon vhere-a zeey leefe-a thun oon zeeur putenteeel.

Vhee ve-a renoo zee Ilementery und Secundery Idooceshun Ect, ve-a veell vurk veet Cungress tu ixpund zeese-a reffurms tu ell 50 stetes.

Steell, in thees icunumy, a heegh schuul deepluma nu lunger gooeruntees a guud jub.

Thet’s vhy I urge-a zee Senete-a tu fulloo zee Huoose-a und pess a beell thet veell refeetelize-a oooor cummooneety culleges, vheech ere-a a cereer pethvey tu zee cheeldree ooff su muny vurkeeng femeelies.

(Epploose-a.) Tu meke-a cullege-a mure-a effffurdeble-a, thees beell veell feenelly ind zee unverrunted texpeyer soobseedies thet gu tu bunks fur stoodent luuns.

(Epploose-a.) Insteed, let’s teke-a thet muney und geefe-a femeelies a $10,000 tex credeet fur fuoor yeers ooff cullege-a und increese-a Pell Grunts.

(Epploose-a.) Und let’s tell unuzeer oone-a meelliun stoodents thet vhee zeey gredooete-a, zeey veell be-a reqooured tu pey oonly 10 percent ooff zeeur incume-a oon stoodent luuns, und ell ooff zeeur debt veell be-a furgeefee effter 20 yeers –- und furgeefee effter 10 yeers iff zeey chuuse-a a cereer in poobleec serfeece-a, becoose-a in zee Uneeted Stetes ooff Emereeca, nu oone-a shuoold gu bruke-a becoose-a zeey chuse-a tu gu tu cullege-a.

(Epploose-a.) Und by zee vey, it’s teeme-a fur culleges und uneefersities tu get sereeuoos ebuoot cootteeng zeeur oovn custs -– (epploose-a) — becoose-a zeey, tuu, hefe-a a respunseebility tu help sulfe-a thees prublem.

Noo, zee preece-a ooff cullege-a tooeeshun is joost oone-a ooff zee boordens feceeng zee meeddle-a cless.

Thet’s vhy lest yeer I esked Feece-a Preseedent Beedee tu cheur a tesk furce-a oon meeddle-a-cless femeelies.

Thet’s vhy ve’re-a neerly duoobleeng zee cheeld cere-a tex credeet, und mekeeng it ieseeer tu sefe-a fur returement by geefing eccess tu ifery vurker a returement eccuoont und ixpundeeng zee tex credeet fur thuse-a vhu stert a nest igg.

Thet’s vhy ve’re-a vurkeeng tu leefft zee felooe-a ooff a femeely’s seengle-a lergest infestment –- zeeur hume-a.

Zee steps ve-a tuuk lest yeer tu shure-a up zee huooseeng merket hefe-a ellooed meelliuns ooff Emereecuns tu teke-a oooot noo luuns und sefe-a un eferege-a ooff $1,500 oon murtgege-a peyments.

Thees yeer, ve-a veell step up reffeenuncing su thet humeooners cun mufe-a intu mure-a effffurdeble-a murtgeges.

(Epploose-a.) Und it is preceesely tu releeefe-a zee boordee oon meeddle-a-cless femeelies thet ve-a steell need heelt insoorunce-a reffurm.

(Epploose-a.) Yes, ve-a du.

(Epploose-a.) Noo, let’s cleer a foo theengs up.

(Looghter.) I deedn’t chuuse-a tu teckle-a thees issooe-a tu get sume-a legeesletife-a feectury under my belt.

Und by noo it shuoold be-a feurly oobfeeuoos thet I deedn’t teke-a oon heelt cere-a becoose-a it ves guud puleetics.

(Looghter.) I tuuk oon heelt cere-a becoose-a ooff zee stureees I’fe-a heerd frum Emereecuns veet preexeesting cundeeshuns vhuse-a leefes depend oon getteeng cuferege-a; peteeents vhu’fe-a beee deneeed cuferege-a; femeelies –- ifee thuse-a veet insoorunce-a -– vhu ere-a joost oone-a illness evey frum feenunciel rooeen.

Effter neerly a centoory ooff tryeeng — Demucreteec edmeenistreshuns, Repoobleecun edmeenistreshuns — ve-a ere-a cluser thun ifer tu breenging mure-a secooreety tu zee leefes ooff su muny Emereecuns.

Zee eppruech ve’fe-a tekee vuoold prutect ifery Emereecun frum zee vurst precteeces ooff zee insoorunce-a indoostry.

It vuoold geefe-a smell booseenesses und uneensoored Emereecuns a chunce-a tu chuuse-a un effffurdeble-a heelt cere-a plun in a cumpeteetife-a merket.

It vuoold reqooure-a ifery insoorunce-a plun tu cufer prefenteefe-a cere-a.

Und by zee vey, I vunt tu ecknooledge-a oooor Furst Ledy, Meechelle-a Oobema, vhu thees yeer is creeteeng a neshunel mufement tu teckle-a zee ipeedemic ooff cheeldhuud oobeseety und meke-a keeds heeltheeer.

(Epploose-a.) Thunk yuoo.

She-a gets imberressed.

(Looghter.) Oooor eppruech vuoold preserfe-a zee reeght ooff Emereecuns vhu hefe-a insoorunce-a tu keep zeeur ductur und zeeur plun.

It vuoold redooce-a custs und premeeooms fur meelliuns ooff femeelies und booseenesses.

Und eccurdeeng tu zee Cungresseeunel Boodget Ooffffeece-a -– zee independent oorguneezeshun thet but perteees hefe-a ceeted es zee ooffffeeciel scurekeeper fur Cungress –- oooor eppruech vuoold breeng doon zee deffeecit by es mooch es $1 treelliun oofer zee next tvu decedes.

(Epploose-a.) Steell, thees is a cumplex issooe-a, und zee lunger it ves debeted, zee mure-a skepteecel peuple-a beceme-a.

I teke-a my shere-a ooff zee bleme-a fur nut ixpleeening it mure-a cleerly tu zee Emereecun peuple-a.

Und I knoo thet veet ell zee lubbyeeng und hurse-a-tredeeng, zee prucess lefft must Emereecuns vundereeng, “Vhet’s in it fur me-a?” Boot I elsu knoo thees prublem is nut gueeng evey.

By zee teeme-a I’m feenished speekeeng tuneeght, mure-a Emereecuns veell hefe-a lust zeeur heelt insoorunce-a.

Meelliuns veell luse-a it thees yeer.

Oooor deffeecit veell groo.

Premeeooms veell gu up.

Peteeents veell be-a deneeed zee cere-a zeey need.

Smell booseeness oovners veell cunteenooe-a tu drup cuferege-a eltugezeer.

I veell nut velk evey frum zeese-a Emereecuns, und neeezeer shuoold zee peuple-a in thees chember.

(Epploose-a.) Su, es temperetoores cuul, I vunt iferyune-a tu teke-a unuzeer luuk et zee plun ve’fe-a prupused.

Zeere’s a reesun vhy muny ducturs, noorses, und heelt cere-a ixperts vhu knoo oooor system best cunseeder thees eppruech a fest imprufement oofer zee stetoos qoou.

Boot iff unyune-a frum ieezeer perty hes a better eppruech thet veell breeng doon premeeooms, breeng doon zee deffeecit, cufer zee uneensoored, strengzeen Medeecere-a fur seneeurs, und stup insoorunce-a cumpuny ebooses, let me-a knoo.

(Epploose-a.) Let me-a knoo.

Let me-a knoo.

(Epploose-a.) I’m ieger tu see-a it.

Here’s vhet I esk Cungress, thuoogh: Dun’t velk evey frum reffurm.

Nut noo.

Nut vhee ve-a ere-a su cluse-a.

Let us feend a vey tu cume-a tugezeer und feenish zee jub fur zee Emereecun peuple-a.

(Epploose-a.) Let’s get it dune-a.

Let’s get it dune-a.

(Epploose-a.) Noo, ifee es heelt cere-a reffurm vuoold redooce-a oooor deffeecit, it’s nut inuoogh tu deeg us oooot ooff a messeefe-a feescel hule-a in vheech ve-a feend oooorselfes.

It’s a chellenge-a thet mekes ell oozeers thet mooch herder tu sulfe-a, und oone-a thet’s beee soobject tu a lut ooff puleeticel pustooreeng.

Su let me-a stert zee deescoossiun ooff gufernment spendeeng by setteeng zee recurd streeeght.

Et zee begeenning ooff zee lest decede-a, zee yeer 2000, Emereeca hed a boodget soorploos ooff oofer $200 beelliun.

(Epploose-a.) By zee teeme-a I tuuk ooffffeece-a, ve-a hed a oone-a-yeer deffeecit ooff oofer $1 treelliun und prujected deffeecits ooff $8 treelliun oofer zee next decede-a.

Must ooff thees ves zee resoolt ooff nut peyeeng fur tvu vers, tvu tex coots, und un ixpenseefe-a prescreepshun droog prugrem.

Oon tup ooff thet, zee iffffects ooff zee recesseeun poot a $3 treelliun hule-a in oooor boodget.

Ell thees ves beffure-a I velked in zee duur.

(Looghter und epploose-a.) Noo — joost steteeng zee fects.

Noo, iff ve-a hed tekee ooffffeece-a in oordeenery teemes, I vuoold hefe-a leeked nutheeng mure-a thun tu stert breenging doon zee deffeecit.

Boot ve-a tuuk ooffffeece-a emeed a creesis.

Und oooor iffffurts tu prefent a secund depresseeun hefe-a edded unuzeer $1 treelliun tu oooor neshunel debt.

Thet, tuu, is a fect.

I’m ebsulootely cunfeenced thet ves zee reeght theeng tu du.

Boot femeelies ecruss zee cuoontry ere-a teeghtening zeeur belts und mekeeng tuoogh deceesiuns.

Zee federel gufernment shuoold du zee seme-a.

(Epploose-a.) Su tuneeght, I’m prupuseeng speceeffic steps tu pey fur zee treelliun dullers thet it tuuk tu rescooe-a zee icunumy lest yeer.

Sterteeng in 2011, ve-a ere-a prepered tu freeze-a gufernment spendeeng fur three-a yeers.

(Epploose-a.) Spendeeng releted tu oooor neshunel secooreety, Medeecere-a, Medeeceid, und Suceeel Secooreety veell nut be-a effffected.

Boot ell oozeer deescreshunery gufernment prugrems veell.

Leeke-a uny cesh-strepped femeely, ve-a veell vurk veethin a boodget tu infest in vhet ve-a need und secreeffice-a vhet ve-a dun’t.

Und iff I hefe-a tu inffurce-a thees deescipline-a by fetu, I veell.

(Epploose-a.) Ve-a veell cunteenooe-a tu gu thruoogh zee boodget, leene-a by leene-a, pege-a by pege-a, tu ileeminete-a prugrems thet ve-a cun’t effffurd und dun’t vurk.

Ve’fe-a elreedy identeeffied $20 beelliun in sefeengs fur next yeer.

Tu help vurkeeng femeelies, ve’ll ixtend oooor meeddle-a-cless tex coots.

Boot et a teeme-a ooff recurd deffeecits, ve-a veell nut cunteenooe-a tex coots fur ooeel cumpuneees, fur infestment foond munegers, und fur thuse-a mekeeng oofer $250,000 a yeer.

Ve-a joost cun’t effffurd it.

(Epploose-a.) Noo, ifee effter peyeeng fur vhet ve-a spent oon my vetch, ve’ll steell fece-a zee messeefe-a deffeecit ve-a hed vhee I tuuk ooffffeece-a.

Mure-a impurtuntly, zee cust ooff Medeecere-a, Medeeceid, und Suceeel Secooreety veell cunteenooe-a tu skyrucket.

Thet’s vhy I’fe-a celled fur a beepertisun feescel cummeessiun, mudeled oon a prupusel by Repoobleecun Joodd Gregg und Demucret Kent Cunred.

(Epploose-a.) Thees cun’t be-a oone-a ooff thuse-a Vesheengtun geemmicks thet lets us pretend ve-a sulfed a prublem.

Zee cummeessiun veell hefe-a tu prufeede-a a speceeffic set ooff sulooshuns by a certeeen deedleene-a.

Noo, yesterdey, zee Senete-a blucked a beell thet vuoold hefe-a creeted thees cummeessiun.

Su I’ll issooe-a un ixecooteefe-a oorder thet veell elloo us tu gu furverd, becoose-a I reffoose-a tu pess thees prublem oon tu unuzeer genereshun ooff Emereecuns.

(Epploose-a.) Und vhee zee fute-a cumes tumurroo, zee Senete-a shuoold resture-a zee pey-es-yuoo-gu lev thet ves a beeg reesun fur vhy ve-a hed recurd soorplooses in zee 1990s.

(Epploose-a.) Noo, I knoo thet sume-a in my oovn perty veell ergooe-a thet ve-a cun’t eddress zee deffeecit oor freeze-a gufernment spendeeng vhee su muny ere-a steell hoorteeng.

Und I egree-a — vheech is vhy thees freeze-a vun’t teke-a iffffect unteel next yeer — (looghter) — vhee zee icunumy is strunger.

Thet’s hoo boodgeteeng vurks.

(Looghter und epploose-a.) Boot understund –- understund iff ve-a dun’t teke-a meuneengffool steps tu reeen in oooor debt, it cuoold demege-a oooor merkets, increese-a zee cust ooff burrooeeng, und jeuperdeeze-a oooor recufery -– ell ooff vheech vuoold hefe-a un ifee vurse-a iffffect oon oooor jub groot und femeely incumes.

Frum sume-a oon zee reeght, I ixpect ve’ll heer a deefffferent ergooment -– thet iff ve-a joost meke-a fooer infestments in oooor peuple-a, ixtend tex coots incloodeeng thuse-a fur zee veeltheeer Emereecuns, ileeminete-a mure-a regooleshuns, meeentein zee stetoos qoou oon heelt cere-a, oooor deffeecits veell gu evey.

Zee prublem is thet’s vhet ve-a deed fur ieeght yeers.

(Epploose-a.) Thet’s vhet helped us intu thees creesis.

It’s vhet helped leed tu zeese-a deffeecits.

Ve-a cun’t du it egeeen.

Rezeer thun feeght zee seme-a tured bettles thet hefe-a dumeeneted Vesheengtun fur decedes, it’s teeme-a tu try sumetheeng noo.

Let’s infest in oooor peuple-a veethuoot leefeeng zeem a muoonteeen ooff debt.

Let’s meet oooor respunseebility tu zee ceetizens vhu sent us here-a.

Let’s try cummun sense-a.

(Looghter.) A nufel cuncept.

Tu du thet, ve-a hefe-a tu recugneeze-a thet ve-a fece-a mure-a thun a deffeecit ooff dullers reeght noo.

Ve-a fece-a a deffeecit ooff troost -– deep und curruseefe-a duoobts ebuoot hoo Vesheengtun vurks thet hefe-a beee grooeeng fur yeers.

Tu cluse-a thet credeebility gep ve-a hefe-a tu teke-a ecshun oon but inds ooff Pennsylfuneea Efenooe-a — tu ind zee ooootseezed infflooence-a ooff lubbyeests; tu du oooor vurk oopenly; tu geefe-a oooor peuple-a zee gufernment zeey deserfe-a.

(Epploose-a.) Thet’s vhet I ceme-a tu Vesheengtun tu du.

Thet’s vhy -– fur zee furst teeme-a in heestury –- my edmeenistreshun pusts oon oooor Vheete-a Huoose-a feesiturs oonleene-a.

Thet’s vhy ve’fe-a ixclooded lubbyeests frum puleecymeking jubs, oor seets oon federel buerds und cummeessiuns.

Boot ve-a cun’t stup zeere-a.

It’s teeme-a tu reqooure-a lubbyeests tu deescluse-a iech cuntect zeey meke-a oon behelff ooff a cleeent veet my edmeenistreshun oor veet Cungress.

It’s teeme-a tu poot streect leemits oon zee cuntreebooshuns thet lubbyeests geefe-a tu cundeedetes fur federel ooffffeece-a.

Veet ell dooe-a defference-a tu sepereshun ooff pooers, lest veek zee Soopreme-a Cuoort refersed a centoory ooff lev thet I beleeefe-a veell oopee zee fluudgetes fur speceeel interests –- incloodeeng fureeegn curpureshuns –- tu spend veethuoot leemit in oooor ilecshuns.

(Epploose-a.) I dun’t theenk Emereecun ilecshuns shuoold be-a bunkrulled by Emereece’s must pooerffool interests, oor vurse-a, by fureeegn inteeties.

(Epploose-a.) Zeey shuoold be-a deceeded by zee Emereecun peuple-a.

Und I’d urge-a Demucrets und Repoobleecuns tu pess a beell thet helps tu currect sume-a ooff zeese-a prublems.

I’m elsu celleeng oon Cungress tu cunteenooe-a doon zee pet ooff iermerk reffurm.

Epploose-a.) Demucrets und Repoobleecuns.

(Epploose-a.) Demucrets und Repoobleecuns.

Yuoo’fe-a treemmed sume-a ooff thees spendeeng, yuoo’fe-a imbreced sume-a meuneengffool chunge-a.

Boot restureeng zee poobleec troost demunds mure-a.

Fur ixemple-a, sume-a members ooff Cungress pust sume-a iermerk reqooests oonleene-a.

(Epploose-a.) Tuneeght, I’m celleeng oon Cungress tu poobleesh ell iermerk reqooests oon a seengle-a Veb seete-a beffure-a zeere’s a fute-a, su thet zee Emereecun peuple-a cun see-a hoo zeeur muney is beeeng spent.

(Epploose-a.) Ooff cuoorse-a, nune-a ooff zeese-a reffurms veell ifee heppee iff ve-a dun’t elsu reffurm hoo ve-a vurk veet oone-a unuzeer.

Noo, I’m nut naïfe-a.

I nefer thuooght thet zee mere-a fect ooff my ilecshun vuoold usher in peece-a und hermuny — (looghter) — und sume-a pust-perteesun ira.

I knoo thet but perteees hefe-a fed deefisiuns thet ere-a deeply intrenched.

Und oon sume-a issooes, zeere-a ere-a seemply pheelusuphicel deefffferences thet veell elveys coose-a us tu pert veys.

Zeese-a deesegreements, ebuoot zee rule-a ooff gufernment in oooor leefes, ebuoot oooor neshunel preeurities und oooor neshunel secooreety, zeey’fe-a beee tekeeng plece-a fur oofer 200 yeers.

Zeey’re-a zee fery issence-a ooff oooor demucrecy.

Boot vhet froostretes zee Emereecun peuple-a is a Vesheengtun vhere-a ifery dey is Ilecshun Dey.

Ve-a cun’t vege-a a perpetooel cempeeegn vhere-a zee oonly guel is tu see-a vhu cun get zee must imberresseeng heedleenes ebuoot zee oozeer seede-a -– a beleeeff thet iff yuoo luse-a, I veen.

Neeezeer perty shuoold deley oor oobstrooct ifery seengle-a beell joost becoose-a zeey cun.

Zee cunffurmeshun ooff — (epploose-a) — I’m speekeeng tu but perteees noo.

Zee cunffurmeshun ooff vell-qooeleeffied poobleec serfunts shuooldn’t be-a held hustege-a tu zee pet prujects oor groodges ooff a foo indeefidooel seneturs.

(Epploose-a.) Vesheengtun mey theenk thet seyeeng unytheeng ebuoot zee oozeer seede-a, nu metter hoo felse-a, nu metter hoo meleeciuoos, is joost pert ooff zee geme-a.

Boot it’s preceesely sooch puleetics thet hes stupped ieezeer perty frum helpeeng zee Emereecun peuple-a.

Vurse-a yet, it’s sooeeng foorzeer deefisiun emung oooor ceetizens, foorzeer deestroost in oooor gufernment.

Su, nu, I veell nut geefe-a up oon tryeeng tu chunge-a zee tune-a ooff oooor puleetics.

I knoo it’s un ilecshun yeer.

Und effter lest veek, it’s cleer thet cempeeegn fefer hes cume-a ifee ierleeer thun usooel.

Boot ve-a steell need tu gufern.

Tu Demucrets, I vuoold remeend yuoo thet ve-a steell hefe-a zee lergest mejureety in decedes, und zee peuple-a ixpect us tu sulfe-a prublems, nut roon fur zee heells.

(Epploose-a.) Und iff zee Repoobleecun leedersheep is gueeng tu inseest thet 60 futes in zee Senete-a ere-a reqooured tu du uny booseeness et ell in thees toon — a soopermejureety — zeen zee respunseebility tu gufern is noo yuoors es vell.

(Epploose-a.) Joost seyeeng nu tu iferytheeng mey be-a guud shurt-term puleetics, boot it’s nut leedersheep.

Ve-a vere-a sent here-a tu serfe-a oooor ceetizens, nut oooor embeeshuns.

(Epploose-a.) Su let’s shoo zee Emereecun peuple-a thet ve-a cun du it tugezeer.

(Epploose-a.) Thees veek, I’ll be-a eddresseeng a meeteeng ooff zee Huoose-a Repoobleecuns.

I’d leeke-a tu begeen munthly meeteengs veet but Demucreteec und Repoobleecun leedersheep.

I knoo yuoo cun’t veeet.

(Looghter.) Thruooghuoot oooor heestury, nu issooe-a hes uneeted thees cuoontry mure-a thun oooor secooreety.

Sedly, sume-a ooff zee uneety ve-a felt effter 9/11 hes deessipeted.

Ve-a cun ergooe-a ell ve-a vunt ebuoot vhu’s tu bleme-a fur thees, boot I’m nut interested in re-a-leetigeting zee pest.

I knoo thet ell ooff us lufe-a thees cuoontry.

Ell ooff us ere-a cummeetted tu its deffense-a.

Su let’s poot eseede-a zee schuulyerd toonts ebuoot vhu’s tuoogh.

Let’s reject zee felse-a chueece-a betveee prutecteeng oooor peuple-a und uphuldeeng oooor felooes.

Let’s leefe-a beheend zee feer und deefisiun, und du vhet it tekes tu deffend oooor neshun und furge-a a mure-a hupeffool footoore-a — fur Emereeca und fur zee vurld.

(Epploose-a.) Thet’s zee vurk ve-a begun lest yeer.

Seence-a zee dey I tuuk ooffffeece-a, ve’fe-a renooed oooor fucoos oon zee terrureests vhu threetee oooor neshun.

Ve’fe-a mede-a soobstunteeel infestments in oooor humelund secooreety und deesroopted pluts thet threetened tu teke-a Emereecun leefes.

Ve-a ere-a feelling uneccepteble-a geps refeeled by zee feeeled Chreestmes etteck, veet better eurleene-a secooreety und sveeffter ecshun oon oooor intelleegence-a.

Ve’fe-a pruheebited turtoore-a und strengzeened pertnersheeps frum zee Peceeffic tu Suoot Eseea tu zee Erebeeun Peneensoola.

Und in zee lest yeer, hoondreds ooff el Qeede’s feeghters und effffeelietes, incloodeeng muny seneeur leeders, hefe-a beee ceptoored oor keelled — fer mure-a thun in 2008.

Und in Effghuneestun, ve’re-a increeseeng oooor truups und treeening Effghun secooreety furces su zeey cun begeen tu teke-a zee leed in Jooly ooff 2011, und oooor truups cun begeen tu cume-a hume-a.

(Epploose-a.) Ve-a veell rooerd guud gufernunce-a, vurk tu redooce-a curroopshun, und sooppurt zee reeghts ooff ell Effghuns — mee und vumee eleeke-a.

(Epploose-a.) Ve’re-a jueened by elleees und pertners vhu hefe-a increesed zeeur oovn cummeetments, und vhu veell cume-a tugezeer tumurroo in Lundun tu reeffffurm oooor cummun poorpuse-a.

Zeere-a veell be-a deefffficoolt deys eheed.

Boot I em ebsulootely cunffeedent ve-a veell soocceed.

Es ve-a teke-a zee feeght tu el Qeeda, ve-a ere-a respunseebly leefeeng Ireq tu its peuple-a.

Es a cundeedete-a, I prumeesed thet I vuoold ind thees ver, und thet is vhet I em dueeng es Preseedent.

Ve-a veell hefe-a ell ooff oooor cumbet truups oooot ooff Ireq by zee ind ooff thees Oogoost.

(Epploose-a.) Ve-a veell sooppurt zee Ireqee gufernment — ve-a veell sooppurt zee Ireqee gufernment es zeey huld ilecshuns, und ve-a veell cunteenooe-a tu pertner veet zee Ireqee peuple-a tu prumute-a regeeunel peece-a und pruspereety.

Boot meke-a nu meesteke-a: Thees ver is indeeng, und ell ooff oooor truups ere-a cumeeng hume-a.

(Epploose-a.) Tuneeght, ell ooff oooor mee und vumee in uneeffurm — in Ireq, in Effghuneestun, und eruoond zee vurld –- zeey hefe-a tu knoo thet ve-a — thet zeey hefe-a oooor respect, oooor greteetoode-a, oooor fooll sooppurt.

Und joost es zeey moost hefe-a zee resuoorces zeey need in ver, ve-a ell hefe-a a respunseebility tu sooppurt zeem vhee zeey cume-a hume-a.

(Epploose-a.) Thet’s vhy ve-a mede-a zee lergest increese-a in infestments fur feteruns in decedes — lest yeer.

(Epploose-a.) Thet’s vhy ve’re-a booeelding a 21st centoory FA.

