Rubbed Raw

Perhaps presaging today’s events, last night I found myself unable to fall asleep. Awake until 2 a.m., I passed the time reading David Remnick‘s The Bridge, a biography of Barack Obama. It’s quite interesting and makes me wonder what the young Obama would say about his presidency.

Never mind that for now, though. I finally drifted off to sleep only to awake several hours later with a rolling pain in my belly. After determining that my kidneys were still in tact, I rushed to the bathroom where I … well, no need for details here. Let’s just say Mr. Whipple doesn’t need to worry about anyone squeezing Tajiki TP.

Continue reading “Rubbed Raw”

2010 SOTU in Swedish Chef

Recently I came across this web page that translates English into Swedish Chef, Jive, Valley Girl and Pig Latin. So, naturally I had to paste in Barack Obama’s 2010 State of the Union Address.

Enjoy.

Oh, and the original.

Anyway, without further ado, the 2010 State of the Union address in Swedish Chef:

THE PRESIDENT: Medem Speeker, Feece-a Preseedent Beedee, members ooff Cungress, deestingooished gooests, und felloo Emereecuns: Oooor Cunsteetooshun decleres thet frum teeme-a tu teeme-a, zee Preseedent shell geefe-a tu Cungress inffurmeshun ebuoot zee stete-a ooff oooor uneeun.

Fur 220 yeers, oooor leeders hefe-a foolffeelled thees dooty.

Zeey’fe-a dune-a su dooreeng pereeuds ooff pruspereety und trunqooeelity.

Und zeey’fe-a dune-a su in zee meedst ooff ver und depresseeun; et muments ooff greet streeffe-a und greet strooggle-a.

It’s tempteeng tu luuk beck oon zeese-a muments und essoome-a thet oooor prugress ves inefeeteble-a -– thet Emereeca ves elveys desteened tu soocceed.

Boot vhee zee Uneeun ves toorned beck et Booll Roon, und zee Elleees furst lunded et Oomeha Beech, feectury ves fery mooch in duoobt.

Vhee zee merket creshed oon Bleck Tooesdey, und ceefil reeghts merchers vere-a beetee oon Bluudy Soondey, zee footoore-a ves unytheeng boot certeeen.

Zeese-a vere-a zee teemes thet tested zee cuoorege-a ooff oooor cunfeecshuns, und zee strengt ooff oooor uneeun.

Und despeete-a ell oooor deefisiuns und deesegreements, oooor heseeteshuns und oooor feers, Emereeca prefeeeled becoose-a ve-a chuse-a tu mufe-a furverd es oone-a neshun, es oone-a peuple-a.

Egeeen, ve-a ere-a tested.

Und egeeen, ve-a moost unsver heestury’s cell.

Oone-a yeer egu, I tuuk ooffffeece-a emeed tvu vers, un icunumy rucked by a sefere-a recesseeun, a feenunciel system oon zee ferge-a ooff cullepse-a, und a gufernment deeply in debt.

Ixperts frum ecruss zee puleeticel spectroom verned thet iff ve-a deed nut ect, ve-a meeght fece-a a secund depresseeun.

Su ve-a ected -– immedeeetely und eggresseefely.

Und oone-a yeer leter, zee vurst ooff zee sturm hes pessed.

Boot zee defesteshun remeeens.

Oone-a in 10 Emereecuns steell cunnut feend vurk.

Muny booseenesses hefe-a shoottered.

Hume-a felooes hefe-a decleened.

Smell toons und roorel cummooneeties hefe-a beee heet ispeceeelly herd.

Und fur thuse-a vhu’d elreedy knoon puferty, leeffe-a hes becume-a thet mooch herder.

Thees recesseeun hes elsu cumpuoonded zee boordens thet Emereece’s femeelies hefe-a beee deeleeng veet fur decedes –- zee boordee ooff vurkeeng herder und lunger fur less; ooff beeeng uneble-a tu sefe-a inuoogh tu reture-a oor help keeds veet cullege-a.

Su I knoo zee unxeeeties thet ere-a oooot zeere-a reeght noo.

Zeey’re-a nut noo.

Zeese-a strooggles ere-a zee reesun I run fur Preseedent.

Zeese-a strooggles ere-a vhet I’fe-a veetnessed fur yeers in pleces leeke-a Ilkhert, Indeeuna; Gelesboorg, Illeenuis.

I heer ebuoot zeem in zee letters thet I reed iech neeght.

Zee tuooghest tu reed ere-a thuse-a vreettee by cheeldree -– eskeeng vhy zeey hefe-a tu mufe-a frum zeeur hume-a, eskeeng vhee zeeur mum oor ded veell be-a eble-a tu gu beck tu vurk.

Fur zeese-a Emereecuns und su muny oozeers, chunge-a hes nut cume-a fest inuoogh.

Sume-a ere-a froostreted; sume-a ere-a ungry.

Zeey dun’t understund vhy it seems leeke-a bed behefeeur oon Vell Street is rooerded, boot herd vurk oon Meeen Street isn’t; oor vhy Vesheengtun hes beee uneble-a oor unveelling tu sulfe-a uny ooff oooor prublems.

Zeey’re-a tured ooff zee perteesunship und zee shuooteeng und zee petteeness.

Zeey knoo ve-a cun‘t effffurd it.

Nut noo.

Su ve-a fece-a beeg und deefffficoolt chellenges.

Und vhet zee Emereecun peuple-a hupe-a -– vhet zeey deserfe-a -– is fur ell ooff us, Demucrets und Repoobleecuns, tu vurk thruoogh oooor deefffferences; tu oofercume-a zee noombeeng veeeght ooff oooor puleetics.

Fur vheele-a zee peuple-a vhu sent us here-a hefe-a deefffferent beckgruoonds, deefffferent stureees, deefffferent beleeeffs, zee unxeeeties zeey fece-a ere-a zee seme-a.

Zee espureshuns zeey huld ere-a shered: a jub thet peys zee beells; a chunce-a tu get eheed; must ooff ell, zee ebeelity tu geefe-a zeeur cheeldree a better leeffe-a.

Yuoo knoo vhet ilse-a zeey shere-a? Zeey shere-a a stoobburn reseelience-a in zee fece-a ooff edferseety.

Effter oone-a ooff zee must deefffficoolt yeers in oooor heestury, zeey remeeen boosy booeelding cers und teecheeng keeds, sterteeng booseenesses und gueeng beck tu schuul.

Zeey’re-a cuecheeng Leettle-a Leegooe-a und helpeeng zeeur neeeghburs.

Oone-a vumun vrute-a tu me-a und seeed, “Ve-a ere-a streeened boot hupeffool, strooggleeng boot incuooreged.” It’s becoose-a ooff thees spureet -– thees greet decency und greet strengt -– thet I hefe-a nefer beee mure-a hupeffool ebuoot Emereece’s footoore-a thun I em tuneeght.

(Epploose-a.) Despeete-a oooor herdsheeps, oooor uneeun is strung.