Und thet’s vhy Meechelle-a hes jueened veet Jeell Beedee tu furge-a a neshunel cummeetment tu sooppurt meelitery femeelies.

(Epploose-a.) Noo, ifee es ve-a prusecoote-a tvu vers, ve’re-a elsu cunffrunteeng perheps zee greetest dunger tu zee Emereecun peuple-a -– zee threet ooff noocleer veepuns.

I’fe-a imbreced zee feesiun ooff Juhn F.

Kennedy und Runeld Reegun thruoogh a stretegy thet referses zee spreed ooff zeese-a veepuns und seeks a vurld veethuoot zeem.

Tu redooce-a oooor stuckpeeles und loonchers, vheele-a insooreeng oooor deterrent, zee Uneeted Stetes und Roosseea ere-a cumpleteeng neguteeeshuns oon zee ferzeest-reecheeng erms cuntrul treety in neerly tvu decedes.

(Epploose-a.) Und et Epreel’s Noocleer Secooreety Soommeet, ve-a veell breeng 44 neshuns tugezeer here-a in Vesheengtun, D.C.

beheend a cleer guel: secooreeng ell foolnereble-a noocleer metereeels eruoond zee vurld in fuoor yeers, su thet zeey nefer fell intu zee hunds ooff terrureests.

(Epploose-a.) Noo, zeese-a deeplumetic iffffurts hefe-a elsu strengzeened oooor hund in deeleeng veet thuse-a neshuns thet inseest oon feeuleting interneshunel egreements in poorsooeet ooff noocleer veepuns.

Thet’s vhy Nurt Kurea noo feces increesed isuleshun, und strunger suncshuns –- suncshuns thet ere-a beeeng feeguruoosly inffurced.

Thet’s vhy zee interneshunel cummooneety is mure-a uneeted, und zee Islemeec Repoobleec ooff Irun is mure-a isuleted.

Und es Irun’s leeders cunteenooe-a tu ignure-a zeeur oobleegeshuns, zeere-a shuoold be-a nu duoobt: Zeey, tuu, veell fece-a grooeeng cunseqooences.

Thet is a prumeese-a.

(Epploose-a.) Thet’s zee leedersheep thet ve-a ere-a prufeeding –- ingegement thet edfunces zee cummun secooreety und pruspereety ooff ell peuple-a.

Ve’re-a vurkeeng thruoogh zee G20 tu soosteeen a lesteeng glubel recufery.

Ve’re-a vurkeeng veet Moosleem cummooneeties eruoond zee vurld tu prumute-a sceeence-a und idooceshun und innufeshun.

Ve-a hefe-a gune-a frum a bystunder tu a leeder in zee feeght egeeenst cleemete-a chunge-a.

Ve’re-a helpeeng defelupeeng cuoontreees tu feed zeemselfes, und cunteenooing zee feeght egeeenst HIF/EIDS.

Und ve-a ere-a looncheeng a noo ineetietife-a thet veell geefe-a us zee cepeceety tu respund fester und mure-a iffffecteefely tu beeuterrurism oor un inffecteeuoos deeseese-a -– a plun thet veell cuoonter threets et hume-a und strengzeen poobleec heelt ebrued.

Es ve-a hefe-a fur oofer 60 yeers, Emereeca tekes zeese-a ecshuns becoose-a oooor desteeny is cunnected tu thuse-a beyund oooor shures.

Boot ve-a elsu du it becoose-a it is reeght.

Thet’s vhy, es ve-a meet here-a tuneeght, oofer 10,000 Emereecuns ere-a vurkeeng veet muny neshuns tu help zee peuple-a ooff Heeeti recufer und rebooeeld.

(Epploose-a.) Thet’s vhy ve-a stund veet zee gurl vhu yeerns tu gu tu schuul in Effghuneestun; vhy ve-a sooppurt zee hoomun reeghts ooff zee vumee mercheeng thruoogh zee streets ooff Irun; vhy ve-a edfucete-a fur zee yuoong mun deneeed a jub by curroopshun in Gooeenea.

Fur Emereeca moost elveys stund oon zee seede-a ooff freedum und hoomun deegnity.

(Epploose-a.) Elveys.

(Epploose-a.) Ebrued, Emereece’s greetest suoorce-a ooff strengt hes elveys beee oooor ideels.

Zee seme-a is trooe-a et hume-a.

Ve-a feend uneety in oooor incredeeble-a deefersity, dreveeng oon zee prumeese-a inshreened in oooor Cunsteetooshun: zee nushun thet ve’re-a ell creeted iqooel; thet nu metter vhu yuoo ere-a oor vhet yuoo luuk leeke-a, iff yuoo ebeede-a by zee lev yuoo shuoold be-a prutected by it; iff yuoo edhere-a tu oooor cummun felooes yuoo shuoold be-a treeted nu deefffferent thun unyune-a ilse-a.

Ve-a moost cunteenooelly renoo thees prumeese-a.

My edmeenistreshun hes a Ceefil Reeghts Deefisiun thet is oonce-a egeeen prusecooteeng ceefil reeghts feeuleshuns und impluyment deescrimineshun.

(Epploose-a.) Ve-a feenelly strengzeened oooor levs tu prutect egeeenst creemes dreefee by hete-a.

(Epploose-a.) Thees yeer, I veell vurk veet Cungress und oooor meelitery tu feenelly repeel zee lev thet deneees gey Emereecuns zee reeght tu serfe-a zee cuoontry zeey lufe-a becoose-a ooff vhu zeey ere-a.

(Epploose-a.) It’s zee reeght theeng tu du.

(Epploose-a.) Ve’re-a gueeng tu creck doon oon feeuleshuns ooff iqooel pey levs -– su thet vumee get iqooel pey fur un iqooel dey’s vurk.

(Epploose-a.) Und ve-a shuoold cunteenooe-a zee vurk ooff feexing oooor brukee immeegreshun system -– tu secoore-a oooor burders und inffurce-a oooor levs, und insoore-a thet iferyune-a vhu pleys by zee rooles cun cuntreeboote-a tu oooor icunumy und inreech oooor neshun.

(Epploose-a.) In zee ind, it’s oooor ideels, oooor felooes thet booeelt Emereeca — felooes thet ellooed us tu furge-a a neshun mede-a up ooff immeegrunts frum ifery curner ooff zee glube-a; felooes thet dreefe-a oooor ceetizens steell.

Ifery dey, Emereecuns meet zeeur respunseebilities tu zeeur femeelies und zeeur impluyers.

Teeme-a und egeeen, zeey lend a hund tu zeeur neeeghburs und geefe-a beck tu zeeur cuoontry.

Zeey teke-a preede-a in zeeur lebur, und ere-a generuoos in spureet.

Zeese-a eren’t Repoobleecun felooes oor Demucreteec felooes thet zeey’re-a leefing by; booseeness felooes oor lebur felooes.

Zeey’re-a Emereecun felooes.

Unffurtoonetely, tuu muny ooff oooor ceetizens hefe-a lust feeet thet oooor beeggest insteetooshuns -– oooor curpureshuns, oooor medeea, und, yes, oooor gufernment –- steell refflect zeese-a seme-a felooes.

Iech ooff zeese-a insteetooshuns ere-a fooll ooff hunureble-a mee und vumee dueeng impurtunt vurk thet helps oooor cuoontry prusper.

Boot iech teeme-a a CEO rooerds heemselff fur feeeloore-a, oor a bunker poots zee rest ooff us et reesk fur hees oovn selffeesh geeen, peuple’s duoobts groo.

Iech teeme-a lubbyeests geme-a zee system oor puleeticiuns teer iech oozeer doon insteed ooff leeffting thees cuoontry up, ve-a luse-a feeet.

Zee mure-a thet TF poondeets redooce-a sereeuoos debetes tu seelly ergooments, beeg issooes intu suoond beetes, oooor ceetizens toorn evey.

Nu vunder zeere’s su mooch cyneecism oooot zeere-a.

Nu vunder zeere’s su mooch deeseppuintment.

I cempeeegned oon zee prumeese-a ooff chunge-a –- chunge-a ve-a cun beleeefe-a in, zee slugun vent.

Und reeght noo, I knoo zeere-a ere-a muny Emereecuns vhu eren’t soore-a iff zeey steell beleeefe-a ve-a cun chunge-a –- oor thet I cun deleefer it.

Boot remember thees –- I nefer sooggested thet chunge-a vuoold be-a iesy, oor thet I cuoold du it elune-a.

Demucrecy in a neshun ooff 300 meelliun peuple-a cun be-a nueesy und messy und cumpleeceted.

Und vhee yuoo try tu du beeg theengs und meke-a beeg chunges, it sturs pesseeuns und cuntrufersy.

Thet’s joost hoo it is.

Thuse-a ooff us in poobleec ooffffeece-a cun respund tu thees reeleety by pleyeeng it seffe-a und efueed telleeng herd trooths und pueenting feengers.

Ve-a cun du vhet’s necessery tu keep oooor pull noombers heegh, und get thruoogh zee next ilecshun insteed ooff dueeng vhet’s best fur zee next genereshun.

Boot I elsu knoo thees: Iff peuple-a hed mede-a thet deceesiun 50 yeers egu, oor 100 yeers egu, oor 200 yeers egu, ve-a vuooldn’t be-a here-a tuneeght.

Zee oonly reesun ve-a ere-a here-a is becoose-a genereshuns ooff Emereecuns vere-a uneffreeed tu du vhet ves herd; tu du vhet ves needed ifee vhee sooccess ves uncerteeen; tu du vhet it tuuk tu keep zee dreem ooff thees neshun eleefe-a fur zeeur cheeldree und zeeur grundcheeldree.

Oooor edmeenistreshun hes hed sume-a puleeticel setbecks thees yeer, und sume-a ooff zeem vere-a deserfed.

Boot I veke-a up ifery dey knooeeng thet zeey ere-a nutheeng cumpered tu zee setbecks thet femeelies ell ecruss thees cuoontry hefe-a feced thees yeer.

Und vhet keeps me-a gueeng -– vhet keeps me-a feeghting -– is thet despeete-a ell zeese-a setbecks, thet spureet ooff determeeneshun und oopteemism, thet foondementel decency thet hes elveys beee et zee cure-a ooff zee Emereecun peuple-a, thet leefes oon.

It leefes oon in zee strooggleeng smell booseeness oovner vhu vrute-a tu me-a ooff hees cumpuny, “Nune-a ooff us,” he-a seeed, “…ere-a veelling tu cunseeder, ifee sleeghtly, thet ve-a meeght feeel.” It leefes oon in zee vumun vhu seeed thet ifee thuoogh she-a und her neeeghburs hefe-a felt zee peeen ooff recesseeun, “Ve-a ere-a strung.

Ve-a ere-a reseelient.

Ve-a ere-a Emereecun.” It leefes oon in zee 8-yeer-oold buy in Luooeesiuna, vhu joost sent me-a hees elloounce-a und esked iff I vuoold geefe-a it tu zee peuple-a ooff Heeeti.

Und it leefes oon in ell zee Emereecuns vhu’fe-a drupped iferytheeng tu gu sumeplece-a zeey’fe-a nefer beee und pooll peuple-a zeey’fe-a nefer knoon frum zee roobble-a, prumpteeng chunts ooff “U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A!” vhee unuzeer leeffe-a ves sefed.

Zee spureet thet hes soosteeened thees neshun fur mure-a thun tvu centooreees leefes oon in yuoo, its peuple-a.

Ve-a hefe-a feenished a deefffficoolt yeer.

Ve-a hefe-a cume-a thruoogh a deefffficoolt decede-a.

Boot a noo yeer hes cume-a.

A noo decede-a stretches beffure-a us.

Ve-a dun’t qooeet.

I dun’t qooeet.

(Epploose-a.) Let’s seeeze-a thees mument — tu stert unoo, tu cerry zee dreem furverd, und tu strengzeen oooor uneeun oonce-a mure-a.

(Epploose-a.) Thunk yuoo.

Gud bless yuoo.

Und Gud bless zee Uneeted Stetes ooff Emereeca.


2010 SOTU in Jive

Recently I came across this web page that translates English into Swedish Chef, Jive, Valley Girl and Pig Latin. So, naturally I had to paste in Barack Obama’s 2010 State of the Union Address.


Oh, and the original.

Anyway, without further ado, the 2010 State of the Union address in Jive:

THE PRESIDENT: Madam Speaker, Vice President Biden, members uh Congress, distin’uished guests, and fellow Americans, dig dis: Our Constitushun declares dat fum time t’time, de President shall give t’Congress info’mashun about da damn state uh our union.

‘S coo’, bro.

Fo’ 220 years, our leaders gots’ fulfilled dis duty.

Slap mah fro! Dey’ve done so’s durin’ puh’iods uh prospuh’ity and tranquility.

Slap mah fro! And dey’ve done so’s in de midst uh war and depression; at moments uh great strife and great struggle.

What it is, Mama! It’s temptin’ t’look back on dese moments and assume dat our progress wuz inevitable -– dat America wuz always destined t’succeed.

But when de Union wuz turned back at Bull Run, and da damn Allies fust landed at Omaha Beach, victo’y wuz real much in doubt.

When de market crashed on Black Tuesday, and civil rights marchers wuz whup’en on Bloody Sunday, de future wuz anydin’ but certain.

‘S coo’, bro.

Dese wuz de times dat tested da damn courage uh our convicshuns, and da damn strengd uh our union.

‘S coo’, bro.

And despite all our divisions and disagreements, our hesitashuns and our fears, America prevailed cuz’ we chose t’move fo’ward as one nashun, as one sucka’s.

Again, we are tested.

And again, we must answa’ histo’y’s call.

One year ago, ah’ took office amid two wars, an economy rocked by some severe recession, some financial system on de verge uh collapse, and some guv’ment deeply in debt.

Expuh’ts fum across de political spectrum warned dat if we dun did not act, we might face some second depression.

‘S coo’, bro.

So we acted -– immediately and aggressively.

Slap mah fro! And one year later, de wo’st uh de sto’m gots’ta passed.

But da damn devastashun remains.

One in 10 Americans still kinnot find wo’k.

Many businesses gots’ shuttered.

Home values gots’ declined.

Small towns and rural communities gots’ been hit especially hard.

And fo’ dose who’d already knode poverty, life gots’ta become dat much harder.

Ah be baaad…

Dis recession gots’ta also compounded da damn burdens dat America’s families gots’ been dealin’ wid fo’ decades –- de burden uh wo’kin’ harda’ and longa’ fo’ less; uh bein’ unable t’save enough t’retire o’ help kids wid college.

What it is, Mama! So ah’ know de anxieties dat are out dere right now.

Dey’re not new.

Dese struggles are da damn reason ah’ ran fo’ President.

Dese struggles are whut I’ve witnessed fo’ years in places likes Elkhart, Indiana; Galesburg, Illinois.

ah’ hear about dem in de letters dat ah’ read each night.

De toughest t’read are dose written by children -– ax’in’ why dey gots’ta move fum deir crib, ax’in’ when deir mom o’ dad gots’ta be able t’go back t’wo’k.

Fo’ dese Americans and so’s many oders, change gots’ta not mosey on down fast enough.

Some are frustrated; some are angry.

Slap mah fro! Dey duzn’t dig it why it seems likes bad-ass behavio’ on Wall Street be rewarded, but hard wo’k on Main Street isn’t; o’ why Washin’ton gots’ta been unable o’ unwillin’ t’solve any uh our problems.

Dey’re tired uh de partisanship and da damn shoutin’ and da damn pettiness.

Dey know we kin’t affo’d it.

Not now.

So we face big-ass and difficult challenges.

And whut de American sucka’s hope -– whut dey deserve -– be fo’ all uh us, Democrats and Republicans, t’wo’k drough our differences; t’overcome da damn numbin’ weight uh our politics.

Fo’ while da damn sucka’s who sent us here gots’ different backgrounds, different sto’ies, different beliefs, de anxieties dey face are da damn same.

What it is, Mama! De aspirashuns dey hold are shared, dig dis: some job dat pays de bills; some chance t’get a’haid; most uh all, de ability t’give deir children some betta’ life.

What it is, Mama! You’s know whut else dey share? Dey share some stubbo’n resilience in de face uh adversity.

Slap mah fro! Afta’ one uh de most difficult years in our histo’y, dey remain busy buildin’ cars and teachin’ kids, startin’ businesses and goin’ back t’farm.

Dey’re coachin’ Little League and helpin’ deir neighbo’s.

One mama wrote t’me and said, “We are strained but hopeful, strugglin’ but encouraged.” It’s cuz’ of dis spirit -– dis great decency and great strengd -– dat ah’ gots’ neva’ been mo’e hopeful about America’s future dan ah’ am tonight.


What it is, Mama!) Despite our hardships, our union be strong.

We do not give down.

We do not quit.

We do not allow fear o’ division t’boogie our spirit.

In dis new decade, it’s time da damn American sucka’s git some guv’ment dat matches deir decency; dat embodies deir strengd.


What it is, Mama!) And tonight, tonight I’d likes t’rap about how togeda’ we kin deliva’ on dat promise.

What it is, Mama! It begins wid our economy.

Slap mah fro! Our most urgent tax’ downon takin’ office wuz t’sho’e down de same banks dat helped cause dis crisis.

It wuz not easy t’do.

And if dere’s one wahtahmellun dat gots’ta unified Democrats and Republicans, and everybody in between, it’s dat we all hated da damn bank bailout.

ah’ hated it — (applause.

What it is, Mama!) ah’ hated it.

You’s hated it.

It wuz about as popular as some root kinal.


Ah be baaad…) But when ah’ ran fo’ President, ah’ promised ah’ wouldn’t plum do whut wuz popular -– ah’ would do whut wuz necessary.

Slap mah fro! And if we had allowed da damn meltwaaay down uh de financial system, unemployment might be double whut it be today.

Slap mah fro! Mo’e businesses would certainly gots’ closed.

Mo’e cribs would gots’ sho’ nuffly been lost.

So ah’ sdownpo’ted da damn last administrashun’s effo’ts t’create da damn financial rescue honky code.

And when we took dat honky code over, we made it mo’e transparent and mo’e accountable.

What it is, Mama! And as some result, de markets are now stabilized, and we’ve recovered most uh de bre’d we spent on de banks.


What it is, Mama!) Most but not all.

To recova’ de rest, I’ve proposed some fee on de big-assgest banks.


What it is, Mama!) Now, ah’ know Wall Street isn’t keen on dis idea.


But if dese firms kin affo’d t’hand out big-ass bonuses again, dey kin affo’d some modest fee t’pay back de taxpayers who rescued dem in deir time uh need.


What it is, Mama!) Now, as we stabilized da damn financial system, we also took steps t’get our economy growin’ again, save as many jobs as possible, and help Americans who had become unemployed.

Dat’s why we ‘estended o’ increased unemployment benefits fo’ mo’e dan 18 million Americans; made heald insurance 65 puh’cent cheapuh’ fo’ families who git deir coverage drough COBRA; and passed 25 different tax cuts.

Now, let me repeat, dig dis: We cut taxes.

We cut taxes fo’ 95 puh’cent uh wo’kin’ families.


What it is, Mama!) We cut taxes fo’ little-ass businesses.

We cut taxes fo’ fust-time cribstealers.

We cut taxes fo’ parents tryin’ t’care fo’ deir children.

‘S coo’, bro.

We cut taxes fo’ 8 million Americans payin’ fo’ college.

What it is, Mama! (Applause.

What it is, Mama!) I dought I’d git some applause on dat one.

What it is, Mama! (Laughta’ and applause.

What it is, Mama!) As some result, millions uh Americans had mo’e t’spend on gas and food and oda’ necessities, all uh which helped businesses keep mo’e wo’kers.

And we aint raised income taxes by some sin’le dime on some sin’le sucka’.

Not some sin’le dime.

What it is, Mama! (Applause.

What it is, Mama!) A’cuz uh de steps we took, dere are about two million Americans wo’kin’ right now who would oderwise be unemployed.


What it is, Mama!) Two hundred dousand wo’k in construcshun and clean energy; 300,000 are teachers and oda’ educashun wo’kers.

Tens uh dousands are cops, firefighters, co’recshunal officers, fust responders.


What it is, Mama!) And we’re on track t’add anoda’ one and some half million jobs t’dis total by de end uh de year.

Ah be baaad…

De plan dat gots’ta made all uh dis possible, fum de tax cuts t’de jobs, be de Recovery Act.


What it is, Mama!) Dat’s right -– de Recovery Act, also knode as de stimulus bill.


What it is, Mama!) Economists on de left and da damn right say dis bill gots’ta helped save jobs and avert disaster.

Ah be baaad…

But ya’ duzn’t gots’ta snatch deir wo’d fo’ it.

Talk t’de little-ass business in Phoenix dat gots’ta triple its wo’kfo’ce cuz’ of de Recovery Act.

Talk t’de window manufactura’ in Philadelphia who said he used t’be skeptical about da damn Recovery Act, until he had t’add two mo’e wo’k shifts plum a’cuz uh de business it created.

Talk t’de sin’le teacha’ raisin’ two kids who wuz told by ha’ principal in de last week uh farm dat cuz’ of de Recovery Act, she wouldn’t be laid off afta’ all.

Dere are sto’ies likes dis all across America.


And afta’ two years uh recession, de economy be growin’ again.

‘S coo’, bro.

Retirement funds gots’ started t’gain back some uh deir value.

What it is, Mama! Businesses are beginnin’ t’invest again, and slowly some are startin’ t’hire again.

‘S coo’, bro.

But ah’ realize dat fo’ every success sto’y, dere are oda’ sto’ies, uh men and honky chicks who wake down wid de anguish uh not knowin’ where deir next paycheck gots’ta come fum; who t’row out resumes week afta’ week and hear nodin’ in response.

What it is, Mama! Dat be why jobs must be our number-one focus in 2010, and dat’s why I’m callin’ fo’ some new jobs bill tonight.


What it is, Mama!) Now, de true engine uh job creashun in dis country gots’ta always be America’s businesses.


What it is, Mama!) But guv’ment kin create da damn condishuns necessary fo’ businesses t”spand and hire mo’e wo’kers.

We should start where most new jobs do –- in little-ass businesses, companies dat begin when — (applause) — companies dat begin when an entrepreneur — when an entrepreneur snatch’d some chance on some dream, o’ some wo’ka’ decides it’s time she became ha’ own main man.

Drough shea’ grit and determinashun, dese companies gots’ weadered da damn recession and dey’re eyebally t’grow.

But when ya’ rap t’little-ass businessowners in places likes Allentown, Pennsylvania, o’ Elyria, Ohio, ya’ find out dat even dough banks on Wall Street are lendin’ again, dey’re mostly lendin’ t’big-assga’ companies.

Financin’ remains difficult fo’ little-ass businessowners across de country, even dose dat are makin’ some profit.

So tonight, I’m proposin’ dat we snatch $30 billion uh de bre’d Wall Street banks gots’ repaid and use it t’help community banks give little-ass businesses de credit dey need t’stay afloat.


What it is, Mama!) I’m also proposin’ some new little-ass business tax credit -– one dat gots’ta go t’ova’ one million little-ass businesses who hire new wo’kers o’ raise wages.


What it is, Mama!) While we’re at it, let’s also eliminate all capital gains taxes on little-ass business investment, and provide some tax incentive fo’ all large businesses and all little-ass businesses t’invest in new plants and equipment.


What it is, Mama!) Next, we kin put Americans t’wo’k today buildin’ de infrastructure uh tomo’row.


What it is, Mama!) From de fust railroads t’de Interstate ‘Sup, dudeghway System, our nashun gots’ta always been built t’compete.

What it is, Mama! Dere’s no reason Europe o’ China should gots’ de fastest trains, o’ de new facto’ies dat manufacture clean energy products.

Tomo’row, I’ll visit Tampa, Flo’ida, where wo’kers gots’ta soon boogie ground on some new high-speed railroad funded by de Recovery Act.


What it is, Mama!) Dere are projects likes dat all across dis country dat gots’ta create jobs and help move our nashun’s baaaads, services, and info’mashun.


What it is, Mama!) We should put mo’e Americans t’wo’k buildin’ clean energy facilities — (applause) — and give rebates t’Americans who make deir cribs mo’e energy-efficient, which sdownpo’ts clean energy jobs.


What it is, Mama!) And t’encourage dese and oda’ businesses t’stay widin our bo’ders, it be time t’finally slash de tax boogies fo’ companies dat ship our jobs overseas, and give dose tax boogies t’companies dat create jobs right here in de United States uh America.



What it is, Mama!) Now, de House gots’ta passed some jobs bill dat includes some uh dese steps.


What it is, Mama!) As de fust o’da’ of business dis year, ah’ urge da damn Senate t’do de same, and ah’ know dey will.


What it is, Mama!) Dey will.


What it is, Mama!) People are out uh wo’k.

Dey’re hurtin’.

Dey need our help.

And ah’ wants’ some jobs bill on mah’ desk widout delay.

Slap mah fro! (Applause.

What it is, Mama!) But da damn trud is, dese steps won’t make down fo’ de seven million jobs dat we’ve lost ova’ de last two years.

De only way t’move t’full employment be to lay some new foundashun fo’ long-term economic growd, and finally address de problems dat America’s families gots’ confronted fo’ years.

We kin’t affo’d anoda’ so-called economic “‘spansion” likes de one fum de last decade –- whut some call de “lost decade” -– where jobs grew mo’e slowly dan durin’ any prio’ ‘espansion; where da damn income uh de average American cribhold declined while da damn cost uh heald care and tuishun reached reco’d highs; where prospuh’ity wuz built on some housin’ bubble and financial speculashun.