Ve-a du nut geefe-a up.

Ve-a du nut qooeet.

Ve-a du nut elloo feer oor deefisiun tu breek oooor spureet.

In thees noo decede-a, it’s teeme-a zee Emereecun peuple-a get a gufernment thet metches zeeur decency; thet imbudeees zeeur strengt.

(Epploose-a.) Und tuneeght, tuneeght I’d leeke-a tu telk ebuoot hoo tugezeer ve-a cun deleefer oon thet prumeese-a.

It begeens veet oooor icunumy.

Oooor must urgent tesk upun tekeeng ooffffeece-a ves tu shure-a up zee seme-a bunks thet helped coose-a thees creesis.

It ves nut iesy tu du.

Und iff zeere’s oone-a theeng thet hes uneeffied Demucrets und Repoobleecuns, und iferybudy in betveee, it’s thet ve-a ell heted zee bunk beeeluoot.

I heted it — (epploose-a.) I heted it.

Yuoo heted it.

It ves ebuoot es pupooler es a ruut cunel.

(Looghter.) Boot vhee I run fur Preseedent, I prumeesed I vuooldn’t joost du vhet ves pupooler -– I vuoold du vhet ves necessery.

Und iff ve-a hed ellooed zee meltdoon ooff zee feenunciel system, unempluyment meeght be-a duooble-a vhet it is tudey.

Mure-a booseenesses vuoold certeeenly hefe-a clused.

Mure-a humes vuoold hefe-a soorely beee lust.

Su I sooppurted zee lest edmeenistreshun’s iffffurts tu creete-a zee feenunciel rescooe-a prugrem.

Und vhee ve-a tuuk thet prugrem oofer, ve-a mede-a it mure-a trunsperent und mure-a eccuoonteble-a.

Und es a resoolt, zee merkets ere-a noo stebeelized, und ve’fe-a recufered must ooff zee muney ve-a spent oon zee bunks.

(Epploose-a.) Must boot nut ell.

Tu recufer zee rest, I’fe-a prupused a fee-a oon zee beeggest bunks.

(Epploose-a.) Noo, I knoo Vell Street isn’t keee oon thees idea.

Boot iff zeese-a furms cun effffurd tu hund oooot beeg bunooses egeeen, zeey cun effffurd a mudest fee-a tu pey beck zee texpeyers vhu rescooed zeem in zeeur teeme-a ooff need.

(Epploose-a.) Noo, es ve-a stebeelized zee feenunciel system, ve-a elsu tuuk steps tu get oooor icunumy grooeeng egeeen, sefe-a es muny jubs es pusseeble-a, und help Emereecuns vhu hed becume-a unempluyed.

Thet‘s vhy ve-a ixtended oor increesed unempluyment beneffeets fur mure-a thun 18 meelliun Emereecuns; mede-a heelt insoorunce-a 65 percent cheeper fur femeelies vhu get zeeur cuferege-a thruoogh COBRA; und pessed 25 deefffferent tex coots.

Noo, let me-a repeet: Ve-a coot texes.

Ve-a coot texes fur 95 percent ooff vurkeeng femeelies.

(Epploose-a.) Ve-a coot texes fur smell booseenesses.

Ve-a coot texes fur furst-teeme-a humebooyers.

Ve-a coot texes fur perents tryeeng tu cere-a fur zeeur cheeldree.

Ve-a coot texes fur 8 meelliun Emereecuns peyeeng fur cullege-a.

(Epploose-a.) I thuooght I’d get sume-a epploose-a oon thet oone-a.

(Looghter und epploose-a.) Es a resoolt, meelliuns ooff Emereecuns hed mure-a tu spend oon ges und fuud und oozeer necesseeties, ell ooff vheech helped booseenesses keep mure-a vurkers.

Und ve-a hefen’t reeesed incume-a texes by a seengle-a deeme-a oon a seengle-a persun.

Nut a seengle-a deeme-a.

(Epploose-a.) Becoose-a ooff zee steps ve-a tuuk, zeere-a ere-a ebuoot tvu meelliun Emereecuns vurkeeng reeght noo vhu vuoold oozeerveese-a be-a unempluyed.

(Epploose-a.) Tvu hoondred thuoosund vurk in cunstroocshun und cleun inergy; 300,000 ere-a teechers und oozeer idooceshun vurkers.

Tens ooff thuoosunds ere-a cups, fureffeeghters, currecshunel ooffffeecers, furst respunders.

(Epploose-a.) Und ve’re-a oon treck tu edd unuzeer oone-a und a helff meelliun jubs tu thees tutel by zee ind ooff zee yeer.

Zee plun thet hes mede-a ell ooff thees pusseeble-a, frum zee tex coots tu zee jubs, is zee Recufery Ect.

(Epploose-a.) Thet’s reeght -– zee Recufery Ect, elsu knoon es zee steemooloos beell.

(Epploose-a.) Icunumeests oon zee lefft und zee reeght sey thees beell hes helped sefe-a jubs und efert deesester.

Boot yuoo dun’t hefe-a tu teke-a zeeur vurd fur it.

Telk tu zee smell booseeness in Phueneex thet veell treeple-a its vurkffurce-a becoose-a ooff zee Recufery Ect.

Telk tu zee veendoo munooffectoorer in Pheeledelphia vhu seeed he-a used tu be-a skepteecel ebuoot zee Recufery Ect, unteel he-a hed tu edd tvu mure-a vurk sheeffts joost becoose-a ooff zee booseeness it creeted.

Telk tu zee seengle-a teecher reeesing tvu keeds vhu ves tuld by her preencipel in zee lest veek ooff schuul thet becoose-a ooff zee Recufery Ect, she-a vuooldn’t be-a leeed ooffff effter ell.

Zeere-a ere-a stureees leeke-a thees ell ecruss Emereeca.

Und effter tvu yeers ooff recesseeun, zee icunumy is grooeeng egeeen.

Returement foonds hefe-a sterted tu geeen beck sume-a ooff zeeur felooe-a.

Booseenesses ere-a begeenning tu infest egeeen, und slooly sume-a ere-a sterteeng tu hure-a egeeen.

Boot I reeleeze-a thet fur ifery sooccess stury, zeere-a ere-a oozeer stureees, ooff mee und vumee vhu veke-a up veet zee ungooeesh ooff nut knooeeng vhere-a zeeur next peycheck veell cume-a frum; vhu send oooot resoomes veek effter veek und heer nutheeng in respunse-a.

Thet is vhy jubs moost be-a oooor noomber-oone-a fucoos in 2010, und thet’s vhy I’m celleeng fur a noo jubs beell tuneeght.

(Epploose-a.) Noo, zee trooe-a ingeene-a ooff jub creeshun in thees cuoontry veell elveys be-a Emereece’s booseenesses.

(Epploose-a.) Boot gufernment cun creete-a zee cundeeshuns necessery fur booseenesses tu ixpund und hure-a mure-a vurkers.