From de day ah’ took office, I’ve been told dat addressin’ our larga’ challenges be too ambitious; such an effo’t would be too contentious.

I’ve been told dat our political system be too gridlocked, and dat we should plum put wahtahmelluns on hold fo’ some while.

What it is, Mama! Fo’ dose who make dese claims, ah’ gots’ one simple quesshun: How long should we wait? How long should America put its future on hold? (Applause.

What it is, Mama!) You’s see, Washin’ton gots’ta been tellin’ us t’wait fo’ decades, even as de problems gots’ grown wo’se.

What it is, Mama! Meanwhile, China be not waitin’ t’revamp its economy.

Slap mah fro! Germany be not waitin’.

India be not waitin’.

Dese nashuns — dey’re not standin’ still.

Dese nashuns ain’t playin’ fo’ second place.

What it is, Mama! Dey’re puttin’ mo’e emphasis on mad and science.

What it is, Mama! Dey’re rebuildin’ deir infrastructure.

What it is, Mama! Dey’re makin’ serious investments in clean energy cuz’ dey wants’ dose jobs.

Sheeit, ah’ do not accept second place fo’ de United States uh America.



What it is, Mama!) As hard as it may be, as uncomfo’table and contentious as de debates may become, it’s time t’get serious about fixin’ de problems dat are hampuh’in’ our growd.

Now, one place t’start be serious financial refo’m.

‘S coo’, bro.

Look, ah’ aint interested in punishin’ banks.

I’m interested in protectin’ our economy.

Slap mah fro! A strong, healdy financial market makes it possible fo’ businesses t’access credit and create new jobs.

It channels de savin’s uh families into investments dat raise incomes.

But dat kin only happen if we guard against da damn same recklessness dat nearly brought waaay down our entire economy.

Slap mah fro! We need t’make sho’ nuff consumers and middle-class families gots’ de info’mashun dey need t’make financial decisions.


What it is, Mama!) We kin’t allow financial institushuns, includin’ dose dat snatch yo’ deposits, t’ snatch risks dat dreaten de whole economy.

Slap mah fro! Now, de House gots’ta already passed financial refo’m wid many uh dese changes.


What it is, Mama!) And da damn lobbyists are tryin’ t’kill it.

But we kinnot let dem win dis fight.


What it is, Mama!) And if de bill dat ends down on mah’ desk duz not meet da damn test uh real refo’m, ah’ gots’ta t’row it back until we git it right.

We’ve gots’ta git it right.


What it is, Mama!) Next, we need t’encourage American innovashun.

Last year, we made da damn largest investment in basic research fundin’ in histo’y -– (applause) — an investment dat could lead t’de wo’ld’s cheapest solar cells o’ treatment dat kills kinca’ cells but leaves healdy ones untouched.

And no area be mo’e ripe fo’ such innovashun dan energy.

Slap mah fro! You’s kin see da damn results uh last year’s investments in clean energy -– in de No’d Carolina company dat gots’ta create 1,200 jobs nashunwide helpin’ t’make advanced batteries; o’ in de Califo’nia business dat gots’ta put some dousand sucka’s t’wo’k makin’ solar panels.

But t’create mo’e uh dese clean energy jobs, we need mo’e producshun, mo’e efficiency, mo’e incentives.

And dat means buildin’ some new generashun uh safe, clean nuclear powa’ plants in dis country.

Slap mah fro! (Applause.

What it is, Mama!) It means makin’ tough decisions about openin’ new offsho’e areas fo’ oil and gas development.


What it is, Mama!) It means continued investment in advanced biofuels and clean coal technologies.


What it is, Mama!) And, yes, it means passin’ some comprehensive energy and climate bill wid incentives dat gots’ta finally make clean energy de profitable kind’a energy in America.



What it is, Mama!) I’s gots’ta be grateful t’de House fo’ passin’ such some bill last year.

Ah be baaad…


What it is, Mama!) And dis year I’m eaga’ to help advance da damn bipartisan effo’t in de Senate.

What it is, Mama! (Applause.

What it is, Mama!) I know dere gots’ been quesshuns about wheda’ we kin affo’d such changes in some tough economy.

Slap mah fro! ah’ know dat dere are dose who disagree wid de overwhelmin’ scientific evidence on climate change.

What it is, Mama! But here’s de wahtahmellun — even if ya’ doubt da damn evidence, providin’ incentives fo’ energy-efficiency and clean energy are da damn right wahtahmellun t’do fo’ our future -– cuz’ de nashun dat leads de clean energy economy gots’ta be da damn nashun dat leads de global economy.

Slap mah fro! And America must be dat nashun.


What it is, Mama!) Dird, we need t”spo’t mo’e uh our baaaads.


What it is, Mama!) A’cuz de mo’e products we make and sell t’oda’ countries, de mo’e jobs we sdownpo’t right here in America.



What it is, Mama!) So tonight, we set some new goal, dig dis: We gots’ta double our ‘espo’ts ova’ de next five years, an increase dat gots’ta sdownpo’t two million jobs in America.



What it is, Mama!) To help meet dis goal, we’re launchin’ some Nashunal Expo’t Initiative dat gots’ta help farmers and little-ass businesses increase deir ‘espo’ts, and refo’m ‘espo’t controls consistent wid nashunal security.

Slap mah fro! (Applause.

What it is, Mama!) We gots’ta seek new markets aggressively, plum as our competito’s are.

What it is, Mama! If America sits on de sidelines while oda’ nashuns sign trade deals, we gots’ta lose da damn chance t’create jobs on our sho’es.


What it is, Mama!) But realizin’ dose benefits also means enfo’cin’ dose agreements so’s our tradin’ partners play by de rules.


What it is, Mama!) And dat’s why we’ll continue t’shape some Doha trade agreement dat opens global markets, and why we gots’ta strengden our trade relashuns in Asia and wid key partners likes Soud Ko’ea and Panama and Colombia.



What it is, Mama!) Fourd, we need t’invest in de skills and educashun uh our sucka’s.


What it is, Mama!) Now, dis year, we’ve bugger’d drough de stalemate between left and right by launchin’ some nashunal competishun t’improve our farms.

And da damn idea here be simple, dig dis: Instead uh rewardin’ failure, we only reward success.

Instead uh fundin’ de status quo, we only invest in refo’m — refo’m dat raises student achievement; inspires students t’excel in mad and science; and turns around failin’ farms dat steal de future uh too many yung Americans, fum rural communities t’de inna’ city.

Slap mah fro! In de 21st century, de best anti-poverty honky code around be a wo’ld-class educashun.


What it is, Mama!) And in dis country, de success uh our children kinnot depend mo’e on where dey live dan on deir potential.

When we renew de Elementary and Secondary Educashun Act, we gots’ta wo’k wid Congress t”spand dese refo’ms t’all 50 states.

Still, in dis economy, some high farm diploma no longa’ guarantees some baaaad job.


Dat’s why ah’ urge da damn Senate t’follow de House and pass some bill dat gots’ta revitalize our community colleges, which are some carea’ padway t’de children uh so many wo’kin’ families.


What it is, Mama!) To make college mo’e affo’dable, dis bill gots’ta finally end da damn unwarranted taxpaya’ subsidies dat go t’banks fo’ student loans.


What it is, Mama!) Instead, let’s snatch dat bre’d and give families some $10,000 tax credit fo’ foe years uh college and increase Pell Grants.


What it is, Mama!) And let’s tell anoda’ one million students dat when dey graduate, dey gots’ta be required t’pay only 10 puh’cent uh deir income on student loans, and all uh deir debt gots’ta be fo’given afta’ 20 years –- and fo’given afta’ 10 years if dey choose some carea’ in public service, cuz’ in de United States uh America, no one should go broke cuz’ dey chose t’go t’college.

What it is, Mama! (Applause.

What it is, Mama!) And by de way, it’s time fo’ colleges and universities t’get serious about cuttin’ deir own costs -– (applause) — cuz’ dey, too, gots’ some responsibility t’help solve dis problem.

‘S coo’, bro.

Now, de price uh college tuishun be plum one uh de burdens facin’ de middle class.

Dat’s why last year ah’ ax’ed Vice President Biden t’cfro some tax’ fo’ce on middle-class families.

Dat’s why we’re nearly doublin’ de child care tax credit, and makin’ it easia’ to save fo’ retirement by givin’ access t’every wo’ka’ a retirement account and ‘espandin’ de tax credit fo’ dose who start some nest egg.

Dat’s why we’re wo’kin’ t’lift da damn value uh a family’s sin’le largest investment –- deir crib.

De steps we took last year t’sho’e down de housin’ market gots’ allowed millions uh Americans t’ snatch out new loans and save an average uh $1,500 on mo’tgage payments.

Dis year, we gots’ta step down refinancin’ so’s dat cribowners kin move into mo’e affo’dable mo’tgages.


What it is, Mama!) And it be precisely t’relieve da damn burden on middle-class families dat we still need heald insurance refo’m.

‘S coo’, bro.


What it is, Mama!) Yes, we do.


What it is, Mama!) Now, let’s clear some few wahtahmelluns down.


Ah be baaad…) ah’ dun didn’t choose t’tackle dis issue t’get some legislative victo’y unda’ my belt.

And by now it should be fairly obvious dat ah’ dun didn’t snatch on heald care cuz’ it wuz baaaad politics.


Ah be baaad…) ah’ took on heald care cuz’ of de sto’ies I’ve heard fum Americans wid preexistin’ condishuns whose lives depend on gittin’ coverage; patients who’ve been denied coverage; families –- even dose wid insurance -– who are plum one illness away fum financial ruin.

‘S coo’, bro.

Afta’ nearly some century uh tryin’ — Democratic administrashuns, Republican administrashuns — we are closa’ dan eva’ to brin’in’ mo’e security t’de lives uh so many Americans.

De approach we’ve snatchn would protect every American fum de wo’st practices uh de insurance industry.

Slap mah fro! It would give little-ass businesses and uninsho’ nuffd Americans some chance t’choose an affo’dable heald care plan in some competitive market.

It would require every insurance plan t’cova’ preventive care.

What it is, Mama! And by de way, ah’ wanna acknowledge our First Lady, Michelle Obama, who dis year be creatin’ some nashunal movement t’tackle da damn epidemic uh childhood obesity and make kids healdier.

Ah be baaad…


What it is, Mama!) Dank ya’.

She gits embarrassed.


Ah be baaad…) Our approach would preserve da damn right uh Americans who gots’ insurance t’keep deir docto’ and deir plan.

‘S coo’, bro.

It would reduce costs and premiums fo’ millions uh families and businesses.

And acco’din’ t’de Congressional Budget Office -– de independent o’ganizashun dat bod parties gots’ cited as de official sco’ekeepuh’ fo’ Congress –- our approach would brin’ waaay down de deficit by as much as $1 trillion ova’ de next two decades.


What it is, Mama!) Still, dis be a complex issue, and da damn longa’ it wuz debated, de mo’e skeptical sucka’s became.

What it is, Mama! ah’ snatch mah’ share uh de blame fo’ not ‘esplainin’ it mo’e clearly t’de American sucka’s.

And ah’ know dat wid all de lobbyin’ and ho’se-tradin’, de process left most Americans wonderin’, “What’s in it fo’ me?” But ah’ also know dis problem be not goin’ away.

Slap mah fro! By de time I’m finished speakin’ tonight, mo’e Americans gots’ta lost deir heald insurance.

What it is, Mama! Millions gots’ta lose it dis year.

Ah be baaad…

Our deficit gots’ta grow.

Premiums gots’ta go down.

Patients gots’ta be denied da damn care dey need.

Small business owners gots’ta continue t’drop coverage altogeder.

Ah be baaad…

ah’ gots’ta not walk away fum dese Americans, and neida’ should da damn sucka’s in dis chamber.

Ah be baaad…


What it is, Mama!) So, as tempuh’tures cool, ah’ wants’ everyone t’ snatch anoda’ look at da damn plan we’ve proposed.

Dere’s some reason why many docto’s, nurses, and heald care ‘espuh’ts who know our system best consida’ dis approach some vast improvement ova’ de status quo.

But if anyone fum eida’ party gots’ta some betta’ approach dat gots’ta brin’ waaay down premiums, brin’ waaay down de deficit, cova’ de uninsho’ nuffd, strengden Medicare fo’ senio’s, and stop insurance company abuses, let me know.


What it is, Mama!) Let me know.

Let me know.


What it is, Mama!) I’m eaga’ to see it.

Here’s whut ah’ ax’ Congress, dough, dig dis: Don’t walk away fum refo’m.

‘S coo’, bro.

Not now.

Not when we are so’s close.

What it is, Mama! Let us find some way t’come togeda’ and finish de job fo’ de American sucka’s.


What it is, Mama!) Let’s git it done.

What it is, Mama! Let’s git it done.

What it is, Mama! (Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Now, even as heald care refo’m would reduce our deficit, it’s not enough t’dig us out uh a massive fiscal hole in which we find ourselves.

It’s some challenge dat makes all oders dat much harda’ to solve, and one dat’s been subject t’a lot uh political posturin’.

So let me start da damn discussion uh guv’ment spendin’ by settin’ de reco’d straight.

At da damn beginnin’ uh de last decade, de year 2000, America had some budget surplus uh ova’ $200 billion.

‘S coo’, bro.


What it is, Mama!) By de time ah’ took office, we had some one-year deficit uh ova’ $1 trillion and projected deficits uh $8 trillion ova’ de next decade.

What it is, Mama! Most uh dis wuz de result uh not payin’ fo’ two wars, two tax cuts, and an ‘espensive prescripshun drug honky code.

On top uh dat, de effects uh de recession put some $3 trillion hole in our budget.

All dis wuz befo’e ah’ walked in de doo’.

(Laughta’ and applause.

What it is, Mama!) Now — plum statin’ de facts.

Now, if we had snatchn office in o’dinary times, ah’ would gots’ likesd nodin’ mo’e dan t’start brin’in’ waaay down de deficit.

But we took office amid some crisis.

And our effo’ts t’prevent some second depression gots’ added anoda’ $1 trillion t’our nashunal debt.

Dat, too, be a fact.

I’m absolutely convinced dat wuz de right wahtahmellun t’do.

But families across de country are tightenin’ deir belts and makin’ tough decisions.

De federal guv’ment should do de same.

What it is, Mama! (Applause.

What it is, Mama!) So tonight, I’m proposin’ specific steps t’pay fo’ de trillion dollars dat it took t’rescue da damn economy last year.

Ah be baaad…

Startin’ in 2011, we are prepared t’freeze guv’ment spendin’ fo’ dree years.


What it is, Mama!) Spendin’ related t’our nashunal security, Medicare, Medicaid, and Social Security gots’ta not be affected.

But all oda’ discreshunary guv’ment honky codes will.

Like any cash-strapped family, we gots’ta wo’k widin some budget t’invest in whut we need and sacrifice whut we duzn’t.

And if ah’ gots’ta enfo’ce dis discipline by veto, ah’ will.


What it is, Mama!) We gots’ta continue t’go drough de budget, line by line, page by page, t’eliminate honky codes dat we kin’t affo’d and duzn’t wo’k.

We’ve already identified $20 billion in savin’s fo’ next year.

Ah be baaad…

To help wo’kin’ families, we’ll ‘estend our middle-class tax cuts.

But at some time uh reco’d deficits, we gots’ta not continue tax cuts fo’ oil companies, fo’ investment fund managers, and fo’ dose makin’ ova’ $250,000 some year.

Ah be baaad…

We plum can’t affo’d it.


What it is, Mama!) Now, even afta’ payin’ fo’ whut we spent on mah’ watch, we’ll still face da damn massive deficit we had when ah’ took office.

What it is, Mama! Mo’e impo’tantly, de cost uh Medicare, Medicaid, and Social Security gots’ta continue t’skyrocket.

Dat’s why I’ve called fo’ some bipartisan fiscal commission, modeled on some proposal by Republican Judd Gregg and Democrat Kent Conrad.


What it is, Mama!) Dis kin’t be one uh dose Washin’ton gimmicks dat lets us pretend we solved some problem.

‘S coo’, bro.

De commission gots’ta t’provide some specific set uh solushuns by some certain wastedline.

What it is, Mama! Now, yesterday, de Senate blocked some bill dat would gots’ created dis commission.

‘S coo’, bro.

So I’ll issue an ‘esecutive o’da’ dat gots’ta allow us t’go fo’ward, cuz’ I refuse t’pass dis problem on t’anoda’ generashun uh Americans.


What it is, Mama!) And when de vote comes tomo’row, de Senate should resto’e da damn pay-as-ya’-go law dat wuz some big-ass reason fo’ why we had reco’d surpluses in de 1990s.


What it is, Mama!) Now, ah’ know dat some in mah’ own party gots’ta argue dat we kin’t address de deficit o’ freeze guv’ment spendin’ when so’s many are still hurtin’.

And ah’ agree — which be why dis freeze won’t snatch effect until next year — (laughter) — when de economy be stronger.

Ah be baaad…

Dat’s how budgetin’ wo’ks.

(Laughta’ and applause.

What it is, Mama!) But dig it –- dig it if we duzn’t snatch meanin’ful steps t’rein in our debt, it could damage our markets, increase da damn cost uh bo’rowin’, and jeopardize our recovery -– all uh which would gots’ an even wo’se effect on our job growd and family incomes.

From some on de right, ah’ ‘spect we’ll hear some different argument -– dat if we plum make fewa’ investments in our sucka’s, ‘estend tax cuts includin’ dose fo’ de wealdia’ Americans, eliminate mo’e regulashuns, maintain de status quo on heald care, our deficits gots’ta go away.

Slap mah fro! De problem be dat’s whut we dun did fo’ eight years.


What it is, Mama!) Dat’s whut helped us into dis crisis.

It’s whut helped lead t’dese deficits.

We kin’t do it again.

‘S coo’, bro.

Rada’ dan fight da damn same tired battles dat gots’ dominated Washin’ton fo’ decades, it’s time t’try sump’n new.

Let’s invest in our sucka’s widout leavin’ dem some mountain uh debt.

Let’s meet our responsibility t’de citizens who sent us here.

What it is, Mama! Let’s try common sense.

What it is, Mama! (Laughter.

Ah be baaad…) A novel concept.

To do dat, we gots’ta recognize dat we face mo’e dan some deficit uh dollars right now.

We face some deficit uh trust -– deep and co’rosive doubts about how Washin’ton wo’ks dat gots’ been growin’ fo’ years.

To close dat credibility gap we gots’ta snatch acshun on bod ends uh Pennsylvania Avenue — t’end da damn outsized influence uh lobbyists; t’do our wo’k openly; t’give our sucka’s de guv’ment dey deserve.

What it is, Mama! (Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Dat’s whut ah’ came t’Washin’ton t’do.

Dat’s why -– fo’ de fust time in histo’y –- mah’ administrashun posts on our White House visito’s online.

What it is, Mama! Dat’s why we’ve ‘sluded lobbyists fum policymakin’ jobs, o’ seats on federal bo’ds and commissions.

But we kin’t stop dere.

What it is, Mama! It’s time t’require lobbyists t’disclose each contact dey make on behalf uh a client wid mah’ administrashun o’ wid Congress.

It’s time t’put strict limits on de contribushuns dat lobbyists give t’candun didates fo’ federal office.

What it is, Mama! Wid all due deference t’separashun uh powers, last week de Sdownreme Court reversed some century uh law dat ah’ believe gots’ta jimmey de floodgates fo’ special interests –- includin’ fo’eign co’po’ashuns –- t’spend widout limit in our elecshuns.


What it is, Mama!) ah’ duzn’t dink American elecshuns should be bankrolled by America’s most powerful interests, o’ wo’se, by fo’eign entities.


What it is, Mama!) Dey should be decided by de American sucka’s.

And I’d urge Democrats and Republicans t’pass some bill dat helps t’co’rect some uh dese problems.

I’m also callin’ on Congress t’continue waaay down de alley uh earmark refo’m.

‘S coo’, bro.


What it is, Mama!) Democrats and Republicans.


What it is, Mama!) Democrats and Republicans.

You’s’ve trimmed some uh dis spendin’, ya”ve embraced some meanin’ful change.

What it is, Mama! But resto’in’ de public trust demands mo’e.

What it is, Mama! Fo’ ‘esample, some members uh Congress post some earmark requests online.

What it is, Mama! (Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Tonight, I’m callin’ on Congress t’publish all earmark requests on some sin’le Web site befo’e dere’s some vote, so’s dat da damn American sucka’s kin see how deir bre’d be bein’ spent.


What it is, Mama!) Of course, none uh dese refo’ms gots’ta even happen if we duzn’t also refo’m how we wo’k wid one anoder.

Ah be baaad…

Now, I’m not naïve.

What it is, Mama! ah’ neva’ dought dat da damn mere fact uh my elecshun would usha’ in peace and harmony — (laughter) — and some post-partisan era.


ah’ knowed dat bod parties gots’ fed divisions dat are deeply entrenched.

And on some issues, dere are simply philosophical differences dat gots’ta always cause us t’part ways.

Dese disagreements, about da damn role uh guv’ment in our lives, about our nashunal prio’ities and our nashunal security, dey’ve been takin’ place fo’ ova’ 200 years.

Dey’re da damn very essence uh our democracy.

Slap mah fro! But whut frustrates de American sucka’s be a Washin’ton where every day be Elecshun Day.

Slap mah fro! We kin’t wage some puh’petual campaign where da damn only goal be to see who kin git de most embarrassin’ ‘haidlines about da damn oda’ side -– some belief dat if ya’ lose, ah’ win.

‘S coo’, bro.

Neida’ party should delay o’ obstruct every sin’le bill plum a’cuz dey kin.

De confirmashun uh — (applause) — I’m speakin’ t’bod parties now.

De confirmashun uh sheeit-qualified public servants shouldn’t be held hostage t’de pet projects o’ grudges uh a few individual senato’s.


What it is, Mama!) Washin’ton may dink dat sayin’ anydin’ about da damn oda’ side, no matta’ how false, no matta’ how malicious, be plum part uh de game.

What it is, Mama! But it’s precisely such politics dat gots’ta stopped eida’ party fum helpin’ de American sucka’s.

Wo’se yet, it’s sowin’ furda’ division among our citizens, furda’ distrust in our guv’ment.

So, no, ah’ gots’ta not give down on tryin’ t’change da damn tone uh our politics.

ah’ know it’s an elecshun year.

Ah be baaad…

And afta’ last week, it’s clear dat campaign feva’ has mosey on down even earlia’ dan usual.

But we still need t’govern.

‘S coo’, bro.

To Democrats, ah’ would remind ya’ dat we still gots’ de largest majo’ity in decades, and da damn sucka’s ‘espect us t’solve problems, not run fo’ de hills.


What it is, Mama!) And if de Republican leadership be goin’ t’insist dat 60 votes in de Senate are required t’do any business at all in dis town — some sdownermajo’ity — den de responsibility t’govern be now yo’s as sheeit.


What it is, Mama!) Just sayin’ no t’everydin’ may be baaaad sho’t-term politics, but it’s not leadership.

We wuz sent here t’serve our citizens, not our ambishuns.


What it is, Mama!) So let’s show de American sucka’s dat we kin do it togeder.

Ah be baaad…


What it is, Mama!) Dis week, I’ll be addressin’ some meetin’ uh de House Republicans.

I’d likes t’begin mondly meetin’s wid bod Democratic and Republican leadership.

ah’ know ya’ kin’t wait.


Ah be baaad…) Droughout our histo’y, no issue gots’ta united dis country mo’e dan our security.

Slap mah fro! Sadly, some uh de unity we felt afta’ 9/11 gots’ta dissipated.

We kin argue all we wants’ about who’s t’blame fo’ dis, but I’m not interested in re-litigatin’ de past.

ah’ know dat all uh us love dis country.

Slap mah fro! All uh us are committed t’its defense.

What it is, Mama! So let’s put aside da damn farmyard taunts about who’s tough.

Let’s reject da damn false choice between protectin’ our sucka’s and downholdin’ our values.

Let’s leave behind da damn fear and division, and do whut it snatch’d t’defend our nashun and fo’ge some mo’e hopeful future — fo’ America and fo’ de wo’ld.


What it is, Mama!) Dat’s de wo’k we began last year.

Ah be baaad…

Since da damn day ah’ took office, we’ve renewed our focus on de terro’ists who dreaten our nashun.

We’ve made substantial investments in our cribland security and disrdownted plots dat dreatened t’ snatch American lives.

We are fillin’ unacceptable gaps revealed by de failed Christmas attack, wid betta’ airline security and swifta’ acshun on our intelligence.

What it is, Mama! We’ve prohibited to’ture and strengdened partnerships fum de Pacific t’Soud Asia t’de Arabian Peninsula.


And in de last year, hundreds uh al Qaeda’s fighters and affiliates, includin’ many senio’ leaders, gots’ been captured o’ wasted — far mo’e dan in 2008.

And in Afghanistan, we’re increasin’ our troops and trainin’ Afghan security fo’ces so’s dey kin begin t’ snatch de lead in July uh 2011, and our troops kin begin t’come crib.


What it is, Mama!) We gots’ta reward baaaad governance, wo’k t’reduce co’rdownshun, and sdownpo’t da damn rights uh all Afghans — dudes and honky chicks alikes.


What it is, Mama!) We’re joined by allies and partners who gots’ increased deir own commitments, and who gots’ta come togeda’ tomo’row in London t’reaffirm our common purpose.