Ve-a shuoold stert vhere-a must noo jubs du –- in smell booseenesses, cumpuneees thet begeen vhee — (epploose-a) — cumpuneees thet begeen vhee un intrepreneoor — vhee un intrepreneoor tekes a chunce-a oon a dreem, oor a vurker deceedes it’s teeme-a she-a beceme-a her oovn buss.

Thruoogh sheer greet und determeeneshun, zeese-a cumpuneees hefe-a veezeered zee recesseeun und zeey’re-a reedy tu groo.

Boot vhee yuoo telk tu smell booseenessooners in pleces leeke-a Ellentoon, Pennsylfuneea, oor Ilyreea, Ooheeu, yuoo feend oooot thet ifee thuoogh bunks oon Vell Street ere-a lendeeng egeeen, zeey’re-a mustly lendeeng tu beegger cumpuneees.

Feenuncing remeeens deefffficoolt fur smell booseenessooners ecruss zee cuoontry, ifee thuse-a thet ere-a mekeeng a pruffeet.

Su tuneeght, I’m prupuseeng thet ve-a teke-a $30 beelliun ooff zee muney Vell Street bunks hefe-a repeeed und use-a it tu help cummooneety bunks geefe-a smell booseenesses zee credeet zeey need tu stey effluet.

(Epploose-a.) I’m elsu prupuseeng a noo smell booseeness tex credeet -– oone-a thet veell gu tu oofer oone-a meelliun smell booseenesses vhu hure-a noo vurkers oor reeese-a veges.

(Epploose-a.) Vheele-a ve’re-a et it, let’s elsu ileeminete-a ell cepeetel geeens texes oon smell booseeness infestment, und prufeede-a a tex incenteefe-a fur ell lerge-a booseenesses und ell smell booseenesses tu infest in noo plunts und iqooeepment.

(Epploose-a.) Next, ve-a cun poot Emereecuns tu vurk tudey booeelding zee inffrestrooctoore-a ooff tumurroo.

(Epploose-a.) Frum zee furst reeelrueds tu zee Interstete-a Heeghvey System, oooor neshun hes elveys beee booeelt tu cumpete-a.

Zeere’s nu reesun Ioorupe-a oor Cheena shuoold hefe-a zee festest treeens, oor zee noo fectureees thet munooffectoore-a cleun inergy prudoocts.

Tumurroo, I’ll feesit Tempa, Flureeda, vhere-a vurkers veell suun breek gruoond oon a noo heegh-speed reeelrued foonded by zee Recufery Ect.

(Epploose-a.) Zeere-a ere-a prujects leeke-a thet ell ecruss thees cuoontry thet veell creete-a jubs und help mufe-a oooor neshun’s guuds, serfeeces, und inffurmeshun.

(Epploose-a.) Ve-a shuoold poot mure-a Emereecuns tu vurk booeelding cleun inergy feceelities — (epploose-a) — und geefe-a rebetes tu Emereecuns vhu meke-a zeeur humes mure-a inergy-iffffeecient, vheech sooppurts cleun inergy jubs.

(Epploose-a.) Und tu incuoorege-a zeese-a und oozeer booseenesses tu stey veethin oooor burders, it is teeme-a tu feenelly slesh zee tex breeks fur cumpuneees thet sheep oooor jubs oofersees, und geefe-a thuse-a tex breeks tu cumpuneees thet creete-a jubs reeght here-a in zee Uneeted Stetes ooff Emereeca.

(Epploose-a.) Noo, zee Huoose-a hes pessed a jubs beell thet incloodes sume-a ooff zeese-a steps.

(Epploose-a.) Es zee furst oorder ooff booseeness thees yeer, I urge-a zee Senete-a tu du zee seme-a, und I knoo zeey veell.

(Epploose-a.) Zeey veell.

(Epploose-a.) Peuple-a ere-a oooot ooff vurk.

Zeey’re-a hoorteeng.

Zeey need oooor help.

Und I vunt a jubs beell oon my desk veethuoot deley.

(Epploose-a.) Boot zee troot is, zeese-a steps vun’t meke-a up fur zee sefee meelliun jubs thet ve’fe-a lust oofer zee lest tvu yeers.

Zee oonly vey tu mufe-a tu fooll impluyment is tu ley a noo fuoondeshun fur lung-term icunumeec groot, und feenelly eddress zee prublems thet Emereece’s femeelies hefe-a cunffrunted fur yeers.

Ve-a cun’t effffurd unuzeer su-celled icunumeec “ixpunseeun” leeke-a zee oone-a frum zee lest decede-a –- vhet sume-a cell zee “lust decede-a” -– vhere-a jubs groo mure-a slooly thun dooreeng uny preeur ixpunseeun; vhere-a zee incume-a ooff zee eferege-a Emereecun huoosehuld decleened vheele-a zee cust ooff heelt cere-a und tooeeshun reeched recurd heeghs; vhere-a pruspereety ves booeelt oon a huooseeng boobble-a und feenunciel specooleshun.

Frum zee dey I tuuk ooffffeece-a, I’fe-a beee tuld thet eddresseeng oooor lerger chellenges is tuu embeetiuoos; sooch un iffffurt vuoold be-a tuu cuntenteeuoos.

I’fe-a beee tuld thet oooor puleeticel system is tuu greedlucked, und thet ve-a shuoold joost poot theengs oon huld fur a vheele-a.

Fur thuse-a vhu meke-a zeese-a cleeems, I hefe-a oone-a seemple-a qooesshun: Hoo lung shuoold ve-a veeet? Hoo lung shuoold Emereeca poot its footoore-a oon huld? (Epploose-a.) Yuoo see-a, Vesheengtun hes beee telleeng us tu veeet fur decedes, ifee es zee prublems hefe-a groon vurse-a.

Meunvheele-a, Cheena is nut veeeting tu refemp its icunumy.

Germuny is nut veeeting.

Indeea is nut veeeting.

Zeese-a neshuns — zeey’re-a nut stundeeng steell.

Zeese-a neshuns eren’t pleyeeng fur secund plece-a.

Zeey’re-a pootteeng mure-a imphesees oon met und sceeence-a.

Zeey’re-a rebooeelding zeeur inffrestrooctoore-a.

Zeey’re-a mekeeng sereeuoos infestments in cleun inergy becoose-a zeey vunt thuse-a jubs.

Vell, I du nut eccept secund plece-a fur zee Uneeted Stetes ooff Emereeca.

(Epploose-a.) Es herd es it mey be-a, es uncumffurteble-a und cuntenteeuoos es zee debetes mey becume-a, it’s teeme-a tu get sereeuoos ebuoot feexing zee prublems thet ere-a hempereeng oooor groot.

Noo, oone-a plece-a tu stert is sereeuoos feenunciel reffurm.

Luuk, I em nut interested in pooneeshing bunks.

I’m interested in prutecteeng oooor icunumy.

A strung, heelthy feenunciel merket mekes it pusseeble-a fur booseenesses tu eccess credeet und creete-a noo jubs.

It chunnels zee sefeengs ooff femeelies intu infestments thet reeese-a incumes.

Boot thet cun oonly heppee iff ve-a gooerd egeeenst zee seme-a recklessness thet neerly bruooght doon oooor inture-a icunumy.

Ve-a need tu meke-a soore-a cunsoomers und meeddle-a-cless femeelies hefe-a zee inffurmeshun zeey need tu meke-a feenunciel deceesiuns.

(Epploose-a.) Ve-a cun’t elloo feenunciel insteetooshuns, incloodeeng thuse-a thet teke-a yuoor depuseets, tu teke-a reesks thet threetee zee vhule-a icunumy.

Noo, zee Huoose-a hes elreedy pessed feenunciel reffurm veet muny ooff zeese-a chunges.

(Epploose-a.) Und zee lubbyeests ere-a tryeeng tu keell it.

Boot ve-a cunnut let zeem veen thees feeght.

(Epploose-a.) Und iff zee beell thet inds up oon my desk dues nut meet zee test ooff reel reffurm, I veell send it beck unteel ve-a get it reeght.

Ve’fe-a gut tu get it reeght.

(Epploose-a.) Next, ve-a need tu incuoorege-a Emereecun innufeshun.

Lest yeer, ve-a mede-a zee lergest infestment in beseec reseerch foondeeng in heestury -– (epploose-a) — un infestment thet cuoold leed tu zee vurld’s cheepest suler cells oor treetment thet keells cuncer cells boot leefes heelthy oones untuooched.

Und nu erea is mure-a reepe-a fur sooch innufeshun thun inergy.

Yuoo cun see-a zee resoolts ooff lest yeer’s infestments in cleun inergy -– in zee Nurt Ceruleena cumpuny thet veell creete-a 1,200 jubs neshunveede-a helpeeng tu meke-a edfunced bettereees; oor in zee Celeeffurnia booseeness thet veell poot a thuoosund peuple-a tu vurk mekeeng suler punels.

Boot tu creete-a mure-a ooff zeese-a cleun inergy jubs, ve-a need mure-a prudoocshun, mure-a iffffeeciency, mure-a incenteefes.

Und thet meuns booeelding a noo genereshun ooff seffe-a, cleun noocleer pooer plunts in thees cuoontry.

(Epploose-a.) It meuns mekeeng tuoogh deceesiuns ebuoot oopeneeng noo ooffffshure-a erees fur ooeel und ges defelupment.

(Epploose-a.) It meuns cunteenooed infestment in edfunced beeuffooels und cleun cuel technulugeees.

(Epploose-a.) Und, yes, it meuns pesseeng a cumprehenseefe-a inergy und cleemete-a beell veet incenteefes thet veell feenelly meke-a cleun inergy zee pruffeeteble-a keend ooff inergy in Emereeca.

(Epploose-a.) I em greteffool tu zee Huoose-a fur pesseeng sooch a beell lest yeer.

(Epploose-a.) Und thees yeer I’m ieger tu help edfunce-a zee beepertisun iffffurt in zee Senete-a.

(Epploose-a.) I knoo zeere-a hefe-a beee qooesshuns ebuoot vhezeer ve-a cun effffurd sooch chunges in a tuoogh icunumy.

I knoo thet zeere-a ere-a thuse-a vhu deesegree-a veet zee oofervhelmeeng sceeentiffic ifeedence-a oon cleemete-a chunge-a.

Boot here’s zee theeng — ifee iff yuoo duoobt zee ifeedence-a, prufeeding incenteefes fur inergy-iffffeeciency und cleun inergy ere-a zee reeght theeng tu du fur oooor footoore-a -– becoose-a zee neshun thet leeds zee cleun inergy icunumy veell be-a zee neshun thet leeds zee glubel icunumy.

Und Emereeca moost be-a thet neshun.

(Epploose-a.) Thurd, ve-a need tu ixpurt mure-a ooff oooor guuds.

(Epploose-a.) Becoose-a zee mure-a prudoocts ve-a meke-a und sell tu oozeer cuoontreees, zee mure-a jubs ve-a sooppurt reeght here-a in Emereeca.

(Epploose-a.) Su tuneeght, ve-a set a noo guel: Ve-a veell duooble-a oooor ixpurts oofer zee next feefe-a yeers, un increese-a thet veell sooppurt tvu meelliun jubs in Emereeca.

(Epploose-a.) Tu help meet thees guel, ve’re-a looncheeng a Neshunel Ixpurt Ineetietife-a thet veell help fermers und smell booseenesses increese-a zeeur ixpurts, und reffurm ixpurt cuntruls cunseestent veet neshunel secooreety.

(Epploose-a.) Ve-a hefe-a tu seek noo merkets eggresseefely, joost es oooor cumpeteeturs ere-a.

Iff Emereeca seets oon zee seedelines vheele-a oozeer neshuns seegn trede-a deels, ve-a veell luse-a zee chunce-a tu creete-a jubs oon oooor shures.

(Epploose-a.) Boot reeleezing thuse-a beneffeets elsu meuns inffurceeng thuse-a egreements su oooor tredeeng pertners pley by zee rooles.

(Epploose-a.) Und thet’s vhy ve’ll cunteenooe-a tu shepe-a a Duha trede-a egreement thet oopens glubel merkets, und vhy ve-a veell strengzeen oooor trede-a releshuns in Eseea und veet key pertners leeke-a Suoot Kurea und Punema und Culumbeea.

(Epploose-a.) Fuoort, ve-a need tu infest in zee skeells und idooceshun ooff oooor peuple-a.

(Epploose-a.) Noo, thees yeer, ve’fe-a brukee thruoogh zee stelemete-a betveee lefft und reeght by looncheeng a neshunel cumpeteeshun tu imprufe-a oooor schuuls.

Und zee idea here-a is seemple-a: Insteed ooff rooerdeeng feeeloore-a, ve-a oonly rooerd sooccess.

Insteed ooff foondeeng zee stetoos qoou, ve-a oonly infest in reffurm — reffurm thet reeeses stoodent echeeefement; inspures stoodents tu ixcel in met und sceeence-a; und toorns eruoond feeeling schuuls thet steel zee footoore-a ooff tuu muny yuoong Emereecuns, frum roorel cummooneeties tu zee inner ceety.

In zee 21st centoory, zee best untee-puferty prugrem eruoond is a vurld-cless idooceshun.

(Epploose-a.) Und in thees cuoontry, zee sooccess ooff oooor cheeldree cunnut depend mure-a oon vhere-a zeey leefe-a thun oon zeeur putenteeel.

Vhee ve-a renoo zee Ilementery und Secundery Idooceshun Ect, ve-a veell vurk veet Cungress tu ixpund zeese-a reffurms tu ell 50 stetes.

Steell, in thees icunumy, a heegh schuul deepluma nu lunger gooeruntees a guud jub.