What it is, Mama! Dere gots’ta be difficult days a’haid.

But ah’ am absolutely confident we gots’ta succeed.

As we snatch de fight t’al Qaeda, we are responsibly leavin’ Iraq t’its sucka’s.

As some candun didate, ah’ promised dat ah’ would end dis war, and dat be whut ah’ am doin’ as President.

We gots’ta all uh our combat troops out uh Iraq by de end uh dis August.


What it is, Mama!) We gots’ta sdownpo’t da damn Iraqi guv’ment — we gots’ta sdownpo’t da damn Iraqi guv’ment as dey hold elecshuns, and we gots’ta continue t’partna’ wid de Iraqi sucka’s t’promote regional peace and prospuh’ity.

Slap mah fro! But make no mis snatch: Dis war be endin’, and all uh our troops are comin’ crib.


What it is, Mama!) Tonight, all uh our dudes and honky chicks in unifo’m — in Iraq, in Afghanistan, and around da damn wo’ld –- dey gots’ta know dat we — dat dey gots’ our respect, our gratitude, our full sdownpo’t.

And plum as dey must gots’ de resources dey need in war, we all gots’ some responsibility t’sdownpo’t dem when dey mosey on down crib.


What it is, Mama!) Dat’s why we made da damn largest increase in investments fo’ veterans in decades — last year.

Ah be baaad…


What it is, Mama!) Dat’s why we’re buildin’ some 21st century VA.

And dat’s why Michelle gots’ta joined wid Jill Biden t’fo’ge some nashunal commitment t’sdownpo’t military families.


What it is, Mama!) Now, even as we prosecute two wars, we’re also confrontin’ puh’haps de greatest danga’ to de American sucka’s -– de dreat uh nuclear weapons.

I’ve embraced da damn vision uh Raz’tus F.

Kennedy and Rolo Kingfish drough some strategy dat reverses de spread uh dese weapons and seeks some wo’ld widout dem.

‘S coo’, bro.

To reduce our stockpiles and launchers, while ensurin’ our deterrent, de United States and Russia are completin’ negotsiashuns on de fardest-reachin’ arms control treaty in nearly two decades.


What it is, Mama!) And at April’s Nuclear Security Summit, we gots’ta brin’ 44 nashuns togeda’ here in Washin’ton, D.C.

behind some clear goal, dig dis: securin’ all vulnerable nuclear materials around da damn wo’ld in foe years, so’s dat dey neva’ fall into de hands uh terro’ists.


What it is, Mama!) Now, dese diplomatic effo’ts gots’ also strengdened our hand in dealin’ wid dose nashuns dat insist on violatin’ internashunal agreements in pursuit uh nuclear weapons.

Dat’s why No’d Ko’ea now faces increased isolashun, and stronga’ sancshuns –- sancshuns dat are bein’ vigo’ously enfo’ced.

Dat’s why de internashunal community be mo’e united, and da damn Islamic Republic uh Iran be mo’e isolated.

And as Iran’s leaders continue t’igno’e deir obligashuns, dere should be no doubt, dig dis: Dey, too, gots’ta face growin’ consequences.

Dat be a promise.

What it is, Mama! (Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Dat’s de leadership dat we are providin’ –- engagement dat advances de common security and prospuh’ity uh all sucka’s.

We’re wo’kin’ drough de G20 t’sustain some lastin’ global recovery.

Slap mah fro! We’re wo’kin’ wid Muslim communities around da damn wo’ld t’promote science and educashun and innovashun.

We gots’ gone fum some bystanda’ to some leada’ in de fight against climate change.

What it is, Mama! We’re helpin’ developin’ countries t’feed demselves, and continuin’ de fight against HIV/AIDS.

And we are launchin’ some new initiative dat gots’ta give us de capacity t’respond fasta’ and mo’e effectively t’bioterro’ism o’ an infectious disease -– some plan dat gots’ta counta’ dreats at crib and strengden public heald abroad.

As we gots’ fo’ ova’ 60 years, America snatch’d dese acshuns cuz’ our destiny be connected t’dose beyond our sho’es.

But we also do it cuz’ it be right.

Dat’s why, as we meet here tonight, ova’ 10,000 Americans are wo’kin’ wid many nashuns t’help de sucka’s uh Haiti recova’ and rebuild.


What it is, Mama!) Dat’s why we stand wid de goat who yearns t’go t’farm in Afghanistan; why we sdownpo’t da damn human rights uh de honky chicks marchin’ drough de streets uh Iran; why we advocate fo’ de yung dude denied some job by co’rdownshun in Guinea.


Fo’ America must always stand on de side uh freedom and human dignity.

Slap mah fro! (Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Always.


What it is, Mama!) Abroad, America’s greatest source uh strengd gots’ta always been our ideals.

De same be true at crib.

We find unity in our incredible diversity, drawin’ on de promise enshrined in our Constitushun: de noshun dat we’re all created equal; dat no matta’ who ya’ are o’ whut ya’ look likes, if ya’ abide by de law ya’ should be protected by it; if ya’ adhere t’our common values ya’ should be treated no different dan anyone else.

What it is, Mama! We must continually renew dis promise.

What it is, Mama! My administrashun gots’ta some Civil Rights Division dat be once again prosecutin’ civil rights violashuns and employment discriminashun.


What it is, Mama!) We finally strengdened our laws t’protect against crimes rolln by hate.

What it is, Mama! (Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Dis year, ah’ gots’ta wo’k wid Congress and our military t’finally repeal de law dat denies gay Americans de right t’serve da damn country dey love cuz’ of who dey are.

What it is, Mama! (Applause.

What it is, Mama!) It’s de right wahtahmellun t’do.


What it is, Mama!) We’re goin’ t’crack waaay down on violashuns uh equal pay laws -– so’s dat honky chicks git equal pay fo’ an equal day’s wo’k.


What it is, Mama!) And we should continue da damn wo’k uh fixin’ our bugger’d immigrashun system -– t’secure our bo’ders and enfo’ce our laws, and ensho’ nuff dat everyone who plays by de rules kin contribute t’our economy and enrich our nashun.


What it is, Mama!) In de end, it’s our ideals, our values dat built America — values dat allowed us t’fo’ge some nashun made down uh immigrants fum every co’na’ of de globe; values dat roll our citizens still.

Every day, Americans meet deir responsibilities t’deir families and deir employers.

Time and again, dey lend some hand t’deir neighbo’s and give back t’deir country.

Slap mah fro! Dey snatch pride in deir labo’, and are generous in spirit.

Dese ain’t Republican values o’ Democratic values dat dey’re livin’ by; business values o’ labo’ values.

Dey’re American values.

Unfo’tunately, too many uh our citizens gots’ lost faid dat our big-assgest institushuns -– our co’po’ashuns, our media, and, yes, our guv’ment –- still reflect dese same values.

Each uh dese institushuns are full uh hono’able dudes and honky chicks doin’ impo’tant wo’k dat helps our country prospuh’.

But each time some CEO rewards himself fo’ failure, o’ some banka’ puts de rest uh us at risk fo’ his own selfish gain, sucka’s’s doubts grow.

Each time lobbyists game da damn system o’ politicians tear each oda’ waaay down instead uh liftin’ dis country down, we lose faid.

De mo’e dat TV pundits reduce serious debates t’silly arguments, big-ass issues into sound bites, our citizens turn away.

Slap mah fro! No wonda’ dere’s so’s much cynicism out dere.

What it is, Mama! No wonda’ dere’s so’s much disappointment.

I campaigned on de promise uh change –- change we kin recon’ in, de slogan went.

And right now, ah’ know dere are many Americans who ain’t sho’ nuff if dey still recon’ we kin change –- o’ dat ah’ can deliva’ it.

But rememba’ dis –- ah’ neva’ suggested dat change would be easy, o’ dat ah’ could do it alone.

What it is, Mama! Democracy in some nashun uh 300 million sucka’s kin be noisy and messy and complicated.

And when ya’ try t’do big-ass wahtahmelluns and make big-ass changes, it stirs passions and controversy.

Slap mah fro! Dat’s plum how it is.

Dose uh us in public office kin respond t’dis reality by playin’ it safe and avoid tellin’ hard truds and pointin’ fin’ers.

We kin do whut’s necessary t’keep our poll numbers high, and git drough de next elecshun instead uh doin’ whut’s best fo’ de next generashun.

But ah’ also know dis, dig dis: If sucka’s had made dat decision 50 years ago, o’ 100 years ago, o’ 200 years ago, we wouldn’t be here tonight.

De only reason we are here be a’cuz generashuns uh Americans wuz unafraid t’do whut wuz hard; t’do whut wuz needed even when success wuz uncertain; t’do whut it took t’keep de dream uh dis nashun alive fo’ deir children and deir grandchildren.

‘S coo’, bro.

Our administrashun gots’ta had some political setbacks dis year, and some uh dem wuz deserved.

But ah’ wake down every day knowin’ dat dey ainthin’ compared t’de setbacks dat families all across dis country gots’ faced dis year.

Ah be baaad…

And whut keeps me goin’ -– whut keeps me fightin’ -– be dat despite all dese setbacks, dat spirit uh determinashun and optimism, dat fundamental decency dat gots’ta always been at da damn co’e uh de American sucka’s, dat lives on.

‘S coo’, bro.

It lives on in de strugglin’ little-ass business owna’ who wrote t’me uh his company, “None uh us,” he said, “…are willin’ t’consider, even slightly, dat we might fail.” It lives on in de mama who said dat even dough she and ha’ neighbo’s gots’ felt da damn pain uh recession, “We are strong.

We are resilient.

We are American.

‘S coo’, bro.” It lives on in de 8-year-old boy in Louisiana, who plum sent me his allowance and ax’ed if ah’ would give it t’de sucka’s uh Haiti.

Ya’ know? And it lives on in all de Americans who’ve dropped everydin’ t’go someplace dey’ve neva’ been and pull sucka’s dey’ve neva’ knode fum de rubble, promptin’ chants uh “U.S.A..

Right On! U.S.A..

Right On! U.S.A.

Right On! ” when anoda’ life wuz saved.

De spirit dat gots’ta sustained dis nashun fo’ mo’e dan two centuries lives on in ya’, its sucka’s.

We gots’ finished some difficult year.

Ah be baaad…

We gots’ mosey on down drough some difficult decade.

What it is, Mama! But some new year gots’ta come.

What it is, Mama! A new decade stretches befo’e us.

We duzn’t quit.

ah’ duzn’t quit.


What it is, Mama!) Let’s seize dis moment — t’start anew, t’carry de dream fo’ward, and t’strengden our union once mo’e.

What it is, Mama! (Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Dank ya’.

God bless ya’.

And God bless de United States uh America.



What it is, Mama!)

2010 SOTU in Valley Girl

Recently I came across this web page that translates English into Swedish Chef, Jive, Valley Girl and Pig Latin. So, naturally I had to paste in Barack Obama’s 2010 State of the Union Address.


Oh, and the original.

Anyway, without further ado, the 2010 State of the Union address in Valley Girl:

THE PRESIDENT: Madam Speaker, mostly, Vice President Biden, mostly, members of Congress, man, distin’uished guests, like, wow, and fellow Americans: Our Constitution declares that from time to time, oh, baby, the President shall give to Congress information about thuh state of our union.

For 220 years, oh, baby, our leaders have fulfilled this duty.

They’ve done so durin’ periods of prosperity and tranquility.

And they’ve done so in thuh midst of war and depression; at moments of awesum strife and awesum struggle.

It’s temptin’ to look back on these moments and assume that our progress was inevitable -– that America was always destined to succeed.

Man, when thuh Union was turned back at Bull Run, like, wow, and thuh Allies first landed at Omaha Beach, like, victory was very much in doubt.

When thuh market crashed on Black Tuesday, fer shure, and civil rights marchers were beaten on Bloody Sunday, like, the future was like wow! anythin’ but certain.

These were thuh times that tested thuh courage of our convictions, fer shure, and thuh strength of our union.

And despite all our divisions and disagreements, like, wow, our hesitations and our fears, like, wow, America prevailed because we chose to move forward as one nation, like, wow, as one guys.

Again, mostly, we are tested.

And again, mostly, we must answer history’s call.

One year ago, man, I took office amid two wars, mostly, an economy rocked by a severe recession, like, wow, a financial system on thuh verge of collapse, like, wow, and a government deeply in debt.

Experts from across thuh political spectrum warned that if we did not act, man, we might face a second depression.

So we acted -– immediately and aggressively.

And one year later, fer shure, the worst of thuh storm has passed.

Man, the devastation remains.

One in 10 Americans still cannot find work.

Many businesses have shuttered.

Home values have declined.

Small towns and rural communities have been hit especially hard.

And for those who’d already known poverty, mostly, life has become that much harder.

Like, ya know, this recession has also compounded thuh burdens that America’s families have been dealin’ with for decades –- thuh burden of workin’ harder and longer for less; of bein’ unable to save enough to retire or help kids with college.

So I know thuh anxieties that are out there right now.

They’re not new.

These struggles are thuh reason I ran for President.

These struggles are what I’ve witnessed for years in places like Elkhart, man, Indiana; Galesburg, man, Illinois.

I hear about them in thuh letters that I read each night.

The toughest to read are those written by children -– askin’ why they have to move from their home, fer shure, askin’ when their mom or dad will be ya know, like, able to go back to work.

For these Americans and so many others, oh, baby, change has not come fast enough.

Some are frustrated; some are angry.

They don’t understand why it seems like mean behavior on Wall Street is ya know, like, rewarded, oh, baby, but hard work on Main Street isn’t; or why Washin’ton has been unable or unwillin’ to solve any of our problems.

They’re tired of thuh partisanship and thuh shoutin’ and thuh pettiness.

They know we can’t afford it.

Not now.

So we face bitchin’ and difficult challenges.

And what thuh American guys hope -– what they deserve -– is for all of us, like, Democrats and Republicans, like, wow, to work through our differences; to overcome thuh numbin’ weight of our politics.

For while thuh people who sent us here have different backgrounds, like, wow, different stories, like, wow, different beliefs, mostly, the anxieties they face are thuh same.

The aspirations they hold are shared: a job that pays thuh bills; a chance to get ahead; most of all, fer shure, the ability to give their children a better life.

You know what else they share? They share a stubborn resilience in thuh face of adversity.

After one of thuh most difficult years in our history, mostly, they remain busy buildin’ cars and teachin’ kids, man, startin’ businesses and goin’ back to school.

They’re coachin’ Little League and helpin’ their neighbors.

One woman wrote to me and said, fer shure, “Us guys are strained but hopeful, fer shure, strugglin’ but encouraged.” It’s because of this spirit -– this awesum decency and awesum strength -– that I have never been more hopeful about America’s future than I am tonight.

(Applause.) Despite our hardships, mostly, our union is strong.

Us guys do not give up.

Us guys do not quit.

Us guys do not allow fear or division to break our spirit.

In this new decade, oh, baby, it’s time thuh American guys get a government that matches their decency; that embodies their strength.

(Applause.) And tonight, like, wow, tonight I’d like to talk about how together we can deliver on that promise.

It begins with our economy.

Our most urgent task upon takin’ office was to shore up thuh same banks that helped cause this crisis.

It was ya know, like, not easy to do.

And if there’s one thin’ that has unified Democrats and Republicans, man, and everybody in between, like, it’s that we all hated thuh bank bailout.

I hated it — (applause.) I hated it.

You hated it.

It was ya know, like, about as popular as a root canal.

(Laughter.) Man, when I ran for President, man, I promised I wouldn’t just do what was popular -– I would do what was like wow! necessary.

And if we had allowed thuh meltdown of thuh financial system, oh, baby, unemployment might be double what it is like wow! today.

More businesses would certainly have closed.

More homes would have surely been lost.

So I supported thuh last administration’s efforts to create thuh financial rescue program.

And when we took that program over, like, we made it more transparent and more accountable.

And as a result, like, wow, the markets are now stabilized, oh, baby, and we’ve recovered most of thuh money we spent on thuh banks.

(Applause.) Most but not all.

To recover thuh rest, like, wow, I’ve proposed a fee on thuh biggest banks.

(Applause.) Now, like, I know Wall Street isn’t keen on this idea.

Man, if these firms can afford to hand out bitchin’ bonuses again, fer shure, they can afford a modest fee to pay back thuh taxpayers who rescued them in their time of need.

(Applause.) Now, like, as we stabilized thuh financial system, like, we also took steps to get our economy growin’ again, fer shure, save as many jobs as possible, fer shure, and help Americans who had become unemployed.

That’s why we extended or increased unemployment benefits for more than 18 million Americans; made health insurance 65 percent cheaper for families who get their coverage through COBRA; and passed 25 different tax cuts.

Now, like, let me repeat: Us guys cut taxes.

Us guys cut taxes for 95 percent of workin’ families.

(Applause.) Us guys cut taxes for small businesses.

Us guys cut taxes for first-time homebuyers.

Us guys cut taxes for parents tryin’ to care for their children.

Us guys cut taxes for 8 million Americans payin’ for college.

(Applause.) I thought I’d get some applause on that one.

(Laughter and applause.) As a result, like, millions of Americans had more to spend on gas and munchies and other necessities, like, wow, all of which helped businesses keep more workers.

And we haven’t raised income taxes by a sin’le dime on a sin’le person.

Not a sin’le dime.

(Applause.) Because of thuh steps we took, mostly, there are about two million Americans workin’ right now who would otherwise be unemployed.

(Applause.) Two hundred thousand work in construction and clean energy; 300,000 are teachers and other education workers.

Tens of thousands are cops, like, wow, firefighters, fer shure, correctional officers, like, first responders.

(Applause.) And we’re on track to add another one and a half million jobs to this total by thuh end of thuh year.

The plan that has made all of this possible, like, wow, from thuh tax cuts to thuh jobs, oh, baby, is thuh Recovery Act.

(Applause.) That’s right -– thuh Recovery Act, like, wow, also known as thuh stimulus bill.

(Applause.) Economists on thuh left and thuh right say this bill has helped save jobs and avert disaster.

Man, you don’t have to take their word for it.

Talk to thuh small business in Phoenix that will triple its workforce because of thuh Recovery Act.

Talk to thuh window manufacturer in Philadelphia who said he used to be skeptical about thuh Recovery Act, like, wow, until he had to add two more work shifts just because of thuh business it created.

Talk to thuh sin’le teacher raisin’ two kids who was told by that chick principal in thuh last week of school that because of thuh Recovery Act, oh, baby, she wouldn’t be laid off after all.

Like, there are stories like this all across America.

And after two years of recession, man, the economy is like wow! growin’ again.

Retirement funds have started to gain back some of their value.

Businesses are beginnin’ to invest again, man, and slowly some are startin’ to hire again.

Man, I realize that for every success story, like, wow, there are other stories, like, of men and women who wake up with thuh anguish of not knowin’ where their next paycheck will come from; who send out resumes week after week and hear nothin’ in response.

That is like, ya know, why jobs must be our number-one focus in 2010, man, and that’s why I’m callin’ for a new jobs bill tonight.

(Applause.) Now, like, the true engine of job creation in this country will always be America’s businesses.

(Applause.) Man, government can create thuh conditions necessary for businesses to expand and hire more workers.

Us guys should start where most new jobs do –- in small businesses, man, companies that begin when — (applause) — companies that begin when an entrepreneur — when an entrepreneur takes a chance on a dream, like, or a worker decides it’s time she became that chick own boss.

Through sheer grit and determination, fer shure, these companies have weathered thuh recession and they’re ready to grow.

Man, when you talk to small businessowners in places like Allentown, like, Pennsylvania, man, or Elyria, like, Ohio, fer shure, you find out that even though banks on Wall Street are lendin’ again, mostly, they’re mostly lendin’ to bigger companies.

Financin’ remains difficult for small businessowners across thuh country, like, wow, even those that are makin’ a profit.

So tonight, like, wow, I’m proposin’ that we take $30 billion of thuh money Wall Street banks have repaid and use it to help community banks give small businesses thuh credit they need to stay afloat.

(Applause.) I’m also proposin’ a new small business tax credit -– one that will go to over one million small businesses who hire new workers or raise wages.

(Applause.) While we’re at it, mostly, let’s also eliminate all capital gains taxes on small business investment, like, wow, and provide a tax incentive for all awesum businesses and all small businesses to invest in new plants and equipment.

(Applause.) Next, like, wow, we can put Americans to work today buildin’ thuh infrastructure of tomorrow.

(Applause.) From thuh first railroads to thuh Interstate Highway System, oh, baby, our nation has always been built to compete.

Like, there’s no reason Europe or China should have thuh fastest trains, oh, baby, or thuh new factories that manufacture clean energy products.

Tomorrow, oh, baby, I’ll visit Tampa, oh, baby, Florida, oh, baby, where workers will soon break ground on a new high-speed railroad funded by thuh Recovery Act.

(Applause.) Like, there are projects like that all across this country that will create jobs and help move our nation’s bitchin’s, like, services, oh, baby, and information.

(Applause.) Us guys should put more Americans to work buildin’ clean energy facilities — (applause) — and give rebates to Americans who make their homes more energy-efficient, mostly, which supports clean energy jobs.

(Applause.) And to encourage these and other businesses to stay within our borders, like, wow, it is time to finally slash thuh tax breaks for companies that ship our jobs overseas, fer shure, and give those tax breaks to companies that create jobs right here in thuh United States of America.

(Applause.) Now, man, the House has passed a jobs bill that includes some of these steps.

(Applause.) As thuh first order of business this year, like, wow, I urge thuh Senate to do thuh same, fer shure, and I know they will.

(Applause.) They will.

(Applause.) People are out of work.

They’re hurtin’.

They need our help.

And I want a jobs bill on my desk without delay.

(Applause.) Man, the truth is, like, wow, these steps won’t make up for thuh seven million jobs that we’ve lost over thuh last two years.

The only way to move to full employment is like wow! to lay a new foundation for long-term economic growth, oh, baby, and finally address thuh problems that America’s families have confronted for years.

Us guys can’t afford another so-called economic “expansion” like thuh one from thuh last decade –- what some call thuh “lost decade” -– where jobs grew more slowly than durin’ any prior expansion; where thuh income of thuh average American padhold declined while thuh cost of health care and tuition reached record highs; where prosperity was like, ya know, built on a housin’ bubble and financial speculation.

From thuh day I took office, fer shure, I’ve been told that addressin’ our awesumr challenges is too ambitious; such an effort would be too contentious.

I’ve been told that our political system is like wow! too gridlocked, mostly, and that we should just put thin’s on hold for a while.

For those who make these claims, like, wow, I have one simple question: How long should we wait? How long should America put its future on hold? (Applause.) You see, like, wow, Washin’ton has been tellin’ us to wait for decades, like, even as thuh problems have grown worse.

Meanwhile, mostly, China is not waitin’ to revamp its economy.

Germany is like, ya know, not waitin’.

India is ya know, like, not waitin’.

These nations — they’re not standin’ still.

These nations aren’t playin’ for second place.

They’re puttin’ more emphasis on math and science.

They’re rebuildin’ their infrastructure.

They’re makin’ serious investments in clean energy because they want those jobs.

Well, mostly, I do not accept second place for thuh United States of America.

(Applause.) As hard as it may be, like, wow, as uncomfortable and contentious as thuh debates may become, like, it’s time to get serious about fixin’ thuh problems that are hamperin’ our growth.

Now, like, wow, one place to start is like, ya know, serious financial reform.

Look, fer shure, I am not interested in punishin’ banks.

I’m interested in protectin’ our economy.

A strong, mostly, healthy financial market makes it possible for businesses to access credit and create new jobs.

It channels thuh savin’s of families into investments that raise incomes.

Man, that can only happen if we guard against thuh same recklessness that nearly brought down our entire economy.

Us guys need to make sure consumers and middle-class families have thuh information they need to make financial decisions.

(Applause.) Us guys can’t allow financial institutions, like, includin’ those that take your deposits, mostly, to take risks that threaten thuh whole economy.

Now, like, wow, the House has already passed financial reform with many of these changes.

(Applause.) And thuh lobbyists are tryin’ to kill it.

Man, we cannot let them win this fight.

(Applause.) And if thuh bill that ends up on my desk does not meet thuh test of real reform, oh, baby, I will send it back until we get it right.

We’ve got to get it right.

(Applause.) Next, fer shure, we need to encourage American innovation.

Last year, oh, baby, we made thuh largest investment in basic research fundin’ in history -– (applause) — an investment that could lead to thuh world’s cheapest solar cells or treatment that kills cancer cells but blows healthy ones untouched.

And no area is more ripe for such innovation than energy.

You can see thuh results of last year’s investments in clean energy -– in thuh North Carolina company that will create 1,200 jobs nationwide helpin’ to make advanced batteries; or in thuh California business that will put a thousand guys to work makin’ solar panels.

Man, to create more of these clean energy jobs, man, we need more production, like, wow, more efficiency, like, wow, more incentives.

And that means buildin’ a new generation of safe, man, clean nuclear power plants in this country.

(Applause.) It means makin’ tough decisions about openin’ new offshore areas for oil and gas development.

(Applause.) It means continued investment in advanced biofuels and clean coal technologies.

(Applause.) And, like, yes, like, wow, it means passin’ a comprehensive energy and climate bill with incentives that will finally make clean energy thuh profitable kind of energy in America.

(Applause.) I am grateful to thuh House for passin’ such a bill last year.

(Applause.) And this year I’m eager to help advance thuh bipartisan effort in thuh Senate.

(Applause.) I know there have been questions about whether we can afford such changes in a tough economy.