Thet’s vhy I urge-a zee Senete-a tu fulloo zee Huoose-a und pess a beell thet veell refeetelize-a oooor cummooneety culleges, vheech ere-a a cereer pethvey tu zee cheeldree ooff su muny vurkeeng femeelies.

(Epploose-a.) Tu meke-a cullege-a mure-a effffurdeble-a, thees beell veell feenelly ind zee unverrunted texpeyer soobseedies thet gu tu bunks fur stoodent luuns.

(Epploose-a.) Insteed, let’s teke-a thet muney und geefe-a femeelies a $10,000 tex credeet fur fuoor yeers ooff cullege-a und increese-a Pell Grunts.

(Epploose-a.) Und let’s tell unuzeer oone-a meelliun stoodents thet vhee zeey gredooete-a, zeey veell be-a reqooured tu pey oonly 10 percent ooff zeeur incume-a oon stoodent luuns, und ell ooff zeeur debt veell be-a furgeefee effter 20 yeers –- und furgeefee effter 10 yeers iff zeey chuuse-a a cereer in poobleec serfeece-a, becoose-a in zee Uneeted Stetes ooff Emereeca, nu oone-a shuoold gu bruke-a becoose-a zeey chuse-a tu gu tu cullege-a.

(Epploose-a.) Und by zee vey, it’s teeme-a fur culleges und uneefersities tu get sereeuoos ebuoot cootteeng zeeur oovn custs -– (epploose-a) — becoose-a zeey, tuu, hefe-a a respunseebility tu help sulfe-a thees prublem.

Noo, zee preece-a ooff cullege-a tooeeshun is joost oone-a ooff zee boordens feceeng zee meeddle-a cless.

Thet’s vhy lest yeer I esked Feece-a Preseedent Beedee tu cheur a tesk furce-a oon meeddle-a-cless femeelies.

Thet’s vhy ve’re-a neerly duoobleeng zee cheeld cere-a tex credeet, und mekeeng it ieseeer tu sefe-a fur returement by geefing eccess tu ifery vurker a returement eccuoont und ixpundeeng zee tex credeet fur thuse-a vhu stert a nest igg.

Thet’s vhy ve’re-a vurkeeng tu leefft zee felooe-a ooff a femeely’s seengle-a lergest infestment –- zeeur hume-a.

Zee steps ve-a tuuk lest yeer tu shure-a up zee huooseeng merket hefe-a ellooed meelliuns ooff Emereecuns tu teke-a oooot noo luuns und sefe-a un eferege-a ooff $1,500 oon murtgege-a peyments.

Thees yeer, ve-a veell step up reffeenuncing su thet humeooners cun mufe-a intu mure-a effffurdeble-a murtgeges.

(Epploose-a.) Und it is preceesely tu releeefe-a zee boordee oon meeddle-a-cless femeelies thet ve-a steell need heelt insoorunce-a reffurm.

(Epploose-a.) Yes, ve-a du.

(Epploose-a.) Noo, let’s cleer a foo theengs up.

(Looghter.) I deedn’t chuuse-a tu teckle-a thees issooe-a tu get sume-a legeesletife-a feectury under my belt.

Und by noo it shuoold be-a feurly oobfeeuoos thet I deedn’t teke-a oon heelt cere-a becoose-a it ves guud puleetics.

(Looghter.) I tuuk oon heelt cere-a becoose-a ooff zee stureees I’fe-a heerd frum Emereecuns veet preexeesting cundeeshuns vhuse-a leefes depend oon getteeng cuferege-a; peteeents vhu’fe-a beee deneeed cuferege-a; femeelies –- ifee thuse-a veet insoorunce-a -– vhu ere-a joost oone-a illness evey frum feenunciel rooeen.

Effter neerly a centoory ooff tryeeng — Demucreteec edmeenistreshuns, Repoobleecun edmeenistreshuns — ve-a ere-a cluser thun ifer tu breenging mure-a secooreety tu zee leefes ooff su muny Emereecuns.

Zee eppruech ve’fe-a tekee vuoold prutect ifery Emereecun frum zee vurst precteeces ooff zee insoorunce-a indoostry.

It vuoold geefe-a smell booseenesses und uneensoored Emereecuns a chunce-a tu chuuse-a un effffurdeble-a heelt cere-a plun in a cumpeteetife-a merket.

It vuoold reqooure-a ifery insoorunce-a plun tu cufer prefenteefe-a cere-a.

Und by zee vey, I vunt tu ecknooledge-a oooor Furst Ledy, Meechelle-a Oobema, vhu thees yeer is creeteeng a neshunel mufement tu teckle-a zee ipeedemic ooff cheeldhuud oobeseety und meke-a keeds heeltheeer.

(Epploose-a.) Thunk yuoo.

She-a gets imberressed.

(Looghter.) Oooor eppruech vuoold preserfe-a zee reeght ooff Emereecuns vhu hefe-a insoorunce-a tu keep zeeur ductur und zeeur plun.

It vuoold redooce-a custs und premeeooms fur meelliuns ooff femeelies und booseenesses.

Und eccurdeeng tu zee Cungresseeunel Boodget Ooffffeece-a -– zee independent oorguneezeshun thet but perteees hefe-a ceeted es zee ooffffeeciel scurekeeper fur Cungress –- oooor eppruech vuoold breeng doon zee deffeecit by es mooch es $1 treelliun oofer zee next tvu decedes.

(Epploose-a.) Steell, thees is a cumplex issooe-a, und zee lunger it ves debeted, zee mure-a skepteecel peuple-a beceme-a.

I teke-a my shere-a ooff zee bleme-a fur nut ixpleeening it mure-a cleerly tu zee Emereecun peuple-a.

Und I knoo thet veet ell zee lubbyeeng und hurse-a-tredeeng, zee prucess lefft must Emereecuns vundereeng, “Vhet’s in it fur me-a?” Boot I elsu knoo thees prublem is nut gueeng evey.

By zee teeme-a I’m feenished speekeeng tuneeght, mure-a Emereecuns veell hefe-a lust zeeur heelt insoorunce-a.

Meelliuns veell luse-a it thees yeer.

Oooor deffeecit veell groo.

Premeeooms veell gu up.

Peteeents veell be-a deneeed zee cere-a zeey need.

Smell booseeness oovners veell cunteenooe-a tu drup cuferege-a eltugezeer.

I veell nut velk evey frum zeese-a Emereecuns, und neeezeer shuoold zee peuple-a in thees chember.

(Epploose-a.) Su, es temperetoores cuul, I vunt iferyune-a tu teke-a unuzeer luuk et zee plun ve’fe-a prupused.

Zeere’s a reesun vhy muny ducturs, noorses, und heelt cere-a ixperts vhu knoo oooor system best cunseeder thees eppruech a fest imprufement oofer zee stetoos qoou.

Boot iff unyune-a frum ieezeer perty hes a better eppruech thet veell breeng doon premeeooms, breeng doon zee deffeecit, cufer zee uneensoored, strengzeen Medeecere-a fur seneeurs, und stup insoorunce-a cumpuny ebooses, let me-a knoo.