I know that there are those who disagree with thuh overwhelmin’ scientific evidence on climate change.

Man, here’s thuh thin’ — even if you doubt thuh evidence, mostly, providin’ incentives for energy-efficiency and clean energy are thuh right thin’ to do for our future -– because thuh nation that leads thuh clean energy economy will be like wow! the nation that leads thuh global economy.

And America must be that nation.

(Applause.) Third, man, we need to export more of our bitchin’s.

(Applause.) Because thuh more products we make and sell to other countries, mostly, the more jobs we support right here in America.

(Applause.) So tonight, man, we set a new goal: Us guys will double our exports over thuh next five years, fer shure, an increase that will support two million jobs in America.

(Applause.) To help meet this goal, oh, baby, we’re launchin’ a National Export Initiative that will help farmers and small businesses increase their exports, like, wow, and reform export controls consistent with national security.

(Applause.) Us guys have to seek new markets aggressively, oh, baby, just as our competitors are.

If America sits on thuh sidelines while other nations sign trade deals, man, we will lose thuh chance to create jobs on our shores.

(Applause.) Man, realizin’ those benefits also means enforcin’ those agreements so our tradin’ partners play by thuh rules.

(Applause.) And that’s why we’ll continue to shape a Doha trade agreement that opens global markets, mostly, and why we will strengthen our trade relations in Asia and with key partners like South Korea and Panama and Colombia.

(Applause.) Fourth, like, wow, we need to invest in thuh skills and education of our guys.

(Applause.) Now, like, this year, mostly, we’ve broken through thuh stalemate between left and right by launchin’ a national competition to improve our schools.

And thuh idea here is like wow! simple: Instead of rewardin’ failure, man, we only reward success.

Instead of fundin’ thuh status quo, like, we only invest in reform — reform that raises student achievement; inspires students to excel in math and science; and turns around failin’ schools that steal thuh future of too many young Americans, fer shure, from rural communities to thuh inner city.

In thuh 21st century, oh, baby, the best anti-poverty program around is ya know, like, a world-class education.

(Applause.) And in this country, oh, baby, the success of our children cannot depend more on where they live than on their potential.

When we renew thuh Elementary and Secondary Education Act, like, we will work with Congress to expand these reforms to all 50 states.

Still, mostly, in this economy, man, a high school diploma no longer guarantees a bitchin’ job.

That’s why I urge thuh Senate to follow thuh House and pass a bill that will revitalize our community colleges, mostly, which are a career pathway to thuh children of so many workin’ families.

(Applause.) To make college more affordable, oh, baby, this bill will finally end thuh unwarranted taxpayer subsidies that go to banks for student loans.

(Applause.) Instead, mostly, let’s take that money and give families a $10,000 tax credit for four years of college and increase Pell Grants.

(Applause.) And let’s tell another one million students that when they graduate, fer shure, they will be required to pay only 10 percent of their income on student loans, oh, baby, and all of their debt will be forgiven after 20 years –- and forgiven after 10 years if they choose a career in public service, mostly, because in thuh United States of America, mostly, no one should go broke because they chose to go to college.

(Applause.) And by thuh way, like, it’s time for colleges and universities to get serious about cuttin’ their own costs -– (applause) — because they, like, wow, too, fer shure, have a responsibility to help solve this problem.

Now, mostly, the price of college tuition is just one of thuh burdens facin’ thuh middle class.

That’s why last year I asked Vice President Biden to chair a task force on middle-class families.

That’s why we’re nearly doublin’ thuh child care tax credit, oh, baby, and makin’ it easier to save for retirement by givin’ access to every worker a retirement account and expandin’ thuh tax credit for those who start a nest egg.

That’s why we’re workin’ to lift thuh value of a family’s sin’le awesumst investment –- their home.

The steps we took last year to shore up thuh housin’ market have allowed millions of Americans to take out new loans and save an average of $1,500 on mortgage payments.

Like, ya know, this year, oh, baby, we will step up refinancin’ so that homeowners can move into more affordable mortgages.

(Applause.) And it is precisely to relieve thuh burden on middle-class families that we still need health insurance reform.

(Applause.) Like, we do.

(Applause.) Now, like, let’s clear a few thin’s up.

(Laughter.) I didn’t choose to tackle this issue to get some legislative victory under my belt.

And by now it should be ya know, like, fairly obvious that I didn’t take on health care because it was like, ya know, good politics.

(Laughter.) I took on health care because of thuh stories I’ve heard from Americans with preexistin’ conditions whose lives depend on gettin’ coverage; patients who’ve been denied coverage; families –- even those with insurance -– who are just one illness away from financial ruin.

After nearly a century of tryin’ — Democratic administrations, mostly, Republican administrations — we are closer than ever to brin’in’ more security to thuh lives of so many Americans.

The approach we’ve taken would protect every American from thuh worst practices of thuh insurance industry.

It would give small businesses and uninsured Americans a chance to choose an affordable health care plan in a competitive market.

It would require every insurance plan to cover preventive care.

And by thuh way, like, I want to acknowledge our First Lady, man, Michelle Obama, man, who this year is creatin’ a national movement to tackle thuh epidemic of childhood obesity and make kids healthier.

(Applause.) Thank you.

That fox gets embarrassed.

(Laughter.) Our approach would preserve thuh right of Americans who have insurance to keep their doctor and their plan.

It would reduce costs and premiums for millions of families and businesses.

And accordin’ to thuh Congressional Budget Office -– thuh independent organization that both parties have cited as thuh official scorekeeper for Congress –- our approach would brin’ down thuh deficit by as much as $1 trillion over thuh next two decades.

(Applause.) Still, fer shure, this is a complex issue, fer shure, and thuh longer it was debated, man, the more skeptical guys became.

I take my share of thuh blame for not explainin’ it more clearly to thuh American guys.

And I know that with all thuh lobbyin’ and horse-tradin’, oh, baby, the process left most Americans wonderin’, oh, baby, “What’s in it for me?” Man, I also know this problem is not goin’ away.

By thuh time I’m finished speakin’ tonight, like, wow, more Americans will have lost their health insurance.

Millions will lose it this year.

Our deficit will grow.

Premiums will go up.

Patients will be like wow! denied thuh care they need.

Small business owners will continue to drop coverage altogether.

I will not walk away from these Americans, mostly, and neither should thuh people in this chamber.

(Applause.) So, mostly, as temperatures cool, man, I want everyone to take another look at thuh plan we’ve proposed.

Like, there’s a reason why many doctors, like, wow, nurses, like, wow, and health care experts who know our system best consider this approach a vast improvement over thuh status quo.

Man, if anyone from either party has a better approach that will brin’ down premiums, oh, baby, brin’ down thuh deficit, man, cover thuh uninsured, man, strengthen Medicare for seniors, like, wow, and stop insurance company abuses, fer shure, let me know.

(Applause.) Let me know.

Let me know.

(Applause.) I’m eager to see it.

Here’s what I ask Congress, mostly, though: Don’t walk away from reform.

Not now.

Not when we are so close.

Let us find a way to come together and finish thuh job for thuh American guys.

(Applause.) Let’s get it done.

Let’s get it done.

(Applause.) Now, oh, baby, even as health care reform would reduce our deficit, fer shure, it’s not enough to dig us out of a massive fiscal hole in which we find ourselves.

It’s a challenge that makes all others that much harder to solve, like, and one that’s been subject to a lot of political posturin’.

So let me start thuh discussion of government spendin’ by settin’ thuh record straight.

At thuh beginnin’ of thuh last decade, fer shure, the year 2000, fer shure, America had a budget surplus of over $200 billion.

(Applause.) By thuh time I took office, mostly, we had a one-year deficit of over $1 trillion and projected deficits of $8 trillion over thuh next decade.

Most of this was the result of not payin’ for two wars, oh, baby, two tax cuts, fer shure, and an expensive prescription drug program.

On top of that, like, wow, the effects of thuh recession put a $3 trillion hole in our budget.

All this was before I walked in thuh door.

(Laughter and applause.) Now — just statin’ thuh facts.

Now, fer shure, if we had taken office in ordinary times, oh, baby, I would have liked nothin’ more than to start brin’in’ down thuh deficit.

Man, we took office amid a crisis.

And our efforts to prevent a second depression have added another $1 trillion to our national debt.

That, like, wow, too, mostly, is a fact.

I’m absolutely convinced that was the right thin’ to do.

Man, families across thuh country are tightenin’ their belts and makin’ tough decisions.

The federal government should do thuh same.

(Applause.) So tonight, oh, baby, I’m proposin’ specific steps to pay for thuh trillion dollars that it took to rescue thuh economy last year.

Startin’ in 2011, oh, baby, we are prepared to freeze government spendin’ for three years.

(Applause.) Spendin’ related to our national security, fer shure, Medicare, like, Medicaid, like, wow, and Social Security will not be affected.

Man, all other discretionary government programs will.

Like any cash-strapped family, mostly, we will work within a budget to invest in what we need and sacrifice what we don’t.

And if I have to enforce this discipline by veto, like, wow, I will.

(Applause.) Us guys will continue to go through thuh budget, like, wow, line by line, fer shure, page by page, mostly, to eliminate programs that we can’t afford and don’t work.

We’ve already identified $20 billion in savin’s for next year.

To help workin’ families, like, we’ll extend our middle-class tax cuts.

Man, at a time of record deficits, mostly, we will not continue tax cuts for oil companies, like, wow, for investment fund managers, mostly, and for those makin’ over $250,000 a year.

Us guys just can’t afford it.

(Applause.) Now, oh, baby, even after payin’ for what we spent on my watch, oh, baby, we’ll still face thuh massive deficit we had when I took office.

More importantly, like, the cost of Medicare, oh, baby, Medicaid, man, and Social Security will continue to skyrocket.

That’s why I’ve called for a bipartisan fiscal commission, fer shure, modeled on a proposal by Republican Judd Gregg and Democrat Kent Conrad.

(Applause.) Like, ya know, this can’t be like wow! one of those Washin’ton gimmicks that lets us pretend we solved a problem.

The commission will have to provide a specific set of solutions by a certain deadline.

Now, fer shure, yesterday, oh, baby, the Senate blocked a bill that would have created this commission.

So I’ll issue an executive order that will allow us to go forward, like, wow, because I refuse to pass this problem on to another generation of Americans.

(Applause.) And when thuh vote comes tomorrow, man, the Senate should restore thuh pay-as-you-go law that was like, ya know, a bitchin’ reason for why we had record surpluses in thuh 1990s.

(Applause.) Now, oh, baby, I know that some in my own party will argue that we can’t address thuh deficit or freeze government spendin’ when so many are still hurtin’.

And I agree — which is why this freeze won’t take effect until next year — (laughter) — when thuh economy is like wow! stronger.

That’s how budgetin’ works.

(Laughter and applause.) Man, understand –- understand if we don’t take meanin’ful steps to rein in our debt, like, it could damage our markets, like, increase thuh cost of borrowin’, man, and jeopardize our recovery -– all of which would have an even worse effect on our job growth and family incomes.

From some on thuh right, oh, baby, I expect we’ll hear a different argument -– that if we just make fewer investments in our guys, like, extend tax cuts includin’ those for thuh wealthier Americans, man, eliminate more regulations, oh, baby, maintain thuh status quo on health care, mostly, our deficits will go away.

The problem is that’s what we did for eight years.

(Applause.) That’s what helped us into this crisis.

It’s what helped lead to these deficits.

Us guys can’t do it again.

Rather than fight thuh same tired battles that have dominated Washin’ton for decades, mostly, it’s time to try somethin’ new.

Let’s invest in our guys without leavin’ them a mountain of debt.

Let’s meet our responsibility to thuh citizens who sent us here.

Let’s try common sense.

(Laughter.) A novel concept.

To do that, like, we have to recognize that we face more than a deficit of dollars right now.

Us guys face a deficit of trust -– deep and corrosive doubts about how Washin’ton works that have been growin’ for years.

To close that credibility gap we have to take action on both ends of Pennsylvania Avenue — to end thuh outsized influence of lobbyists; to do our work openly; to give our guys thuh government they deserve.

(Applause.) That’s what I came to Washin’ton to do.

That’s why -– for thuh first time in history –- my administration posts on our White House visitors online.

That’s why we’ve excluded lobbyists from policymakin’ jobs, man, or seats on federal boards and commissions.

Man, we can’t stop there.

It’s time to require lobbyists to disclose each contact they make on behalf of a client with my administration or with Congress.

It’s time to put strict limits on thuh contributions that lobbyists give to candidates for federal office.

With all due deference to separation of powers, oh, baby, last week thuh Supreme Court reversed a century of law that I believe will open thuh floodgates for special interests –- includin’ foreign corporations –- to spend without limit in our elections.

(Applause.) I don’t think American elections should be bankrolled by America’s most powerful interests, man, or worse, oh, baby, by foreign entities.

(Applause.) They should be decided by thuh American guys.

And I’d urge Democrats and Republicans to pass a bill that helps to correct some of these problems.

I’m also callin’ on Congress to continue down thuh path of earmark reform.

Applause.) Democrats and Republicans.

(Applause.) Democrats and Republicans.

You’ve trimmed some of this spendin’, fer shure, you’ve embraced some meanin’ful change.

Man, restorin’ thuh public trust demands more.

For example, oh, baby, some members of Congress post some earmark requests online.

(Applause.) Tonight, like, wow, I’m callin’ on Congress to publish all earmark requests on a sin’le Web site before there’s a vote, man, so that thuh American guys can see how their money is ya know, like, bein’ spent.

(Applause.) Of course, man, none of these reforms will even happen if we don’t also reform how we work with one another.

Now, mostly, I’m not naïve.

I never thought that thuh mere fact of my election would usher in peace and harmony — (laughter) — and some post-partisan era.

I knew that both parties have fed divisions that are deeply entrenched.

And on some issues, like, there are simply philosophical differences that will always cause us to part ways.

These disagreements, like, about thuh role of government in our lives, fer shure, about our national priorities and our national security, like, they’ve been takin’ place for over 200 years.

They’re thuh very essence of our democracy.

Man, what frustrates thuh American guys is a Washin’ton where every day is Election Day.

Us guys can’t wage a perpetual campaign where thuh only goal is like, ya know, to see who can get thuh most embarrassin’ headlines about thuh other side -– a belief that if you lose, like, wow, I win.

Neither party should delay or obstruct every sin’le bill just because they can.

The confirmation of — (applause) — I’m speakin’ to both parties now.

The confirmation of well-qualified public servants shouldn’t be held hostage to thuh pet projects or grudges of a few individual senators.

(Applause.) Washin’ton may think that sayin’ anythin’ about thuh other side, man, no matter how false, mostly, no matter how malicious, fer shure, is just part of thuh game.

Man, it’s precisely such politics that has stopped either party from helpin’ thuh American guys.

Worse yet, like, it’s sowin’ further division among our citizens, oh, baby, further distrust in our government.

So, man, no, mostly, I will not give up on tryin’ to change thuh tone of our politics.

I know it’s an election year.

And after last week, like, it’s clear that campaign fever has come even earlier than usual.

Man, we still need to govern.

To Democrats, oh, baby, I would remind you that we still have thuh largest majority in decades, fer shure, and thuh people expect us to solve problems, man, not run for thuh hills.

(Applause.) And if thuh Republican leadership is goin’ to insist that 60 votes in thuh Senate are required to do any business at all in this town — a supermajority — then thuh responsibility to govern is ya know, like, now yours as well.

(Applause.) Just sayin’ no to everythin’ may be bitchin’ short-term politics, fer shure, but it’s not leadership.

Us guys were sent here to serve our citizens, like, not our ambitions.

(Applause.) So let’s show thuh American guys that we can do it together.

(Applause.) Like, ya know, this week, man, I’ll be addressin’ a party of thuh House Republicans.

I’d like to begin monthly partys with both Democratic and Republican leadership.

I know you can’t wait.

(Laughter.) Throughout our history, like, wow, no issue has united this country more than our security.

Sadly, like, some of thuh unity we felt after 9/11 has dissipated.

Us guys can argue all we want about who’s to blame for this, like, but I’m not interested in re-litigatin’ thuh past.

I know that all of us love this country.

All of us are committed to its defense.

So let’s put aside thuh schoolyard taunts about who’s tough.

Let’s reject thuh false choice between protectin’ our guys and upholdin’ our values.

Let’s blow behind thuh fear and division, mostly, and do what it takes to defend our nation and forge a more hopeful future — for America and for thuh world.

(Applause.) That’s thuh work we began last year.

Since thuh day I took office, man, we’ve renewed our focus on thuh terrorists who threaten our nation.

We’ve made substantial investments in our homeland security and disrupted plots that threatened to take American lives.

Us guys are fillin’ unacceptable gaps revealed by thuh failed Christmas attack, man, with better airline security and swifter action on our intelligence.

We’ve prohibited torture and strengthened partnerships from thuh Pacific to South Asia to thuh Arabian Peninsula.

And in thuh last year, oh, baby, hundreds of al Qaeda’s fighters and affiliates, oh, baby, includin’ many senior leaders, mostly, have been captured or killed — far more than in 2008.

And in Afghanistan, fer shure, we’re increasin’ our troops and trainin’ Afghan security forces so they can begin to take thuh lead in July of 2011, man, and our troops can begin to come home.

(Applause.) Us guys will reward bitchin’ governance, like, work to reduce corruption, like, wow, and support thuh rights of all Afghans — men and women alike.

(Applause.) We’re joined by allies and partners who have increased their own commitments, man, and who will come together tomorrow in London to reaffirm our common purpose.

Like, there will be like, ya know, difficult days ahead.

Man, I am absolutely confident we will succeed.

As we take thuh fight to al Qaeda, like, we are responsibly leavin’ Iraq to its guys.

As a candidate, man, I promised that I would end this war, mostly, and that is what I am doin’ as President.

Us guys will have all of our combat troops out of Iraq by thuh end of this August.

(Applause.) Us guys will support thuh Iraqi government — we will support thuh Iraqi government as they hold elections, mostly, and we will continue to partner with thuh Iraqi guys to promote regional peace and prosperity.

Man, make no mistake: Like, ya know, this war is endin’, man, and all of our troops are comin’ home.

(Applause.) Tonight, mostly, all of our men and women in uniform — in Iraq, fer shure, in Afghanistan, oh, baby, and around thuh world –- they have to know that we — that they have our respect, oh, baby, our gratitude, like, our full support.

And just as they must have thuh resources they need in war, like, we all have a responsibility to support them when they come home.

(Applause.) That’s why we made thuh largest increase in investments for veterans in decades — last year.

(Applause.) That’s why we’re buildin’ a 21st century VA.

And that’s why Michelle has joined with Jill Biden to forge a national commitment to support military families.

(Applause.) Now, like, wow, even as we prosecute two wars, man, we’re also confrontin’ perhaps thuh greatest danger to thuh American guys -– thuh threat of nuclear weapons.

I’ve embraced thuh vision of John F.

Kennedy and Ronald Reagan through a strategy that reverses thuh spread of these weapons and seeks a world without them.

To reduce our stockpiles and launchers, like, wow, while ensurin’ our deterrent, mostly, the United States and Russia are completin’ negotiations on thuh farthest-reachin’ arms control treaty in nearly two decades.

(Applause.) And at April’s Nuclear Security Summit, man, we will brin’ 44 nations together here in Washin’ton, oh, baby, D.C.

behind a clear goal: securin’ all vulnerable nuclear materials around thuh world in four years, like, wow, so that they never fall into thuh hands of terrorists.

(Applause.) Now, like, these diplomatic efforts have also strengthened our hand in dealin’ with those nations that insist on violatin’ international agreements in pursuit of nuclear weapons.

That’s why North Korea now faces increased isolation, mostly, and stronger sanctions –- sanctions that are bein’ vigorously enforced.

That’s why thuh international community is more united, fer shure, and thuh Islamic Republic of Iran is like wow! more isolated.

And as Iran’s leaders continue to ignore their obligations, mostly, there should be no doubt: They, fer shure, too, fer shure, will face growin’ consequences.

That is like wow! a promise.

(Applause.) That’s thuh leadership that we are providin’ –- engagement that advances thuh common security and prosperity of all guys.

We’re workin’ through thuh G20 to sustain a lastin’ global recovery.

We’re workin’ with Muslim communities around thuh world to promote science and education and innovation.

Us guys have gone from a bystander to a leader in thuh fight against climate change.

We’re helpin’ developin’ countries to feed themselves, fer shure, and continuin’ thuh fight against HIV/AIDS.

And we are launchin’ a new initiative that will give us thuh capacity to respond faster and more effectively to bioterrorism or an infectious disease -– a plan that will counter threats at home and strengthen public health abroad.

As we have for over 60 years, like, America takes these actions because our destiny is connected to those beyond our shores.

Man, we also do it because it is right.

That’s why, mostly, as we meet here tonight, oh, baby, over 10,000 Americans are workin’ with many nations to help thuh people of Haiti recover and rebuild.

(Applause.) That’s why we stand with thuh girl who yearns to go to school in Afghanistan; why we support thuh human rights of thuh women marchin’ through thuh streets of Iran; why we advocate for thuh young nerd denied a job by corruption in Guinea.

For America must always stand on thuh side of freedom and human dignity.

(Applause.) Always.

(Applause.) Abroad, like, wow, America’s awesumest source of strength has always been our ideals.

The same is true at home.

Us guys find unity in our incredible diversity, fer shure, drawin’ on thuh promise enshrined in our Constitution: thuh notion that we’re all created equal; that no matter who you are or what you look like, fer shure, if you abide by thuh law you should be protected by it; if you adhere to our common values you should be like wow! treated no different than anyone else.

Us guys must continually renew this promise.

My administration has a Civil Rights Division that is once again prosecutin’ civil rights violations and employment discrimination.

(Applause.) Us guys finally strengthened our laws to protect against crimes driven by hate.

(Applause.) Like, ya know, this year, like, wow, I will work with Congress and our military to finally repeal thuh law that denies gay Americans thuh right to serve thuh country they love because of who they are.

(Applause.) It’s thuh right thin’ to do.

(Applause.) We’re goin’ to crack down on violations of equal pay laws -– so that women get equal pay for an equal day’s work.

(Applause.) And we should continue thuh work of fixin’ our broken immigration system -– to secure our borders and enforce our laws, oh, baby, and ensure that everyone who plays by thuh rules can contribute to our economy and enrich our nation.

(Applause.) In thuh end, fer shure, it’s our ideals, man, our values that built America — values that allowed us to forge a nation made up of immigrants from every corner of thuh globe; values that drive our citizens still.

Every day, like, wow, Americans meet their responsibilities to their families and their employers.

Time and again, mostly, they lend a hand to their neighbors and give back to their country.

They take pride in their labor, mostly, and are generous in spirit.

These aren’t Republican values or Democratic values that they’re livin’ by; business values or labor values.

They’re American values.

Unfortunately, like, wow, too many of our citizens have lost faith that our bitchin’est institutions -– our corporations, man, our media, like, wow, and, like, yes, oh, baby, our government –- still reflect these same values.

Each of these institutions are full of honorable men and women doin’ important work that helps our country prosper.

Man, each time a CEO rewards himself for failure, mostly, or a banker puts thuh rest of us at risk for his own selfish gain, like, people’s doubts grow.

Each time lobbyists game thuh system or politicians tear each other down instead of liftin’ this country up, fer shure, we lose faith.

The more that TV pundits reduce serious debates to silly arguments, like, big issues into sound bites, mostly, our citizens turn away.

No wonder there’s so much cynicism out there.

No wonder there’s so much disappointment.

I campaigned on thuh promise of change –- change we can believe in, like, wow, the slogan went.

And right now, mostly, I know there are many Americans who aren’t sure if they still believe we can change –- or that I can deliver it.

Man, remember this –- I never suggested that change would be easy, mostly, or that I could do it alone.

Democracy in a nation of 300 million guys can be noisy and messy and complicated.

And when you try to do bitchin’ thin’s and make bitchin’ changes, oh, baby, it stirs passions and controversy.

That’s just how it is.

Those of us in public office can respond to this reality by playin’ it safe and avoid tellin’ hard truths and pointin’ fin’ers.

Us guys can do what’s necessary to keep our poll numbers high, like, wow, and get through thuh next election instead of doin’ what’s best for thuh next generation.

Man, I also know this: If guys had made that decision 50 years ago, like, or 100 years ago, man, or 200 years ago, oh, baby, we wouldn’t be here tonight.

The only reason we are here is because generations of Americans were unafraid to do what was ya know, like, hard; to do what was needed even when success was uncertain; to do what it took to keep thuh dream of this nation alive for their children and their grandchildren.

Our administration has had some political setbacks this year, oh, baby, and some of them were deserved.

Man, I wake up every day knowin’ that they are nothin’ compared to thuh setbacks that families all across this country have faced this year.

And what keeps me goin’ -– what keeps me fightin’ -– is that despite all these setbacks, man, that spirit of determination and optimism, man, that fundamental decency that has always been at thuh core of thuh American guys, like, wow, that lives on.

It lives on in thuh strugglin’ small business owner who wrote to me of his company, man, “None of us,” he said, like, wow, “…are willin’ to consider, mostly, even slightly, fer shure, that we might fail.” It lives on in thuh woman who said that even though she and that chick neighbors have felt thuh pain of recession, like, “Us guys are strong.

Us guys are resilient.

Us guys are American.” It lives on in thuh 8-year-old boy in Louisiana, like, wow, who just sent me his allowance and asked if I would give it to thuh people of Haiti.