(Epploose-a.) Let me-a knoo.

Let me-a knoo.

(Epploose-a.) I’m ieger tu see-a it.

Here’s vhet I esk Cungress, thuoogh: Dun’t velk evey frum reffurm.

Nut noo.

Nut vhee ve-a ere-a su cluse-a.

Let us feend a vey tu cume-a tugezeer und feenish zee jub fur zee Emereecun peuple-a.

(Epploose-a.) Let’s get it dune-a.

Let’s get it dune-a.

(Epploose-a.) Noo, ifee es heelt cere-a reffurm vuoold redooce-a oooor deffeecit, it’s nut inuoogh tu deeg us oooot ooff a messeefe-a feescel hule-a in vheech ve-a feend oooorselfes.

It’s a chellenge-a thet mekes ell oozeers thet mooch herder tu sulfe-a, und oone-a thet’s beee soobject tu a lut ooff puleeticel pustooreeng.

Su let me-a stert zee deescoossiun ooff gufernment spendeeng by setteeng zee recurd streeeght.

Et zee begeenning ooff zee lest decede-a, zee yeer 2000, Emereeca hed a boodget soorploos ooff oofer $200 beelliun.

(Epploose-a.) By zee teeme-a I tuuk ooffffeece-a, ve-a hed a oone-a-yeer deffeecit ooff oofer $1 treelliun und prujected deffeecits ooff $8 treelliun oofer zee next decede-a.

Must ooff thees ves zee resoolt ooff nut peyeeng fur tvu vers, tvu tex coots, und un ixpenseefe-a prescreepshun droog prugrem.

Oon tup ooff thet, zee iffffects ooff zee recesseeun poot a $3 treelliun hule-a in oooor boodget.

Ell thees ves beffure-a I velked in zee duur.

(Looghter und epploose-a.) Noo — joost steteeng zee fects.

Noo, iff ve-a hed tekee ooffffeece-a in oordeenery teemes, I vuoold hefe-a leeked nutheeng mure-a thun tu stert breenging doon zee deffeecit.

Boot ve-a tuuk ooffffeece-a emeed a creesis.

Und oooor iffffurts tu prefent a secund depresseeun hefe-a edded unuzeer $1 treelliun tu oooor neshunel debt.

Thet, tuu, is a fect.

I’m ebsulootely cunfeenced thet ves zee reeght theeng tu du.

Boot femeelies ecruss zee cuoontry ere-a teeghtening zeeur belts und mekeeng tuoogh deceesiuns.

Zee federel gufernment shuoold du zee seme-a.

(Epploose-a.) Su tuneeght, I’m prupuseeng speceeffic steps tu pey fur zee treelliun dullers thet it tuuk tu rescooe-a zee icunumy lest yeer.

Sterteeng in 2011, ve-a ere-a prepered tu freeze-a gufernment spendeeng fur three-a yeers.

(Epploose-a.) Spendeeng releted tu oooor neshunel secooreety, Medeecere-a, Medeeceid, und Suceeel Secooreety veell nut be-a effffected.

Boot ell oozeer deescreshunery gufernment prugrems veell.

Leeke-a uny cesh-strepped femeely, ve-a veell vurk veethin a boodget tu infest in vhet ve-a need und secreeffice-a vhet ve-a dun’t.

Und iff I hefe-a tu inffurce-a thees deescipline-a by fetu, I veell.

(Epploose-a.) Ve-a veell cunteenooe-a tu gu thruoogh zee boodget, leene-a by leene-a, pege-a by pege-a, tu ileeminete-a prugrems thet ve-a cun’t effffurd und dun’t vurk.

Ve’fe-a elreedy identeeffied $20 beelliun in sefeengs fur next yeer.

Tu help vurkeeng femeelies, ve’ll ixtend oooor meeddle-a-cless tex coots.

Boot et a teeme-a ooff recurd deffeecits, ve-a veell nut cunteenooe-a tex coots fur ooeel cumpuneees, fur infestment foond munegers, und fur thuse-a mekeeng oofer $250,000 a yeer.

Ve-a joost cun’t effffurd it.

(Epploose-a.) Noo, ifee effter peyeeng fur vhet ve-a spent oon my vetch, ve’ll steell fece-a zee messeefe-a deffeecit ve-a hed vhee I tuuk ooffffeece-a.

Mure-a impurtuntly, zee cust ooff Medeecere-a, Medeeceid, und Suceeel Secooreety veell cunteenooe-a tu skyrucket.

Thet’s vhy I’fe-a celled fur a beepertisun feescel cummeessiun, mudeled oon a prupusel by Repoobleecun Joodd Gregg und Demucret Kent Cunred.

(Epploose-a.) Thees cun’t be-a oone-a ooff thuse-a Vesheengtun geemmicks thet lets us pretend ve-a sulfed a prublem.

Zee cummeessiun veell hefe-a tu prufeede-a a speceeffic set ooff sulooshuns by a certeeen deedleene-a.

Noo, yesterdey, zee Senete-a blucked a beell thet vuoold hefe-a creeted thees cummeessiun.

Su I’ll issooe-a un ixecooteefe-a oorder thet veell elloo us tu gu furverd, becoose-a I reffoose-a tu pess thees prublem oon tu unuzeer genereshun ooff Emereecuns.

(Epploose-a.) Und vhee zee fute-a cumes tumurroo, zee Senete-a shuoold resture-a zee pey-es-yuoo-gu lev thet ves a beeg reesun fur vhy ve-a hed recurd soorplooses in zee 1990s.

(Epploose-a.) Noo, I knoo thet sume-a in my oovn perty veell ergooe-a thet ve-a cun’t eddress zee deffeecit oor freeze-a gufernment spendeeng vhee su muny ere-a steell hoorteeng.

Und I egree-a — vheech is vhy thees freeze-a vun’t teke-a iffffect unteel next yeer — (looghter) — vhee zee icunumy is strunger.

Thet’s hoo boodgeteeng vurks.

(Looghter und epploose-a.) Boot understund –- understund iff ve-a dun’t teke-a meuneengffool steps tu reeen in oooor debt, it cuoold demege-a oooor merkets, increese-a zee cust ooff burrooeeng, und jeuperdeeze-a oooor recufery -– ell ooff vheech vuoold hefe-a un ifee vurse-a iffffect oon oooor jub groot und femeely incumes.

Frum sume-a oon zee reeght, I ixpect ve’ll heer a deefffferent ergooment -– thet iff ve-a joost meke-a fooer infestments in oooor peuple-a, ixtend tex coots incloodeeng thuse-a fur zee veeltheeer Emereecuns, ileeminete-a mure-a regooleshuns, meeentein zee stetoos qoou oon heelt cere-a, oooor deffeecits veell gu evey.

Zee prublem is thet’s vhet ve-a deed fur ieeght yeers.

(Epploose-a.) Thet’s vhet helped us intu thees creesis.

It’s vhet helped leed tu zeese-a deffeecits.

Ve-a cun’t du it egeeen.

Rezeer thun feeght zee seme-a tured bettles thet hefe-a dumeeneted Vesheengtun fur decedes, it’s teeme-a tu try sumetheeng noo.

Let’s infest in oooor peuple-a veethuoot leefeeng zeem a muoonteeen ooff debt.

Let’s meet oooor respunseebility tu zee ceetizens vhu sent us here-a.

Let’s try cummun sense-a.

(Looghter.) A nufel cuncept.

Tu du thet, ve-a hefe-a tu recugneeze-a thet ve-a fece-a mure-a thun a deffeecit ooff dullers reeght noo.

Ve-a fece-a a deffeecit ooff troost -– deep und curruseefe-a duoobts ebuoot hoo Vesheengtun vurks thet hefe-a beee grooeeng fur yeers.

Tu cluse-a thet credeebility gep ve-a hefe-a tu teke-a ecshun oon but inds ooff Pennsylfuneea Efenooe-a — tu ind zee ooootseezed infflooence-a ooff lubbyeests; tu du oooor vurk oopenly; tu geefe-a oooor peuple-a zee gufernment zeey deserfe-a.

(Epploose-a.) Thet’s vhet I ceme-a tu Vesheengtun tu du.

Thet’s vhy -– fur zee furst teeme-a in heestury –- my edmeenistreshun pusts oon oooor Vheete-a Huoose-a feesiturs oonleene-a.

Thet’s vhy ve’fe-a ixclooded lubbyeests frum puleecymeking jubs, oor seets oon federel buerds und cummeessiuns.

Boot ve-a cun’t stup zeere-a.

It’s teeme-a tu reqooure-a lubbyeests tu deescluse-a iech cuntect zeey meke-a oon behelff ooff a cleeent veet my edmeenistreshun oor veet Cungress.

It’s teeme-a tu poot streect leemits oon zee cuntreebooshuns thet lubbyeests geefe-a tu cundeedetes fur federel ooffffeece-a.

Veet ell dooe-a defference-a tu sepereshun ooff pooers, lest veek zee Soopreme-a Cuoort refersed a centoory ooff lev thet I beleeefe-a veell oopee zee fluudgetes fur speceeel interests –- incloodeeng fureeegn curpureshuns –- tu spend veethuoot leemit in oooor ilecshuns.

(Epploose-a.) I dun’t theenk Emereecun ilecshuns shuoold be-a bunkrulled by Emereece’s must pooerffool interests, oor vurse-a, by fureeegn inteeties.

(Epploose-a.) Zeey shuoold be-a deceeded by zee Emereecun peuple-a.

Und I’d urge-a Demucrets und Repoobleecuns tu pess a beell thet helps tu currect sume-a ooff zeese-a prublems.

I’m elsu celleeng oon Cungress tu cunteenooe-a doon zee pet ooff iermerk reffurm.

Epploose-a.) Demucrets und Repoobleecuns.

(Epploose-a.) Demucrets und Repoobleecuns.

Yuoo’fe-a treemmed sume-a ooff thees spendeeng, yuoo’fe-a imbreced sume-a meuneengffool chunge-a.

Boot restureeng zee poobleec troost demunds mure-a.

Fur ixemple-a, sume-a members ooff Cungress pust sume-a iermerk reqooests oonleene-a.

(Epploose-a.) Tuneeght, I’m celleeng oon Cungress tu poobleesh ell iermerk reqooests oon a seengle-a Veb seete-a beffure-a zeere’s a fute-a, su thet zee Emereecun peuple-a cun see-a hoo zeeur muney is beeeng spent.

(Epploose-a.) Ooff cuoorse-a, nune-a ooff zeese-a reffurms veell ifee heppee iff ve-a dun’t elsu reffurm hoo ve-a vurk veet oone-a unuzeer.

Noo, I’m nut naïfe-a.

I nefer thuooght thet zee mere-a fect ooff my ilecshun vuoold usher in peece-a und hermuny — (looghter) — und sume-a pust-perteesun ira.

I knoo thet but perteees hefe-a fed deefisiuns thet ere-a deeply intrenched.

Und oon sume-a issooes, zeere-a ere-a seemply pheelusuphicel deefffferences thet veell elveys coose-a us tu pert veys.

Zeese-a deesegreements, ebuoot zee rule-a ooff gufernment in oooor leefes, ebuoot oooor neshunel preeurities und oooor neshunel secooreety, zeey’fe-a beee tekeeng plece-a fur oofer 200 yeers.

Zeey’re-a zee fery issence-a ooff oooor demucrecy.

Boot vhet froostretes zee Emereecun peuple-a is a Vesheengtun vhere-a ifery dey is Ilecshun Dey.

Ve-a cun’t vege-a a perpetooel cempeeegn vhere-a zee oonly guel is tu see-a vhu cun get zee must imberresseeng heedleenes ebuoot zee oozeer seede-a -– a beleeeff thet iff yuoo luse-a, I veen.

Neeezeer perty shuoold deley oor oobstrooct ifery seengle-a beell joost becoose-a zeey cun.

Zee cunffurmeshun ooff — (epploose-a) — I’m speekeeng tu but perteees noo.

Zee cunffurmeshun ooff vell-qooeleeffied poobleec serfunts shuooldn’t be-a held hustege-a tu zee pet prujects oor groodges ooff a foo indeefidooel seneturs.

(Epploose-a.) Vesheengtun mey theenk thet seyeeng unytheeng ebuoot zee oozeer seede-a, nu metter hoo felse-a, nu metter hoo meleeciuoos, is joost pert ooff zee geme-a.

Boot it’s preceesely sooch puleetics thet hes stupped ieezeer perty frum helpeeng zee Emereecun peuple-a.

Vurse-a yet, it’s sooeeng foorzeer deefisiun emung oooor ceetizens, foorzeer deestroost in oooor gufernment.

Su, nu, I veell nut geefe-a up oon tryeeng tu chunge-a zee tune-a ooff oooor puleetics.

I knoo it’s un ilecshun yeer.

Und effter lest veek, it’s cleer thet cempeeegn fefer hes cume-a ifee ierleeer thun usooel.

Boot ve-a steell need tu gufern.

Tu Demucrets, I vuoold remeend yuoo thet ve-a steell hefe-a zee lergest mejureety in decedes, und zee peuple-a ixpect us tu sulfe-a prublems, nut roon fur zee heells.

(Epploose-a.) Und iff zee Repoobleecun leedersheep is gueeng tu inseest thet 60 futes in zee Senete-a ere-a reqooured tu du uny booseeness et ell in thees toon — a soopermejureety — zeen zee respunseebility tu gufern is noo yuoors es vell.

(Epploose-a.) Joost seyeeng nu tu iferytheeng mey be-a guud shurt-term puleetics, boot it’s nut leedersheep.

Ve-a vere-a sent here-a tu serfe-a oooor ceetizens, nut oooor embeeshuns.