And it lives on in all thuh Americans who’ve dropped everythin’ to go someplace they’ve never been and pull guys they’ve never known from thuh rubble, mostly, promptin’ chants of “U.S.A.! Gag me with a SPOOOOON! U.S.A.! Oh, wow! U.S.A! Oh, wow!” when another life was ya know, like, saved.

The spirit that has sustained this nation for more than two centuries lives on in you, mostly, its guys.

Us guys have finished a difficult year.

Us guys have come through a difficult decade.

Man, a new year has come.

A new decade stretches before us.

Us guys don’t quit.

I don’t quit.

(Applause.) Let’s seize this moment — to start anew, oh, baby, to carry thuh dream forward, oh, baby, and to strengthen our union once more.

(Applause.) Thank you.

God bless you.

And God bless thuh United States of America.


2010 in Pig Latin

Recently I came across this web page that translates English into Swedish Chef, Jive, Valley Girl and Pig Latin. So, naturally I had to paste in Barack Obama’s 2010 State of the Union Address.


Oh, and the original.

Anyway, without further ado, the 2010 State of the Union address in Pig Latin:

ETHay ESIDENTPRay: adamMay eakerSpay, iceVay esidentPray idenBay, embersmay ofway ongressCay, istinguishedday uestsgay, andway ellowfay Americansway: Ourway onstitutionCay eclaresday atthay omfray imetay otay imetay, ethay esidentPray allshay ivegay otay ongressCay informationway aboutway ethay atestay ofway ourway unionway.

orFay 220 yearsay, ourway eaderslay avehay ulfilledfay isthay utyday.

eyThay’evay oneday osay uringday eriodspay ofway osperitypray andway anquilitytray.

Andway eythay’evay oneday osay inway ethay idstmay ofway arway andway epressionday; atway omentsmay ofway eatgray ifestray andway eatgray ugglestray.

Itway’say emptingtay otay ooklay ackbay onway esethay omentsmay andway assumeway atthay ourway ogresspray asway inevitableway -– atthay Americaway asway alwaysway estinedday otay ucceedsay.

utBay enwhay ethay Unionway asway urnedtay ackbay atway ullBay unRay, andway ethay Alliesway irstfay andedlay atway Omahaway eachBay, ictoryvay asway eryvay uchmay inway oubtday.

enWhay ethay arketmay ashedcray onway ackBlay uesdayTay, andway ivilcay ightsray archersmay ereway eatenbay onway oodyBlay undaySay, ethay uturefay asway anythingway utbay ertaincay.

eseThay ereway ethay imestay atthay estedtay ethay ouragecay ofway ourway onvictionscay, andway ethay engthstray ofway ourway unionway.

Andway espiteday allway ourway ivisionsday andway isagreementsday, ourway esitationshay andway ourway earsfay, Americaway evailedpray ecausebay eway osechay otay ovemay orwardfay asway oneway ationnay, asway oneway eoplepay.

Againway, eway areway estedtay.

Andway againway, eway ustmay answerway istoryhay’say allcay.

Oneway yearay agoway, Iway ooktay officeway amidway otway arsway, anway economyway ockedray ybay away everesay ecessionray, away inancialfay ystemsay onway ethay ergevay ofway ollapsecay, andway away overnmentgay eeplyday inway ebtday.

Expertsway omfray acrossway ethay oliticalpay ectrumspay arnedway atthay ifway eway idday otnay actway, eway ightmay acefay away econdsay epressionday.

oSay eway actedway -– immediatelyway andway aggressivelyway.

Andway oneway yearay aterlay, ethay orstway ofway ethay ormstay ashay assedpay.

utBay ethay evastationday emainsray.

Oneway inway 10 Americansway illstay annotcay indfay orkway.

anyMay usinessesbay avehay utteredshay.

omeHay aluesvay avehay eclinedday.

allSmay ownstay andway uralray ommunitiescay avehay eenbay ithay especiallyway ardhay.

Andway orfay osethay owhay’day alreadyway ownknay overtypay, ifelay ashay ecomebay atthay uchmay arderhay.

isThay ecessionray ashay alsoway ompoundedcay ethay urdensbay atthay Americaway’say amiliesfay avehay eenbay ealingday ithway orfay ecadesday –- ethay urdenbay ofway orkingway arderhay andway ongerlay orfay esslay; ofway eingbay unableway otay avesay enoughway otay etireray orway elphay idskay ithway ollegecay.

oSay Iway owknay ethay anxietiesway atthay areway outway erethay ightray ownay.

eyThay’eray otnay ewnay.

eseThay ugglesstray areway ethay easonray Iway anray orfay esidentPray.

eseThay ugglesstray areway atwhay Iway’evay itnessedway orfay yearsay inway acesplay ikelay Elkhartway, Indianaway; alesburgGay, Illinoisway.

Iway earhay aboutway emthay inway ethay etterslay atthay Iway eadray eachway ightnay.

eThay oughesttay otay eadray areway osethay ittenwray ybay ildrenchay -– askingway ywhay eythay avehay otay ovemay omfray eirthay omehay, askingway enwhay eirthay ommay orway adday illway ebay ableway otay ogay ackbay otay orkway.

orFay esethay Americansway andway osay anymay othersway, angechay ashay otnay omecay astfay enoughway.

omeSay areway ustratedfray; omesay areway angryway.

eyThay onday’tay understandway ywhay itway eemssay ikelay adbay ehaviorbay onway allWay eetStray isway ewardedray, utbay ardhay orkway onway ainMay eetStray isnway’tay; orway ywhay ashingtonWay ashay eenbay unableway orway unwillingway otay olvesay anyway ofway ourway oblemspray.

eyThay’eray iredtay ofway ethay artisanshippay andway ethay outingshay andway ethay ettinesspay.

eyThay owknay eway ancay’tay affordway itway.

otNay ownay.

oSay eway acefay igbay andway ifficultday allengeschay.

Andway atwhay ethay Americanway eoplepay opehay -– atwhay eythay eserveday -– isway orfay allway ofway usway, emocratsDay andway epublicansRay, otay orkway oughthray ourway ifferencesday; otay overcomeway ethay umbingnay eightway ofway ourway oliticspay.

orFay ilewhay ethay eoplepay owhay entsay usway erehay avehay ifferentday ackgroundsbay, ifferentday oriesstay, ifferentday eliefsbay, ethay anxietiesway eythay acefay areway ethay amesay.

eThay aspirationsway eythay oldhay areway aredshay: away objay atthay ayspay ethay illsbay; away ancechay otay etgay aheadway; ostmay ofway allway, ethay abilityway otay ivegay eirthay ildrenchay away etterbay ifelay.

Youay owknay atwhay elseway eythay areshay? eyThay areshay away ubbornstay esilienceray inway ethay acefay ofway adversityway.

Afterway oneway ofway ethay ostmay ifficultday yearsay inway ourway istoryhay, eythay emainray usybay uildingbay arscay andway eachingtay idskay, artingstay usinessesbay andway oinggay ackbay otay oolschay.

eyThay’eray oachingcay ittleLay eagueLay andway elpinghay eirthay eighborsnay.

Oneway omanway otewray otay emay andway aidsay, “eWay areway ainedstray utbay opefulhay, ugglingstray utbay encouragedway.” Itway’say ecausebay ofway isthay iritspay -– isthay eatgray ecencyday andway eatgray engthstray -– atthay Iway avehay evernay eenbay oremay opefulhay aboutway Americaway’say uturefay anthay Iway amway onighttay.

(Applauseway.) espiteDay ourway ardshipshay, ourway unionway isway ongstray.

eWay oday otnay ivegay upway.

eWay oday otnay itquay.

eWay oday otnay allowway earfay orway ivisionday otay eakbray ourway iritspay.

Inway isthay ewnay ecadeday, itway’say imetay ethay Americanway eoplepay etgay away overnmentgay atthay atchesmay eirthay ecencyday; atthay embodiesway eirthay engthstray.

(Applauseway.) Andway onighttay, onighttay Iway’day ikelay otay alktay aboutway owhay ogethertay eway ancay eliverday onway atthay omisepray.

Itway eginsbay ithway ourway economyway.

Ourway ostmay urgentway asktay uponway akingtay officeway asway otay oreshay upway ethay amesay anksbay atthay elpedhay ausecay isthay isiscray.

Itway asway otnay easyway otay oday.

Andway ifway erethay’say oneway ingthay atthay ashay unifiedway emocratsDay andway epublicansRay, andway everybodyway inway etweenbay, itway’say atthay eway allway atedhay ethay ankbay ailoutbay.

Iway atedhay itway — (applauseway.) Iway atedhay itway.

Youay atedhay itway.

Itway asway aboutway asway opularpay asway away ootray analcay.

(aughterLay.) utBay enwhay Iway anray orfay esidentPray, Iway omisedpray Iway ouldnway’tay ustjay oday atwhay asway opularpay -– Iway ouldway oday atwhay asway ecessarynay.

Andway ifway eway adhay allowedway ethay eltdownmay ofway ethay inancialfay ystemsay, unemploymentway ightmay ebay oubleday atwhay itway isway odaytay.

oreMay usinessesbay ouldway ertainlycay avehay osedclay.

oreMay omeshay ouldway avehay urelysay eenbay ostlay.

oSay Iway upportedsay ethay astlay administrationway’say effortsway otay eatecray ethay inancialfay escueray ogrampray.

Andway enwhay eway ooktay atthay ogrampray overway, eway ademay itway oremay ansparenttray andway oremay accountableway.

Andway asway away esultray, ethay arketsmay areway ownay abilizedstay, andway eway’evay ecoveredray ostmay ofway ethay oneymay eway entspay onway ethay anksbay.

(Applauseway.) ostMay utbay otnay allway.

oTay ecoverray ethay estray, Iway’evay oposedpray away eefay onway ethay iggestbay anksbay.

(Applauseway.) owNay, Iway owknay allWay eetStray isnway’tay eenkay onway isthay ideaway.

utBay ifway esethay irmsfay ancay affordway otay andhay outway igbay onusesbay againway, eythay ancay affordway away odestmay eefay otay aypay ackbay ethay axpayerstay owhay escuedray emthay inway eirthay imetay ofway eednay.

(Applauseway.) owNay, asway eway abilizedstay ethay inancialfay ystemsay, eway alsoway ooktay epsstay otay etgay ourway economyway owinggray againway, avesay asway anymay obsjay asway ossiblepay, andway elphay Americansway owhay adhay ecomebay unemployedway.

atThay’say ywhay eway extendedway orway increasedway unemploymentway enefitsbay orfay oremay anthay 18 illionmay Americansway; ademay ealthhay insuranceway 65 ercentpay eaperchay orfay amiliesfay owhay etgay eirthay overagecay oughthray OBRACay; andway assedpay 25 ifferentday axtay utscay.

owNay, etlay emay epeatray: eWay utcay axestay.

eWay utcay axestay orfay 95 ercentpay ofway orkingway amiliesfay.

(Applauseway.) eWay utcay axestay orfay allsmay usinessesbay.

eWay utcay axestay orfay irstfay-imetay omebuyershay.

eWay utcay axestay orfay arentspay yingtray otay arecay orfay eirthay ildrenchay.

eWay utcay axestay orfay 8 illionmay Americansway ayingpay orfay ollegecay.

(Applauseway.) Iway oughtthay Iway’day etgay omesay applauseway onway atthay oneway.

(aughterLay andway applauseway.) Asway away esultray, illionsmay ofway Americansway adhay oremay otay endspay onway asgay andway oodfay andway otherway ecessitiesnay, allway ofway ichwhay elpedhay usinessesbay eepkay oremay orkersway.

Andway eway avenhay’tay aisedray incomeway axestay ybay away inglesay imeday onway away inglesay ersonpay.

otNay away inglesay imeday.

(Applauseway.) ecauseBay ofway ethay epsstay eway ooktay, erethay areway aboutway otway illionmay Americansway orkingway ightray ownay owhay ouldway otherwiseway ebay unemployedway.

(Applauseway.) oTway undredhay ousandthay orkway inway onstructioncay andway eanclay energyway; 300,000 areway eacherstay andway otherway educationway orkersway.

ensTay ofway ousandsthay areway opscay, irefightersfay, orrectionalcay officersway, irstfay espondersray.

(Applauseway.) Andway eway’eray onway acktray otay addway anotherway oneway andway away alfhay illionmay obsjay otay isthay otaltay ybay ethay endway ofway ethay yearay.

eThay anplay atthay ashay ademay allway ofway isthay ossiblepay, omfray ethay axtay utscay otay ethay obsjay, isway ethay ecoveryRay Actway.

(Applauseway.) atThay’say ightray -– ethay ecoveryRay Actway, alsoway ownknay asway ethay imulusstay illbay.

(Applauseway.) Economistsway onway ethay eftlay andway ethay ightray aysay isthay illbay ashay elpedhay avesay obsjay andway avertway isasterday.

utBay youay onday’tay avehay otay aketay eirthay ordway orfay itway.

alkTay otay ethay allsmay usinessbay inway oenixPhay atthay illway ipletray itsway orkforceway ecausebay ofway ethay ecoveryRay Actway.

alkTay otay ethay indowway anufacturermay inway iladelphiaPhay owhay aidsay ehay usedway otay ebay epticalskay aboutway ethay ecoveryRay Actway, untilway ehay adhay otay addway otway oremay orkway iftsshay ustjay ecausebay ofway ethay usinessbay itway eatedcray.

alkTay otay ethay inglesay eachertay aisingray otway idskay owhay asway oldtay ybay erhay incipalpray inway ethay astlay eekway ofway oolschay atthay ecausebay ofway ethay ecoveryRay Actway, eshay ouldnway’tay ebay aidlay offway afterway allway.

ereThay areway oriesstay ikelay isthay allway acrossway Americaway.

Andway afterway otway yearsay ofway ecessionray, ethay economyway isway owinggray againway.

etirementRay undsfay avehay artedstay otay aingay ackbay omesay ofway eirthay aluevay.

usinessesBay areway eginningbay otay investway againway, andway owlyslay omesay areway artingstay otay irehay againway.

utBay Iway ealizeray atthay orfay everyway uccesssay orystay, erethay areway otherway oriesstay, ofway enmay andway omenway owhay akeway upway ithway ethay anguishway ofway otnay owingknay erewhay eirthay extnay aycheckpay illway omecay omfray; owhay endsay outway esumesray eekway afterway eekway andway earhay othingnay inway esponseray.

atThay isway ywhay obsjay ustmay ebay ourway umbernay-oneway ocusfay inway 2010, andway atthay’say ywhay Iway’may allingcay orfay away ewnay obsjay illbay onighttay.

(Applauseway.) owNay, ethay uetray engineway ofway objay eationcray inway isthay ountrycay illway alwaysway ebay Americaway’say usinessesbay.

(Applauseway.) utBay overnmentgay ancay eatecray ethay onditionscay ecessarynay orfay usinessesbay otay expandway andway irehay oremay orkersway.

eWay ouldshay artstay erewhay ostmay ewnay obsjay oday –- inway allsmay usinessesbay, ompaniescay atthay eginbay enwhay — (applauseway) — ompaniescay atthay eginbay enwhay anway entrepreneurway — enwhay anway entrepreneurway akestay away ancechay onway away eamdray, orway away orkerway ecidesday itway’say imetay eshay ecamebay erhay ownway ossbay.

oughThray eershay itgray andway eterminationday, esethay ompaniescay avehay eatheredway ethay ecessionray andway eythay’eray eadyray otay owgray.

utBay enwhay youay alktay otay allsmay usinessownersbay inway acesplay ikelay Allentownway, ennsylvaniaPay, orway Elyriaway, Ohioway, youay indfay outway atthay evenway oughthay anksbay onway allWay eetStray areway endinglay againway, eythay’eray ostlymay endinglay otay iggerbay ompaniescay.

inancingFay emainsray ifficultday orfay allsmay usinessownersbay acrossway ethay ountrycay, evenway osethay atthay areway akingmay away ofitpray.

oSay onighttay, Iway’may oposingpray atthay eway aketay $30 illionbay ofway ethay oneymay allWay eetStray anksbay avehay epaidray andway useway itway otay elphay ommunitycay anksbay ivegay allsmay usinessesbay ethay editcray eythay eednay otay aystay afloatway.

(Applauseway.) Iway’may alsoway oposingpray away ewnay allsmay usinessbay axtay editcray -– oneway atthay illway ogay otay overway oneway illionmay allsmay usinessesbay owhay irehay ewnay orkersway orway aiseray agesway.

(Applauseway.) ileWhay eway’eray atway itway, etlay’say alsoway eliminateway allway apitalcay ainsgay axestay onway allsmay usinessbay investmentway, andway ovidepray away axtay incentiveway orfay allway argelay usinessesbay andway allway allsmay usinessesbay otay investway inway ewnay antsplay andway equipmentway.

(Applauseway.) extNay, eway ancay utpay Americansway otay orkway odaytay uildingbay ethay infrastructureway ofway omorrowtay.

(Applauseway.) omFray ethay irstfay ailroadsray otay ethay Interstateway ighwayHay ystemSay, ourway ationnay ashay alwaysway eenbay uiltbay otay ompetecay.

ereThay’say onay easonray Europeway orway inaChay ouldshay avehay ethay astestfay ainstray, orway ethay ewnay actoriesfay atthay anufacturemay eanclay energyway oductspray.

omorrowTay, Iway’llay isitvay ampaTay, oridaFlay, erewhay orkersway illway oonsay eakbray oundgray onway away ewnay ighhay-eedspay ailroadray undedfay ybay ethay ecoveryRay Actway.

(Applauseway.) ereThay areway ojectspray ikelay atthay allway acrossway isthay ountrycay atthay illway eatecray obsjay andway elphay ovemay ourway ationnay’say oodsgay, ervicessay, andway informationway.

(Applauseway.) eWay ouldshay utpay oremay Americansway otay orkway uildingbay eanclay energyway acilitiesfay — (applauseway) — andway ivegay ebatesray otay Americansway owhay akemay eirthay omeshay oremay energyway-efficientway, ichwhay upportssay eanclay energyway obsjay.

(Applauseway.) Andway otay encourageway esethay andway otherway usinessesbay otay aystay ithinway ourway ordersbay, itway isway imetay otay inallyfay ashslay ethay axtay eaksbray orfay ompaniescay atthay ipshay ourway obsjay overseasway, andway ivegay osethay axtay eaksbray otay ompaniescay atthay eatecray obsjay ightray erehay inway ethay Unitedway atesStay ofway Americaway.

(Applauseway.) owNay, ethay ouseHay ashay assedpay away obsjay illbay atthay includesway omesay ofway esethay epsstay.

(Applauseway.) Asway ethay irstfay orderway ofway usinessbay isthay yearay, Iway urgeway ethay enateSay otay oday ethay amesay, andway Iway owknay eythay illway.

(Applauseway.) eyThay illway.

(Applauseway.) eoplePay areway outway ofway orkway.

eyThay’eray urtinghay.

eyThay eednay ourway elphay.

Andway Iway antway away obsjay illbay onway ymay eskday ithoutway elayday.

(Applauseway.) utBay ethay uthtray isway, esethay epsstay onway’tay akemay upway orfay ethay evensay illionmay obsjay atthay eway’evay ostlay overway ethay astlay otway yearsay.

eThay onlyway ayway otay ovemay otay ullfay employmentway isway otay aylay away ewnay oundationfay orfay onglay-ermtay economicway owthgray, andway inallyfay addressway ethay oblemspray atthay Americaway’say amiliesfay avehay onfrontedcay orfay yearsay.

eWay ancay’tay affordway anotherway osay-alledcay economicway “expansionway” ikelay ethay oneway omfray ethay astlay ecadeday –- atwhay omesay allcay ethay “ostlay ecadeday” -– erewhay obsjay ewgray oremay owlyslay anthay uringday anyway iorpray expansionway; erewhay ethay incomeway ofway ethay averageway Americanway ouseholdhay eclinedday ilewhay ethay ostcay ofway ealthhay arecay andway uitiontay eachedray ecordray ighshay; erewhay osperitypray asway uiltbay onway away ousinghay ubblebay andway inancialfay eculationspay.

omFray ethay ayday Iway ooktay officeway, Iway’evay eenbay oldtay atthay addressingway ourway argerlay allengeschay isway ootay ambitiousway; uchsay anway effortway ouldway ebay ootay ontentiouscay.

Iway’evay eenbay oldtay atthay ourway oliticalpay ystemsay isway ootay idlockedgray, andway atthay eway ouldshay ustjay utpay ingsthay onway oldhay orfay away ilewhay.

orFay osethay owhay akemay esethay aimsclay, Iway avehay oneway implesay estionquay: owHay onglay ouldshay eway aitway? owHay onglay ouldshay Americaway utpay itsway uturefay onway oldhay? (Applauseway.) Youay eesay, ashingtonWay ashay eenbay ellingtay usway otay aitway orfay ecadesday, evenway asway ethay oblemspray avehay owngray orseway.

eanwhileMay, inaChay isway otnay aitingway otay evampray itsway economyway.

ermanyGay isway otnay aitingway.

Indiaway isway otnay aitingway.

eseThay ationsnay — eythay’eray otnay andingstay illstay.

eseThay ationsnay arenway’tay ayingplay orfay econdsay aceplay.

eyThay’eray uttingpay oremay emphasisway onway athmay andway iencescay.

eyThay’eray ebuildingray eirthay infrastructureway.

eyThay’eray akingmay erioussay investmentsway inway eanclay energyway ecausebay eythay antway osethay obsjay.

ellWay, Iway oday otnay acceptway econdsay aceplay orfay ethay Unitedway atesStay ofway Americaway.

(Applauseway.) Asway ardhay asway itway aymay ebay, asway uncomfortableway andway ontentiouscay asway ethay ebatesday aymay ecomebay, itway’say imetay otay etgay erioussay aboutway ixingfay ethay oblemspray atthay areway amperinghay ourway owthgray.

owNay, oneway aceplay otay artstay isway erioussay inancialfay eformray.

ookLay, Iway amway otnay interestedway inway unishingpay anksbay.

Iway’may interestedway inway otectingpray ourway economyway.

Away ongstray, ealthyhay inancialfay arketmay akesmay itway ossiblepay orfay usinessesbay otay accessway editcray andway eatecray ewnay obsjay.

Itway annelschay ethay avingssay ofway amiliesfay intoway investmentsway atthay aiseray incomesway.

utBay atthay ancay onlyway appenhay ifway eway uardgay againstway ethay amesay ecklessnessray atthay earlynay oughtbray ownday ourway entireway economyway.

eWay eednay otay akemay uresay onsumerscay andway iddlemay-assclay amiliesfay avehay ethay informationway eythay eednay otay akemay inancialfay ecisionsday.

(Applauseway.) eWay ancay’tay allowway inancialfay institutionsway, includingway osethay atthay aketay youray epositsday, otay aketay isksray atthay eatenthray ethay olewhay economyway.

owNay, ethay ouseHay ashay alreadyway assedpay inancialfay eformray ithway anymay ofway esethay angeschay.

(Applauseway.) Andway ethay obbyistslay areway yingtray otay illkay itway.

utBay eway annotcay etlay emthay inway isthay ightfay.

(Applauseway.) Andway ifway ethay illbay atthay endsway upway onway ymay eskday oesday otnay eetmay ethay esttay ofway ealray eformray, Iway illway endsay itway ackbay untilway eway etgay itway ightray.

eWay’evay otgay otay etgay itway ightray.

(Applauseway.) extNay, eway eednay otay encourageway Americanway innovationway.

astLay yearay, eway ademay ethay argestlay investmentway inway asicbay esearchray undingfay inway istoryhay -– (applauseway) — anway investmentway atthay ouldcay eadlay otay ethay orldway’say eapestchay olarsay ellscay orway eatmenttray atthay illskay ancercay ellscay utbay eaveslay ealthyhay onesway untouchedway.

Andway onay areaway isway oremay iperay orfay uchsay innovationway anthay energyway.

Youay ancay eesay ethay esultsray ofway astlay yearay’say investmentsway inway eanclay energyway -– inway ethay orthNay arolinaCay ompanycay atthay illway eatecray 1,200 obsjay ationwidenay elpinghay otay akemay advancedway atteriesbay; orway inway ethay aliforniaCay usinessbay atthay illway utpay away ousandthay eoplepay otay orkway akingmay olarsay anelspay.

utBay otay eatecray oremay ofway esethay eanclay energyway obsjay, eway eednay oremay oductionpray, oremay efficiencyway, oremay incentivesway.

Andway atthay eansmay uildingbay away ewnay enerationgay ofway afesay, eanclay uclearnay owerpay antsplay inway isthay ountrycay.

(Applauseway.) Itway eansmay akingmay oughtay ecisionsday aboutway openingway ewnay offshoreway areasway orfay oilway andway asgay evelopmentday.

(Applauseway.) Itway eansmay ontinuedcay investmentway inway advancedway iofuelsbay andway eanclay oalcay echnologiestay.

(Applauseway.) Andway, yesay, itway eansmay assingpay away omprehensivecay energyway andway imateclay illbay ithway incentivesway atthay illway inallyfay akemay eanclay energyway ethay ofitablepray indkay ofway energyway inway Americaway.

(Applauseway.) Iway amway atefulgray otay ethay ouseHay orfay assingpay uchsay away illbay astlay yearay.

(Applauseway.) Andway isthay yearay Iway’may eagerway otay elphay advanceway ethay ipartisanbay effortway inway ethay enateSay.

(Applauseway.) Iway owknay erethay avehay eenbay estionsquay aboutway etherwhay eway ancay affordway uchsay angeschay inway away oughtay economyway.

Iway owknay atthay erethay areway osethay owhay isagreeday ithway ethay overwhelmingway ientificscay evidenceway onway imateclay angechay.

utBay erehay’say ethay ingthay — evenway ifway youay oubtday ethay evidenceway, ovidingpray incentivesway orfay energyway-efficiencyway andway eanclay energyway areway ethay ightray ingthay otay oday orfay ourway uturefay -– ecausebay ethay ationnay atthay eadslay ethay eanclay energyway economyway illway ebay ethay ationnay atthay eadslay ethay obalglay economyway.

Andway Americaway ustmay ebay atthay ationnay.

(Applauseway.) irdThay, eway eednay otay exportway oremay ofway ourway oodsgay.

(Applauseway.) ecauseBay ethay oremay oductspray eway akemay andway ellsay otay otherway ountriescay, ethay oremay obsjay eway upportsay ightray erehay inway Americaway.

(Applauseway.) oSay onighttay, eway etsay away ewnay oalgay: eWay illway oubleday ourway exportsway overway ethay extnay ivefay yearsay, anway increaseway atthay illway upportsay otway illionmay obsjay inway Americaway.

(Applauseway.) oTay elphay eetmay isthay oalgay, eway’eray aunchinglay away ationalNay Exportway Initiativeway atthay illway elphay armersfay andway allsmay usinessesbay increaseway eirthay exportsway, andway eformray exportway ontrolscay onsistentcay ithway ationalnay ecuritysay.

(Applauseway.) eWay avehay otay eeksay ewnay arketsmay aggressivelyway, ustjay asway ourway ompetitorscay areway.

Ifway Americaway itssay onway ethay idelinessay ilewhay otherway ationsnay ignsay adetray ealsday, eway illway oselay ethay ancechay otay eatecray obsjay onway ourway oresshay.

(Applauseway.) utBay ealizingray osethay enefitsbay alsoway eansmay enforcingway osethay agreementsway osay ourway adingtray artnerspay ayplay ybay ethay ulesray.

(Applauseway.) Andway atthay’say ywhay eway’llay ontinuecay otay apeshay away ohaDay adetray agreementway atthay opensway obalglay arketsmay, andway ywhay eway illway engthenstray ourway adetray elationsray inway Asiaway andway ithway eykay artnerspay ikelay outhSay oreaKay andway anamaPay andway olombiaCay.

(Applauseway.) ourthFay, eway eednay otay investway inway ethay illsskay andway educationway ofway ourway eoplepay.

(Applauseway.) owNay, isthay yearay, eway’evay okenbray oughthray ethay alematestay etweenbay eftlay andway ightray ybay aunchinglay away ationalnay ompetitioncay otay improveway ourway oolsschay.

Andway ethay ideaway erehay isway implesay: Insteadway ofway ewardingray ailurefay, eway onlyway ewardray uccesssay.

Insteadway ofway undingfay ethay atusstay oquay, eway onlyway investway inway eformray — eformray atthay aisesray udentstay achievementway; inspiresway udentsstay otay excelway inway athmay andway iencescay; andway urnstay aroundway ailingfay oolsschay atthay ealstay ethay uturefay ofway ootay anymay youngay Americansway, omfray uralray ommunitiescay otay ethay innerway itycay.

Inway ethay 21stay enturycay, ethay estbay antiway-overtypay ogrampray aroundway isway away orldway-assclay educationway.

(Applauseway.) Andway inway isthay ountrycay, ethay uccesssay ofway ourway ildrenchay annotcay ependday oremay onway erewhay eythay ivelay anthay onway eirthay otentialpay.

enWhay eway enewray ethay Elementaryway andway econdarySay Educationway Actway, eway illway orkway ithway ongressCay otay expandway esethay eformsray otay allway 50 atesstay.

illStay, inway isthay economyway, away ighhay oolschay iplomaday onay ongerlay uaranteesgay away oodgay objay.

atThay’say ywhay Iway urgeway ethay enateSay otay ollowfay ethay ouseHay andway asspay away illbay atthay illway evitalizeray ourway ommunitycay ollegescay, ichwhay areway away areercay athwaypay otay ethay ildrenchay ofway osay anymay orkingway amiliesfay.

(Applauseway.) oTay akemay ollegecay oremay affordableway, isthay illbay illway inallyfay endway ethay unwarrantedway axpayertay ubsidiessay atthay ogay otay anksbay orfay udentstay oanslay.

(Applauseway.) Insteadway, etlay’say aketay atthay oneymay andway ivegay amiliesfay away $10,000 axtay editcray orfay ourfay yearsay ofway ollegecay andway increaseway ellPay antsGray.

(Applauseway.) Andway etlay’say elltay anotherway oneway illionmay udentsstay atthay enwhay eythay aduategray, eythay illway ebay equiredray otay aypay onlyway 10 ercentpay ofway eirthay incomeway onway udentstay oanslay, andway allway ofway eirthay ebtday illway ebay orgivenfay afterway 20 yearsay –- andway orgivenfay afterway 10 yearsay ifway eythay oosechay away areercay inway ublicpay ervicesay, ecausebay inway ethay Unitedway atesStay ofway Americaway, onay oneway ouldshay ogay okebray ecausebay eythay osechay otay ogay otay ollegecay.

(Applauseway.) Andway ybay ethay ayway, itway’say imetay orfay ollegescay andway universitiesway otay etgay erioussay aboutway uttingcay eirthay ownway ostscay -– (applauseway) — ecausebay eythay, ootay, avehay away esponsibilityray otay elphay olvesay isthay oblempray.

owNay, ethay icepray ofway ollegecay uitiontay isway ustjay oneway ofway ethay urdensbay acingfay ethay iddlemay assclay.

atThay’say ywhay astlay yearay Iway askedway iceVay esidentPray idenBay otay airchay away asktay orcefay onway iddlemay-assclay amiliesfay.

atThay’say ywhay eway’eray earlynay oublingday ethay ildchay arecay axtay editcray, andway akingmay itway easierway otay avesay orfay etirementray ybay ivinggay accessway otay everyway orkerway away etirementray accountway andway expandingway ethay axtay editcray orfay osethay owhay artstay away estnay eggway.

atThay’say ywhay eway’eray orkingway otay iftlay ethay aluevay ofway away amilyfay’say inglesay argestlay investmentway –- eirthay omehay.

eThay epsstay eway ooktay astlay yearay otay oreshay upway ethay ousinghay arketmay avehay allowedway illionsmay ofway Americansway otay aketay outway ewnay oanslay andway avesay anway averageway ofway $1,500 onway ortgagemay aymentspay.

isThay yearay, eway illway epstay upway efinancingray osay atthay omeownershay ancay ovemay intoway oremay affordableway ortgagesmay.

(Applauseway.) Andway itway isway eciselypray otay elieveray ethay urdenbay onway iddlemay-assclay amiliesfay atthay eway illstay eednay ealthhay insuranceway eformray.

(Applauseway.) Yesay, eway oday.

(Applauseway.) owNay, etlay’say earclay away ewfay ingsthay upway.

(aughterLay.) Iway idnday’tay oosechay otay ackletay isthay issueway otay etgay omesay egislativelay ictoryvay underway ymay eltbay.

Andway ybay ownay itway ouldshay ebay airlyfay obviousway atthay Iway idnday’tay aketay onway ealthhay arecay ecausebay itway asway oodgay oliticspay.

(aughterLay.) Iway ooktay onway ealthhay arecay ecausebay ofway ethay oriesstay Iway’evay eardhay omfray Americansway ithway eexistingpray onditionscay osewhay iveslay ependday onway ettinggay overagecay; atientspay owhay’evay eenbay eniedday overagecay; amiliesfay –- evenway osethay ithway insuranceway -– owhay areway ustjay oneway illnessway awayway omfray inancialfay uinray.

Afterway earlynay away enturycay ofway yingtray — emocraticDay administrationsway, epublicanRay administrationsway — eway areway oserclay anthay everway otay ingingbray oremay ecuritysay otay ethay iveslay ofway osay anymay Americansway.

eThay approachway eway’evay akentay ouldway otectpray everyway Americanway omfray ethay orstway acticespray ofway ethay insuranceway industryway.

Itway ouldway ivegay allsmay usinessesbay andway uninsuredway Americansway away ancechay otay oosechay anway affordableway ealthhay arecay anplay inway away ompetitivecay arketmay.

Itway ouldway equireray everyway insuranceway anplay otay overcay eventivepray arecay.

Andway ybay ethay ayway, Iway antway otay acknowledgeway ourway irstFay adyLay, ichelleMay Obamaway, owhay isthay yearay isway eatingcray away ationalnay ovementmay otay ackletay ethay epidemicway ofway ildhoodchay obesityway andway akemay idskay ealthierhay.

(Applauseway.) ankThay youay.

eShay etsgay embarrassedway.

(aughterLay.) Ourway approachway ouldway eservepray ethay ightray ofway Americansway owhay avehay insuranceway otay eepkay eirthay octorday andway eirthay anplay.

Itway ouldway educeray ostscay andway emiumspray orfay illionsmay ofway amiliesfay andway usinessesbay.

Andway accordingway otay ethay ongressionalCay udgetBay Officeway -– ethay independentway organizationway atthay othbay artiespay avehay itedcay asway ethay officialway orekeeperscay orfay ongressCay –- ourway approachway ouldway ingbray ownday ethay eficitday ybay asway uchmay asway $1 illiontray overway ethay extnay otway ecadesday.

(Applauseway.) illStay, isthay isway away omplexcay issueway, andway ethay ongerlay itway asway ebatedday, ethay oremay epticalskay eoplepay ecamebay.

Iway aketay ymay areshay ofway ethay ameblay orfay otnay explainingway itway oremay earlyclay otay ethay Americanway eoplepay.

Andway Iway owknay atthay ithway allway ethay obbyinglay andway orsehay-adingtray, ethay ocesspray eftlay ostmay Americansway onderingway, “atWhay’say inway itway orfay emay?” utBay Iway alsoway owknay isthay oblempray isway otnay oinggay awayway.

yBay ethay imetay Iway’may inishedfay eakingspay onighttay, oremay Americansway illway avehay ostlay eirthay ealthhay insuranceway.

illionsMay illway oselay itway isthay yearay.

Ourway eficitday illway owgray.

emiumsPray illway ogay upway.

atientsPay illway ebay eniedday ethay arecay eythay eednay.

allSmay usinessbay ownersway illway ontinuecay otay opdray overagecay altogetherway.

Iway illway otnay alkway awayway omfray esethay Americansway, andway eithernay ouldshay ethay eoplepay inway isthay amberchay.

(Applauseway.) oSay, asway emperaturestay oolcay, Iway antway everyoneway otay aketay anotherway ooklay atway ethay anplay eway’evay oposedpray.

ereThay’say away easonray ywhay anymay octorsday, ursesnay, andway ealthhay arecay expertsway owhay owknay ourway ystemsay estbay onsidercay isthay approachway away astvay improvementway overway ethay atusstay oquay.

utBay ifway anyoneway omfray eitherway artypay ashay away etterbay approachway atthay illway ingbray ownday emiumspray, ingbray ownday ethay eficitday, overcay ethay uninsuredway, engthenstray edicareMay orfay eniorssay, andway opstay insuranceway ompanycay abusesway, etlay emay owknay.

(Applauseway.) etLay emay owknay.

etLay emay owknay.

(Applauseway.) Iway’may eagerway otay eesay itway.

ereHay’say atwhay Iway askway ongressCay, oughthay: onDay’tay alkway awayway omfray eformray.

otNay ownay.

otNay enwhay eway areway osay oseclay.

etLay usway indfay away ayway otay omecay ogethertay andway inishfay ethay objay orfay ethay Americanway eoplepay.

(Applauseway.) etLay’say etgay itway oneday.

etLay’say etgay itway oneday.

(Applauseway.) owNay, evenway asway ealthhay arecay eformray ouldway educeray ourway eficitday, itway’say otnay enoughway otay igday usway outway ofway away assivemay iscalfay olehay inway ichwhay eway indfay ourselvesway.

Itway’say away allengechay atthay akesmay allway othersway atthay uchmay arderhay otay olvesay, andway oneway atthay’say eenbay ubjectsay otay away otlay ofway oliticalpay osturingpay.

oSay etlay emay artstay ethay iscussionday ofway overnmentgay endingspay ybay ettingsay ethay ecordray aightstray.

Atway ethay eginningbay ofway ethay astlay ecadeday, ethay yearay 2000, Americaway adhay away udgetbay urplussay ofway overway $200 illionbay.

(Applauseway.) yBay ethay imetay Iway ooktay officeway, eway adhay away oneway-yearay eficitday ofway overway $1 illiontray andway ojectedpray eficitsday ofway $8 illiontray overway ethay extnay ecadeday.

ostMay ofway isthay asway ethay esultray ofway otnay ayingpay orfay otway arsway, otway axtay utscay, andway anway expensiveway escriptionpray ugdray ogrampray.

Onway optay ofway atthay, ethay effectsway ofway ethay ecessionray utpay away $3 illiontray olehay inway ourway udgetbay.

Allway isthay asway eforebay Iway alkedway inway ethay oorday.

(aughterLay andway applauseway.) owNay — ustjay atingstay ethay actsfay.

owNay, ifway eway adhay akentay officeway inway ordinaryway imestay, Iway ouldway avehay ikedlay othingnay oremay anthay otay artstay ingingbray ownday ethay eficitday.

utBay eway ooktay officeway amidway away isiscray.

Andway ourway effortsway otay eventpray away econdsay epressionday avehay addedway anotherway $1 illiontray otay ourway ationalnay ebtday.

atThay, ootay, isway away actfay.

Iway’may absolutelyway onvincedcay atthay asway ethay ightray ingthay otay oday.

utBay amiliesfay acrossway ethay ountrycay areway ighteningtay eirthay eltsbay andway akingmay oughtay ecisionsday.

eThay ederalfay overnmentgay ouldshay oday ethay amesay.

(Applauseway.) oSay onighttay, Iway’may oposingpray ecificspay epsstay otay aypay orfay ethay illiontray ollarsday atthay itway ooktay otay escueray ethay economyway astlay yearay.

artingStay inway 2011, eway areway eparedpray otay eezefray overnmentgay endingspay orfay eethray yearsay.

(Applauseway.) endingSpay elatedray otay ourway ationalnay ecuritysay, edicareMay, edicaidMay, andway ocialSay ecuritySay illway otnay ebay affectedway.

utBay allway otherway iscretionaryday overnmentgay ogramspray illway.

ikeLay anyway ashcay-appedstray amilyfay, eway illway orkway ithinway away udgetbay otay investway inway atwhay eway eednay andway acrificesay atwhay eway onday’tay.

Andway ifway Iway avehay otay enforceway isthay isciplineday ybay etovay, Iway illway.

(Applauseway.) eWay illway ontinuecay otay ogay oughthray ethay udgetbay, inelay ybay inelay, agepay ybay agepay, otay eliminateway ogramspray atthay eway ancay’tay affordway andway onday’tay orkway.

eWay’evay alreadyway identifiedway $20 illionbay inway avingssay orfay extnay yearay.

oTay elphay orkingway amiliesfay, eway’llay extendway ourway iddlemay-assclay axtay utscay.

utBay atway away imetay ofway ecordray eficitsday, eway illway otnay ontinuecay axtay utscay orfay oilway ompaniescay, orfay investmentway undfay anagersmay, andway orfay osethay akingmay overway $250,000 away yearay.

eWay ustjay ancay’tay affordway itway.

(Applauseway.) owNay, evenway afterway ayingpay orfay atwhay eway entspay onway ymay atchway, eway’llay illstay acefay ethay assivemay eficitday eway adhay enwhay Iway ooktay officeway.

oreMay importantlyway, ethay ostcay ofway edicareMay, edicaidMay, andway ocialSay ecuritySay illway ontinuecay otay yrocketskay.

atThay’say ywhay Iway’evay alledcay orfay away ipartisanbay iscalfay ommissioncay, odeledmay onway away oposalpray ybay epublicanRay uddJay eggGray andway emocratDay entKay onradCay.

(Applauseway.) isThay ancay’tay ebay oneway ofway osethay ashingtonWay immicksgay atthay etslay usway etendpray eway olvedsay away oblempray.

eThay ommissioncay illway avehay otay ovidepray away ecificspay etsay ofway olutionssay ybay away ertaincay eadlineday.

owNay, yesterdayay, ethay enateSay ockedblay away illbay atthay ouldway avehay eatedcray isthay ommissioncay.

oSay Iway’llay issueway anway executiveway orderway atthay illway allowway usway otay ogay orwardfay, ecausebay Iway efuseray otay asspay isthay oblempray onway otay anotherway enerationgay ofway Americansway.

(Applauseway.) Andway enwhay ethay otevay omescay omorrowtay, ethay enateSay ouldshay estoreray ethay aypay-asway-youay-ogay awlay atthay asway away igbay easonray orfay ywhay eway adhay ecordray urplusessay inway ethay 1990say.

(Applauseway.) owNay, Iway owknay atthay omesay inway ymay ownway artypay illway argueway atthay eway ancay’tay addressway ethay eficitday orway eezefray overnmentgay endingspay enwhay osay anymay areway illstay urtinghay.

Andway Iway agreeway — ichwhay isway ywhay isthay eezefray onway’tay aketay effectway untilway extnay yearay — (aughterlay) — enwhay ethay economyway isway ongerstray.

atThay’say owhay udgetingbay orksway.

(aughterLay andway applauseway.) utBay understandway –- understandway ifway eway onday’tay aketay eaningfulmay epsstay otay einray inway ourway ebtday, itway ouldcay amageday ourway arketsmay, increaseway ethay ostcay ofway orrowingbay, andway eopardizejay ourway ecoveryray -– allway ofway ichwhay ouldway avehay anway evenway orseway effectway onway ourway objay owthgray andway amilyfay incomesway.

omFray omesay onway ethay ightray, Iway expectway eway’llay earhay away ifferentday argumentway -– atthay ifway eway ustjay akemay ewerfay investmentsway inway ourway eoplepay, extendway axtay utscay includingway osethay orfay ethay ealthierway Americansway, eliminateway oremay egulationsray, aintainmay ethay atusstay oquay onway ealthhay arecay, ourway eficitsday illway ogay awayway.

eThay oblempray isway atthay’say atwhay eway idday orfay eightway yearsay.

(Applauseway.) atThay’say atwhay elpedhay usway intoway isthay isiscray.

Itway’say atwhay elpedhay eadlay otay esethay eficitsday.

eWay ancay’tay oday itway againway.

atherRay anthay ightfay ethay amesay iredtay attlesbay atthay avehay ominatedday ashingtonWay orfay ecadesday, itway’say imetay otay ytray omethingsay ewnay.

etLay’say investway inway ourway eoplepay ithoutway eavinglay emthay away ountainmay ofway ebtday.

etLay’say eetmay ourway esponsibilityray otay ethay itizenscay owhay entsay usway erehay.

etLay’say ytray ommoncay ensesay.

(aughterLay.) Away ovelnay onceptcay.

oTay oday atthay, eway avehay otay ecognizeray atthay eway acefay oremay anthay away eficitday ofway ollarsday ightray ownay.

eWay acefay away eficitday ofway usttray -– eepday andway orrosivecay oubtsday aboutway owhay ashingtonWay orksway atthay avehay eenbay owinggray orfay yearsay.

oTay oseclay atthay edibilitycray apgay eway avehay otay aketay actionway onway othbay endsway ofway ennsylvaniaPay Avenueway — otay endway ethay outsizedway influenceway ofway obbyistslay; otay oday ourway orkway openlyway; otay ivegay ourway eoplepay ethay overnmentgay eythay eserveday.

(Applauseway.) atThay’say atwhay Iway amecay otay ashingtonWay otay oday.

atThay’say ywhay -– orfay ethay irstfay imetay inway istoryhay –- ymay administrationway ostspay onway ourway iteWhay ouseHay isitorsvay onlineway.

atThay’say ywhay eway’evay excludedway obbyistslay omfray olicymakingpay obsjay, orway eatssay onway ederalfay oardsbay andway ommissionscay.

utBay eway ancay’tay opstay erethay.

Itway’say imetay otay equireray obbyistslay otay iscloseday eachway ontactcay eythay akemay onway ehalfbay ofway away ientclay ithway ymay administrationway orway ithway ongressCay.

Itway’say imetay otay utpay ictstray imitslay onway ethay ontributionscay atthay obbyistslay ivegay otay andidatescay orfay ederalfay officeway.

ithWay allway ueday eferenceday otay eparationsay ofway owerspay, astlay eekway ethay upremeSay ourtCay eversedray away enturycay ofway awlay atthay Iway elievebay illway openway ethay oodgatesflay orfay ecialspay interestsway –- includingway oreignfay orporationscay –- otay endspay ithoutway imitlay inway ourway electionsway.

(Applauseway.) Iway onday’tay inkthay Americanway electionsway ouldshay ebay ankrolledbay ybay Americaway’say ostmay owerfulpay interestsway, orway orseway, ybay oreignfay entitiesway.

(Applauseway.) eyThay ouldshay ebay ecidedday ybay ethay Americanway eoplepay.

Andway Iway’day urgeway emocratsDay andway epublicansRay otay asspay away illbay atthay elpshay otay orrectcay omesay ofway esethay oblemspray.

Iway’may alsoway allingcay onway ongressCay otay ontinuecay ownday ethay athpay ofway earmarkway eformray.

Applauseway.) emocratsDay andway epublicansRay.

(Applauseway.) emocratsDay andway epublicansRay.

Youay’evay immedtray omesay ofway isthay endingspay, youay’evay embracedway omesay eaningfulmay angechay.

utBay estoringray ethay ublicpay usttray emandsday oremay.

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(Applauseway.) onightTay, Iway’may allingcay onway ongressCay otay ublishpay allway earmarkway equestsray onway away inglesay ebWay itesay eforebay erethay’say away otevay, osay atthay ethay Americanway eoplepay ancay eesay owhay eirthay oneymay isway eingbay entspay.

(Applauseway.) Ofway oursecay, onenay ofway esethay eformsray illway evenway appenhay ifway eway onday’tay alsoway eformray owhay eway orkway ithway oneway anotherway.

owNay, Iway’may otnay anayïevay.

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Andway onway omesay issuesway, erethay areway implysay ilosophicalphay ifferencesday atthay illway alwaysway ausecay usway otay artpay aysway.

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eyThay’eray ethay eryvay essenceway ofway ourway emocracyday.

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eitherNay artypay ouldshay elayday orway obstructway everyway inglesay illbay ustjay ecausebay eythay ancay.

eThay onfirmationcay ofway — (applauseway) — Iway’may eakingspay otay othbay artiespay ownay.

eThay onfirmationcay ofway ellway-alifiedquay ublicpay ervantssay ouldnshay’tay ebay eldhay ostagehay otay ethay etpay ojectspray orway udgesgray ofway away ewfay individualway enatorssay.

(Applauseway.) ashingtonWay aymay inkthay atthay ayingsay anythingway aboutway ethay otherway idesay, onay attermay owhay alsefay, onay attermay owhay aliciousmay, isway ustjay artpay ofway ethay amegay.

utBay itway’say eciselypray uchsay oliticspay atthay ashay oppedstay eitherway artypay omfray elpinghay ethay Americanway eoplepay.

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utBay eway illstay eednay otay overngay.

oTay emocratsDay, Iway ouldway emindray youay atthay eway illstay avehay ethay argestlay ajoritymay inway ecadesday, andway ethay eoplepay expectway usway otay olvesay oblemspray, otnay unray orfay ethay illshay.

(Applauseway.) Andway ifway ethay epublicanRay eadershiplay isway oinggay otay insistway atthay 60 otesvay inway ethay enateSay areway equiredray otay oday anyway usinessbay atway allway inway isthay owntay — away upermajoritysay — enthay ethay esponsibilityray otay overngay isway ownay yoursay asway ellway.

(Applauseway.) ustJay ayingsay onay otay everythingway aymay ebay oodgay ortshay-ermtay oliticspay, utbay itway’say otnay eadershiplay.

eWay ereway entsay erehay otay ervesay ourway itizenscay, otnay ourway ambitionsway.

(Applauseway.) oSay etlay’say owshay ethay Americanway eoplepay atthay eway ancay oday itway ogethertay.

(Applauseway.) isThay eekway, Iway’llay ebay addressingway away eetingmay ofway ethay ouseHay epublicansRay.

Iway’day ikelay otay eginbay onthlymay eetingsmay ithway othbay emocraticDay andway epublicanRay eadershiplay.

Iway owknay youay ancay’tay aitway.

(aughterLay.) oughoutThray ourway istoryhay, onay issueway ashay unitedway isthay ountrycay oremay anthay ourway ecuritysay.

adlySay, omesay ofway ethay unityway eway eltfay afterway 9/11 ashay issipatedday.

eWay ancay argueway allway eway antway aboutway owhay’say otay ameblay orfay isthay, utbay Iway’may otnay interestedway inway eray-itigatinglay ethay astpay.

Iway owknay atthay allway ofway usway ovelay isthay ountrycay.

Allway ofway usway areway ommittedcay otay itsway efenseday.

oSay etlay’say utpay asideway ethay oolyardschay auntstay aboutway owhay’say oughtay.

etLay’say ejectray ethay alsefay oicechay etweenbay otectingpray ourway eoplepay andway upholdingway ourway aluesvay.

etLay’say eavelay ehindbay ethay earfay andway ivisionday, andway oday atwhay itway akestay otay efendday ourway ationnay andway orgefay away oremay opefulhay uturefay — orfay Americaway andway orfay ethay orldway.

(Applauseway.) atThay’say ethay orkway eway eganbay astlay yearay.

inceSay ethay ayday Iway ooktay officeway, eway’evay enewedray ourway ocusfay onway ethay erroriststay owhay eatenthray ourway ationnay.

eWay’evay ademay ubstantialsay investmentsway inway ourway omelandhay ecuritysay andway isruptedday otsplay atthay eatenedthray otay aketay Americanway iveslay.

eWay areway illingfay unacceptableway apsgay evealedray ybay ethay ailedfay istmasChray attackway, ithway etterbay airlineway ecuritysay andway iftersway actionway onway ourway intelligenceway.

eWay’evay ohibitedpray orturetay andway engthenedstray artnershipspay omfray ethay acificPay otay outhSay Asiaway otay ethay Arabianway eninsulaPay.

Andway inway ethay astlay yearay, undredshay ofway alway aedaQay’say ightersfay andway affiliatesway, includingway anymay eniorsay eaderslay, avehay eenbay apturedcay orway illedkay — arfay oremay anthay inway 2008.

Andway inway Afghanistanway, eway’eray increasingway ourway oopstray andway ainingtray Afghanway ecuritysay orcesfay osay eythay ancay eginbay otay aketay ethay eadlay inway ulyJay ofway 2011, andway ourway oopstray ancay eginbay otay omecay omehay.

(Applauseway.) eWay illway ewardray oodgay overnancegay, orkway otay educeray orruptioncay, andway upportsay ethay ightsray ofway allway Afghansway — enmay andway omenway alikeway.

(Applauseway.) eWay’eray oinedjay ybay alliesway andway artnerspay owhay avehay increasedway eirthay ownway ommitmentscay, andway owhay illway omecay ogethertay omorrowtay inway ondonLay otay eaffirmray ourway ommoncay urposepay.

ereThay illway ebay ifficultday aysday aheadway.

utBay Iway amway absolutelyway onfidentcay eway illway ucceedsay.

Asway eway aketay ethay ightfay otay alway aedaQay, eway areway esponsiblyray eavinglay Iraqway otay itsway eoplepay.

Asway away andidatecay, Iway omisedpray atthay Iway ouldway endway isthay arway, andway atthay isway atwhay Iway amway oingday asway esidentPray.

eWay illway avehay allway ofway ourway ombatcay oopstray outway ofway Iraqway ybay ethay endway ofway isthay Augustway.

(Applauseway.) eWay illway upportsay ethay Iraqiway overnmentgay — eway illway upportsay ethay Iraqiway overnmentgay asway eythay oldhay electionsway, andway eway illway ontinuecay otay artnerpay ithway ethay Iraqiway eoplepay otay omotepray egionalray eacepay andway osperitypray.

utBay akemay onay istakemay: isThay arway isway endingway, andway allway ofway ourway oopstray areway omingcay omehay.

(Applauseway.) onightTay, allway ofway ourway enmay andway omenway inway uniformway — inway Iraqway, inway Afghanistanway, andway aroundway ethay orldway –- eythay avehay otay owknay atthay eway — atthay eythay avehay ourway espectray, ourway atitudegray, ourway ullfay upportsay.

Andway ustjay asway eythay ustmay avehay ethay esourcesray eythay eednay inway arway, eway allway avehay away esponsibilityray otay upportsay emthay enwhay eythay omecay omehay.

(Applauseway.) atThay’say ywhay eway ademay ethay argestlay increaseway inway investmentsway orfay eteransvay inway ecadesday — astlay yearay.

(Applauseway.) atThay’say ywhay eway’eray uildingbay away 21stay enturycay AVay.

Andway atthay’say ywhay ichelleMay ashay oinedjay ithway illJay idenBay otay orgefay away ationalnay ommitmentcay otay upportsay ilitarymay amiliesfay.

(Applauseway.) owNay, evenway asway eway osecutepray otway arsway, eway’eray alsoway onfrontingcay erhapspay ethay eatestgray angerday otay ethay Americanway eoplepay -– ethay eatthray ofway uclearnay eaponsway.

Iway’evay embracedway ethay isionvay ofway ohnJay Fay.

ennedyKay andway onaldRay eaganRay oughthray away ategystray atthay eversesray ethay eadspray ofway esethay eaponsway andway eekssay away orldway ithoutway emthay.

oTay educeray ourway ockpilesstay andway auncherslay, ilewhay ensuringway ourway eterrentday, ethay Unitedway atesStay andway ussiaRay areway ompletingcay egotiationsnay onway ethay arthestfay-eachingray armsway ontrolcay eatytray inway earlynay otway ecadesday.

(Applauseway.) Andway atway Aprilway’say uclearNay ecuritySay ummitSay, eway illway ingbray 44 ationsnay ogethertay erehay inway ashingtonWay, Day.Cay.

ehindbay away earclay oalgay: ecuringsay allway ulnerablevay uclearnay aterialsmay aroundway ethay orldway inway ourfay yearsay, osay atthay eythay evernay allfay intoway ethay andshay ofway erroriststay.

(Applauseway.) owNay, esethay iplomaticday effortsway avehay alsoway engthenedstray ourway andhay inway ealingday ithway osethay ationsnay atthay insistway onway iolatingvay internationalway agreementsway inway ursuitpay ofway uclearnay eaponsway.

atThay’say ywhay orthNay oreaKay ownay acesfay increasedway isolationway, andway ongerstray anctionssay –- anctionssay atthay areway eingbay igorouslyvay enforcedway.

atThay’say ywhay ethay internationalway ommunitycay isway oremay unitedway, andway ethay Islamicway epublicRay ofway Iranway isway oremay isolatedway.

Andway asway Iranway’say eaderslay ontinuecay otay ignoreway eirthay obligationsway, erethay ouldshay ebay onay oubtday: eyThay, ootay, illway acefay owinggray onsequencescay.

atThay isway away omisepray.

(Applauseway.) atThay’say ethay eadershiplay atthay eway areway ovidingpray –- engagementway atthay advancesway ethay ommoncay ecuritysay andway osperitypray ofway allway eoplepay.

eWay’eray orkingway oughthray ethay Gay20 otay ustainsay away astinglay obalglay ecoveryray.

eWay’eray orkingway ithway uslimMay ommunitiescay aroundway ethay orldway otay omotepray iencescay andway educationway andway innovationway.

eWay avehay onegay omfray away ystanderbay otay away eaderlay inway ethay ightfay againstway imateclay angechay.

eWay’eray elpinghay evelopingday ountriescay otay eedfay emselvesthay, andway ontinuingcay ethay ightfay againstway IVHay/AIDSway.

Andway eway areway aunchinglay away ewnay initiativeway atthay illway ivegay usway ethay apacitycay otay espondray asterfay andway oremay effectivelyway otay ioterrorismbay orway anway infectiousway iseaseday -– away anplay atthay illway ountercay eatsthray atway omehay andway engthenstray ublicpay ealthhay abroadway.

Asway eway avehay orfay overway 60 yearsay, Americaway akestay esethay actionsway ecausebay ourway estinyday isway onnectedcay otay osethay eyondbay ourway oresshay.

utBay eway alsoway oday itway ecausebay itway isway ightray.

atThay’say ywhay, asway eway eetmay erehay onighttay, overway 10,000 Americansway areway orkingway ithway anymay ationsnay otay elphay ethay eoplepay ofway aitiHay ecoverray andway ebuildray.

(Applauseway.) atThay’say ywhay eway andstay ithway ethay irlgay owhay yearnsay otay ogay otay oolschay inway Afghanistanway; ywhay eway upportsay ethay umanhay ightsray ofway ethay omenway archingmay oughthray ethay eetsstray ofway Iranway; ywhay eway advocateway orfay ethay youngay anmay eniedday away objay ybay orruptioncay inway uineaGay.

orFay Americaway ustmay alwaysway andstay onway ethay idesay ofway eedomfray andway umanhay ignityday.

(Applauseway.) Alwaysway.

(Applauseway.) Abroadway, Americaway’say eatestgray ourcesay ofway engthstray ashay alwaysway eenbay ourway idealsway.

eThay amesay isway uetray atway omehay.

eWay indfay unityway inway ourway incredibleway iversityday, awingdray onway ethay omisepray enshrinedway inway ourway onstitutionCay: ethay otionnay atthay eway’eray allway eatedcray equalway; atthay onay attermay owhay youay areway orway atwhay youay ooklay ikelay, ifway youay abideway ybay ethay awlay youay ouldshay ebay otectedpray ybay itway; ifway youay adhereway otay ourway ommoncay aluesvay youay ouldshay ebay eatedtray onay ifferentday anthay anyoneway elseway.

eWay ustmay ontinuallycay enewray isthay omisepray.

yMay administrationway ashay away ivilCay ightsRay ivisionDay atthay isway onceway againway osecutingpray ivilcay ightsray iolationsvay andway employmentway iscriminationday.

(Applauseway.) eWay inallyfay engthenedstray ourway awslay otay otectpray againstway imescray ivendray ybay atehay.

(Applauseway.) isThay yearay, Iway illway orkway ithway ongressCay andway ourway ilitarymay otay inallyfay epealray ethay awlay atthay eniesday aygay Americansway ethay ightray otay ervesay ethay ountrycay eythay ovelay ecausebay ofway owhay eythay areway.

(Applauseway.) Itway’say ethay ightray ingthay otay oday.

(Applauseway.) eWay’eray oinggay otay ackcray ownday onway iolationsvay ofway equalway aypay awslay -– osay atthay omenway etgay equalway aypay orfay anway equalway ayday’say orkway.

(Applauseway.) Andway eway ouldshay ontinuecay ethay orkway ofway ixingfay ourway okenbray immigrationway ystemsay -– otay ecuresay ourway ordersbay andway enforceway ourway awslay, andway ensureway atthay everyoneway owhay aysplay ybay ethay ulesray ancay ontributecay otay ourway economyway andway enrichway ourway ationnay.

(Applauseway.) Inway ethay endway, itway’say ourway idealsway, ourway aluesvay atthay uiltbay Americaway — aluesvay atthay allowedway usway otay orgefay away ationnay ademay upway ofway immigrantsway omfray everyway ornercay ofway ethay obeglay; aluesvay atthay ivedray ourway itizenscay illstay.

Everyway ayday, Americansway eetmay eirthay esponsibilitiesray otay eirthay amiliesfay andway eirthay employersway.

imeTay andway againway, eythay endlay away andhay otay eirthay eighborsnay andway ivegay ackbay otay eirthay ountrycay.

eyThay aketay idepray inway eirthay aborlay, andway areway enerousgay inway iritspay.

eseThay arenway’tay epublicanRay aluesvay orway emocraticDay aluesvay atthay eythay’eray ivinglay ybay; usinessbay aluesvay orway aborlay aluesvay.

eyThay’eray Americanway aluesvay.

Unfortunatelyway, ootay anymay ofway ourway itizenscay avehay ostlay aithfay atthay ourway iggestbay institutionsway -– ourway orporationscay, ourway ediamay, andway, yesay, ourway overnmentgay –- illstay eflectray esethay amesay aluesvay.

Eachway ofway esethay institutionsway areway ullfay ofway onorablehay enmay andway omenway oingday importantway orkway atthay elpshay ourway ountrycay osperpray.

utBay eachway imetay away EOCay ewardsray imselfhay orfay ailurefay, orway away ankerbay utspay ethay estray ofway usway atway iskray orfay ishay ownway elfishsay aingay, eoplepay’say oubtsday owgray.

Eachway imetay obbyistslay amegay ethay ystemsay orway oliticianspay eartay eachway otherway ownday insteadway ofway iftinglay isthay ountrycay upway, eway oselay aithfay.

eThay oremay atthay TVay unditspay educeray erioussay ebatesday otay illysay argumentsway, igbay issuesway intoway oundsay itesbay, ourway itizenscay urntay awayway.

oNay onderway erethay’say osay uchmay ynicismcay outway erethay.

oNay onderway erethay’say osay uchmay isappointmentday.

Iway ampaignedcay onway ethay omisepray ofway angechay –- angechay eway ancay elievebay inway, ethay oganslay entway.

Andway ightray ownay, Iway owknay erethay areway anymay Americansway owhay arenway’tay uresay ifway eythay illstay elievebay eway ancay angechay –- orway atthay Iway ancay eliverday itway.

utBay ememberray isthay –- Iway evernay uggestedsay atthay angechay ouldway ebay easyway, orway atthay Iway ouldcay oday itway aloneway.

emocracyDay inway away ationnay ofway 300 illionmay eoplepay ancay ebay oisynay andway essymay andway omplicatedcay.

Andway enwhay youay ytray otay oday igbay ingsthay andway akemay igbay angeschay, itway irsstay assionspay andway ontroversycay.

atThay’say ustjay owhay itway isway.

oseThay ofway usway inway ublicpay officeway ancay espondray otay isthay ealityray ybay ayingplay itway afesay andway avoidway ellingtay ardhay uthstray andway ointingpay ingersfay.

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eThay onlyway easonray eway areway erehay isway ecausebay enerationsgay ofway Americansway ereway unafraidway otay oday atwhay asway ardhay; otay oday atwhay asway eedednay evenway enwhay uccesssay asway uncertainway; otay oday atwhay itway ooktay otay eepkay ethay eamdray ofway isthay ationnay aliveway orfay eirthay ildrenchay andway eirthay andchildrengray.

Ourway administrationway ashay adhay omesay oliticalpay etbackssay isthay yearay, andway omesay ofway emthay ereway eservedday.

utBay Iway akeway upway everyway ayday owingknay atthay eythay areway othingnay omparedcay otay ethay etbackssay atthay amiliesfay allway acrossway isthay ountrycay avehay acedfay isthay yearay.

Andway atwhay eepskay emay oinggay -– atwhay eepskay emay ightingfay -– isway atthay espiteday allway esethay etbackssay, atthay iritspay ofway eterminationday andway optimismway, atthay undamentalfay ecencyday atthay ashay alwaysway eenbay atway ethay orecay ofway ethay Americanway eoplepay, atthay iveslay onway.

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eWay areway esilientray.

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Andway itway iveslay onway inway allway ethay Americansway owhay’evay oppeddray everythingway otay ogay omeplacesay eythay’evay evernay eenbay andway ullpay eoplepay eythay’evay evernay ownknay omfray ethay ubbleray, omptingpray antschay ofway “Uway.Say.Away.! Uway.Say.Away.! Uway.Say.Away!” enwhay anotherway ifelay asway avedsay.

eThay iritspay atthay ashay ustainedsay isthay ationnay orfay oremay anthay otway enturiescay iveslay onway inway youay, itsway eoplepay.

eWay avehay inishedfay away ifficultday yearay.

eWay avehay omecay oughthray away ifficultday ecadeday.

utBay away ewnay yearay ashay omecay.

Away ewnay ecadeday etchesstray eforebay usway.

eWay onday’tay itquay.

Iway onday’tay itquay.

(Applauseway.) etLay’say eizesay isthay omentmay — otay artstay anewway, otay arrycay ethay eamdray orwardfay, andway otay engthenstray ourway unionway onceway oremay.

(Applauseway.) ankThay youay.

odGay essblay youay.

Andway odGay essblay ethay Unitedway atesStay ofway Americaway.


Some photos and a few thoughts

As I travel around the world — and especially on this trip to the Russian Far East — I’m reminded how incredibly lucky Americans are… and how we are only part of a much larger world. I think Americans — including myself — often forget these realities. I’ve been thinking a lot about both of these things over the past couple of weeks, talking with people and taking photos, some of which I’ve included below:

Hot water pipes
Hot water pipes

These pipes, which have a diameter of about 30 inches (most of which is probably insulation) carry hot water throughout the city. They power the radiators in Vladivostok‘s apartment buildings. That means the city decides when to turn on the heat for (pretty much) every building in Vladivostok. Ah, centralized control.

Girls at play
Girls at play

These three girls discovered I was American when I spoke with my interpreter, making them very curious about me indeed. They kept shouting English phrases at me (“What is your name?!” “How old are you?!”) and then shrieking and running away. They were very cute and made me yearn to see my own daughter even more.

Outside of Soviet submarine
Outside of Soviet submarine

This is an old WWII-era Soviet submarine. It sits next to the water in Vladivostok. Taking a tour costs about $3. On the day I visited, there were about 8 brides wandering around with their grooms and wedding parties.

Soviet torpedoes
Soviet torpedoes

The interior of the submarine is split into two primary areas. The first is more of a museum with artifacts, photos and information. The second part is the submarine much as it existed when it was in use. That includes wooden drawers for maps, a working periscope (more on that in a moment), instruments, a photo of Joseph Stalin, and torpedo bays, which you can touch. Just don’t push the red button.

View through a periscope
View through a periscope

Inside the sub is a working periscope. I put my camera up against the viewfinder and snapped this shot of my peering out over the bay at a British naval ship.

End of the line
End of the line

What’s interesting about this photo isn’t me, but what I’m leaning on. This is the marker indicating the end of the Trans Siberian Railroad. It’s only 9,288 kilometers to Moscow. In the 1950s, it took 18 days to cross Russia on this railroad. Now it takes about seven. I rode it overnight to Khabarovsk (the initial K is silent).

Russian Orthodox church
Russian Orthodox church

At the top of the hill from my hotel in Khabarovsk is this church. It is a copy of one that existed on the same site in the pre-Soviet days, but was destroyed when the U.S.S.R. purged religion from the country. Regardless of one’s religious or political views, from an aesthetic perspective, it’s quite beautiful, I think, as are the many other gleaming churches dotting Vladivostok and Khabarovsk.

View from Khabarovsk
View from Khabarovsk

As the sun sets over the Amur River, which flows out of China to the Straight of Tartary, one can see China on the horizon. The fish in this river used to be plentiful, locals have told me, but with pollution and toxic spills from China, it’s no longer safe for drinking, swimming or fishing.

And with that, I am off to deliver a lecture to Khabarovsk citizens interested in listening in meeting a real live American. I hope I have enough energy to make it worth their while.

Russian banya

Once I finally got over the worst of the jet lag this week, I finally had a chance to experience some Russian culture.

On Thursday, my guide, Dima, took me to his dacha, which is sort of like an American cabin. As I understand it, in Soviet times people were given a small plot of land on which they could build a 6-meter by 6-meter one-story cabin — or dacha — to get away from the city. It also afforded a chance for Russians to cultivate a small vegetable patch for themselves.

Soviet-era dacha
Soviet-era dacha

Today, many Russians are expanding their dachas with additional floors. In Dima’s case, he’s also added a banya, or Russian sauna, as a separate building. As Dima explained to me, a real banya is heated by a small wood stove (electric saunas need not apply).

As we prepared the banya, I started thinking about what I was going to wear. I hadn’t brought shorts or a bathing suit with me. As if reading my mind, Dima said, “In Russian banya, we usually just wear towel, but I can give you shorts if you want.”

I didn’t want to seem prudish, so I said a towel would be fine. Then I noticed a string of twigs hanging in the banya.

“What are those?” I asked.

“Those are for massaging in the banya,” he said. He then explained that the bunches of twigs are soaked in hot water to release their aromas and then smacked against the naked backside. “The hot water releases the raisins,” he said. Raisins? What raisins? What kind of freaky things is this.


Days later I realized he didn’t say “raisins,” but “resins.”

Smacking branches
Smacking branches

Babushka’s feast

While the banya heated up, we returned to the dacha for dinner. Dima’s mother in law was preparing a fresh vegetable salad. She mixed fresh tomatoes, cucumbers and some kind of squash with some oil and salt. It was marvelous to watch this old woman — a classic Russian babushka — put together this colorful and tasty meal in a tiny kitchen powered by a small wood stove. She spoke to me in rapid Russian and even though I clearly didn’t understand a word she was saying, continued to talk to me as if I was family.

As she spoke, I could see most of her teeth were capped in gold. Her face was worn but contented and her white hair contrasted with her colorful dress. I asked if I could take her picture, but she demurred, covering her mouth.


I moved into the next room and sat down with Dima and two of his friends. His mother in law started bringing us the food she had prepared: the tomato salad, borscht, salty pickles, fresh berry juice, fresh tomato juice and fresh bread. It was perfect. We toasted with some cognac and I sat and listened to my host laugh and tell stories with his friends in Russian.

With a naked light bulb hanging from the ceiling (the dacha wasn’t yet finished), it wasn’t hard to imagine this being Soviet Russia where people congregated at home in small groups to share meals and happiness.

Generals v. Genitals

As dinner ended, Dima announced the the banya was ready. As I disrobed, Dima sought again to reassure me. “In Russia we have a saying: ‘There are no genitals in Russian banya.'” I smiled and thought about this. Then I wondered, did he say “genitals” or “generals”?

As I pondered this question (eventually concluding that he actually said “generals”), he continued to reassure me. “A friend in America who loves Russian banya says there this is only for the gays. But here it is normal.”

An image of being sodomized by a bunch of hot wet branches flashed through my mind, but no matter. It was banya or bust.

I stepped into the hot and humid room and was instantly transported to Washington, D.C., in August. And then it got hotter. And hotter. Dima added water and said, “This opens the pores, letting the fat and bad juices out.”

I was all for letting fat seep out of my body, so I sat. Beads of sweat appeared on my skin. Then Dima handed me a woolen hat.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” I thought to myself. A woolen hat? I gave a little laugh and asked, “why a hat?”

“Feel your hair,” he advised. I did and it was scorching hot. I donned the hat and suddenly my head felt surprisingly cooler. Dima put on his own cap, which was shaped as if it were a Soviet pirate’s hat.

Then it was time for the massage. Laying myself down on the towel, Dima shook the wet branches over my skin and then started slapping and massaging. It took me a few minutes to relax, but once I did, it was surprisingly therapeutic. The odors of the branches were sweet and oaky. Then it was time to get hosed down.

Dima sent me into the cold autumn air and had me drop my towel. He then sprayed me with cold water from the hose. It was both shocking and refreshing. Then it was back into banya.

I couldn’t take much more of the heat. My head started to swim and my heart was pounding. I felt drunk… and overheated.

Exiting the room, I sat in the cool air and tried to get the dizziness to pass. I could imagine being rushed to the hospital and having the Russian doctors laugh at me for not being man enough to handle a Russian banya. I could even imagine the put downs, “Clearly there wasn’t a general in this banya! HAHAHA.”

As the dizziness subsided, I returned to the dacha and noticed Dima’s mother in law preparing dessert: small pancakes with fresh jam. While Dima and his friends continued their banyas, I devoured three or four pancakes and then nodded off to a restful sleep on the couch.

The Russian People

For most of my travel through and around Vladivostok, I’ve relied on Volodya the driver. Manning a white Toyota Land Cruiser, he cuts a direct and forceful path through the traffic here.

I would describe Volodya two ways. First, he looks like Béla Károlyi, the gymnast coach from Romania. He coached Nadia Comăneci and Mary Lou Retton, amongst others.


Anyway, Volodya looks like Bela. But he’s silent. Utterly silent. And expressionless. For three days, I barely heard a “da” or “net.” Until yesterday.

Yesterday, he suddenly spew forth several paragraphs of Russian in one gigantic outburst. It’s as if he saves up all his words for a month or two and then lets them out only when they’ve reached a critical mass.

The Russian journalism professor who was with me said Volodya was talking about his upcoming weekend off and how he would be spending it alone the woods killing birds. Then Volodya laughed.

High heel flat tummies

On the other end of the spectrum are the many Russian girls who seem to be entirely focused on looking beautiful — and most succeed. In my classes, for example, many — if not most — wear high heels and makeup. They seem determined not to turn into the stereotypical Russian babushkas.

My class
My class

A friend of mine terms these girls — who fawn over each other in a curious sort of way — high heel flat tummies. It’s a pretty good description. All I can say is, I hope the Russian boys deserve them!

Above is a picture of the students in my class. In many respects, they’re the same as the students I teach in America. Some are interested, some are not. Some try to hide that they are playing on their cell phones, others take overly extended bathroom breaks. But, they are a fun bunch and I’m glad to have the chance to spend some time talking multimedia journalism with them.

En Route to Russia

There’s nothing like a trip to the other side of the planet to get me to update my blog. This time, I’m headed to Vladivostok, the one-time home to the USSR‘s Pacific Fleet. (Actually, I’m already here, but am behind on posting, so…)

Anyway, I’m here to do a week of teaching (followed by a few more days in nearby Khabarovsk). I’m teaching journalism students in both cities, as well as meeting with some local journalists. The purpose is to provide some insights into American journalism and what’s happening online. Ironically, many Americans are wondering the same thing!

Heading East… Far East

I left Friday evening and my journey took me the “long way” to Vladivostok. Instead of flying west, I headed east, landing first in Moscow. Consistent with my findings as I’ve traveled abroad in recent years, all of the signs were in both the local language and English. Although this is certainly useful, I can’t help but feel a twinge of embarrassment. For one, the proliferation of English signage suggests both a culture creep and an expectation of catering that feels a little, well, obnoxious. Second, I know how few signs in America offer anything other than English. It seems to be a double standard that would do little to increase American likability.

That said, I was grateful for the signs, especially in Moscow airport when I spotted one that directed everybody — except those from Kazakhstan — to the immigration agents. The Kazakhs were redirected down a set of stairs to Lord only knows where. Those poor people get no respect.

Anyway, I’m keeping my posts short on this trip. My goal is to post a few short bits a few times a day. More to come.