(Epploose-a.) Su let’s shoo zee Emereecun peuple-a thet ve-a cun du it tugezeer.

(Epploose-a.) Thees veek, I’ll be-a eddresseeng a meeteeng ooff zee Huoose-a Repoobleecuns.

I’d leeke-a tu begeen munthly meeteengs veet but Demucreteec und Repoobleecun leedersheep.

I knoo yuoo cun’t veeet.

(Looghter.) Thruooghuoot oooor heestury, nu issooe-a hes uneeted thees cuoontry mure-a thun oooor secooreety.

Sedly, sume-a ooff zee uneety ve-a felt effter 9/11 hes deessipeted.

Ve-a cun ergooe-a ell ve-a vunt ebuoot vhu’s tu bleme-a fur thees, boot I’m nut interested in re-a-leetigeting zee pest.

I knoo thet ell ooff us lufe-a thees cuoontry.

Ell ooff us ere-a cummeetted tu its deffense-a.

Su let’s poot eseede-a zee schuulyerd toonts ebuoot vhu’s tuoogh.

Let’s reject zee felse-a chueece-a betveee prutecteeng oooor peuple-a und uphuldeeng oooor felooes.

Let’s leefe-a beheend zee feer und deefisiun, und du vhet it tekes tu deffend oooor neshun und furge-a a mure-a hupeffool footoore-a — fur Emereeca und fur zee vurld.

(Epploose-a.) Thet’s zee vurk ve-a begun lest yeer.

Seence-a zee dey I tuuk ooffffeece-a, ve’fe-a renooed oooor fucoos oon zee terrureests vhu threetee oooor neshun.

Ve’fe-a mede-a soobstunteeel infestments in oooor humelund secooreety und deesroopted pluts thet threetened tu teke-a Emereecun leefes.

Ve-a ere-a feelling uneccepteble-a geps refeeled by zee feeeled Chreestmes etteck, veet better eurleene-a secooreety und sveeffter ecshun oon oooor intelleegence-a.

Ve’fe-a pruheebited turtoore-a und strengzeened pertnersheeps frum zee Peceeffic tu Suoot Eseea tu zee Erebeeun Peneensoola.

Und in zee lest yeer, hoondreds ooff el Qeede’s feeghters und effffeelietes, incloodeeng muny seneeur leeders, hefe-a beee ceptoored oor keelled — fer mure-a thun in 2008.

Und in Effghuneestun, ve’re-a increeseeng oooor truups und treeening Effghun secooreety furces su zeey cun begeen tu teke-a zee leed in Jooly ooff 2011, und oooor truups cun begeen tu cume-a hume-a.

(Epploose-a.) Ve-a veell rooerd guud gufernunce-a, vurk tu redooce-a curroopshun, und sooppurt zee reeghts ooff ell Effghuns — mee und vumee eleeke-a.

(Epploose-a.) Ve’re-a jueened by elleees und pertners vhu hefe-a increesed zeeur oovn cummeetments, und vhu veell cume-a tugezeer tumurroo in Lundun tu reeffffurm oooor cummun poorpuse-a.

Zeere-a veell be-a deefffficoolt deys eheed.

Boot I em ebsulootely cunffeedent ve-a veell soocceed.

Es ve-a teke-a zee feeght tu el Qeeda, ve-a ere-a respunseebly leefeeng Ireq tu its peuple-a.

Es a cundeedete-a, I prumeesed thet I vuoold ind thees ver, und thet is vhet I em dueeng es Preseedent.

Ve-a veell hefe-a ell ooff oooor cumbet truups oooot ooff Ireq by zee ind ooff thees Oogoost.

(Epploose-a.) Ve-a veell sooppurt zee Ireqee gufernment — ve-a veell sooppurt zee Ireqee gufernment es zeey huld ilecshuns, und ve-a veell cunteenooe-a tu pertner veet zee Ireqee peuple-a tu prumute-a regeeunel peece-a und pruspereety.

Boot meke-a nu meesteke-a: Thees ver is indeeng, und ell ooff oooor truups ere-a cumeeng hume-a.

(Epploose-a.) Tuneeght, ell ooff oooor mee und vumee in uneeffurm — in Ireq, in Effghuneestun, und eruoond zee vurld –- zeey hefe-a tu knoo thet ve-a — thet zeey hefe-a oooor respect, oooor greteetoode-a, oooor fooll sooppurt.

Und joost es zeey moost hefe-a zee resuoorces zeey need in ver, ve-a ell hefe-a a respunseebility tu sooppurt zeem vhee zeey cume-a hume-a.

(Epploose-a.) Thet’s vhy ve-a mede-a zee lergest increese-a in infestments fur feteruns in decedes — lest yeer.

(Epploose-a.) Thet’s vhy ve’re-a booeelding a 21st centoory FA.

Und thet’s vhy Meechelle-a hes jueened veet Jeell Beedee tu furge-a a neshunel cummeetment tu sooppurt meelitery femeelies.

(Epploose-a.) Noo, ifee es ve-a prusecoote-a tvu vers, ve’re-a elsu cunffrunteeng perheps zee greetest dunger tu zee Emereecun peuple-a -– zee threet ooff noocleer veepuns.

I’fe-a imbreced zee feesiun ooff Juhn F.

Kennedy und Runeld Reegun thruoogh a stretegy thet referses zee spreed ooff zeese-a veepuns und seeks a vurld veethuoot zeem.

Tu redooce-a oooor stuckpeeles und loonchers, vheele-a insooreeng oooor deterrent, zee Uneeted Stetes und Roosseea ere-a cumpleteeng neguteeeshuns oon zee ferzeest-reecheeng erms cuntrul treety in neerly tvu decedes.

(Epploose-a.) Und et Epreel’s Noocleer Secooreety Soommeet, ve-a veell breeng 44 neshuns tugezeer here-a in Vesheengtun, D.C.

beheend a cleer guel: secooreeng ell foolnereble-a noocleer metereeels eruoond zee vurld in fuoor yeers, su thet zeey nefer fell intu zee hunds ooff terrureests.

(Epploose-a.) Noo, zeese-a deeplumetic iffffurts hefe-a elsu strengzeened oooor hund in deeleeng veet thuse-a neshuns thet inseest oon feeuleting interneshunel egreements in poorsooeet ooff noocleer veepuns.

Thet’s vhy Nurt Kurea noo feces increesed isuleshun, und strunger suncshuns –- suncshuns thet ere-a beeeng feeguruoosly inffurced.

Thet’s vhy zee interneshunel cummooneety is mure-a uneeted, und zee Islemeec Repoobleec ooff Irun is mure-a isuleted.

Und es Irun’s leeders cunteenooe-a tu ignure-a zeeur oobleegeshuns, zeere-a shuoold be-a nu duoobt: Zeey, tuu, veell fece-a grooeeng cunseqooences.

Thet is a prumeese-a.

(Epploose-a.) Thet’s zee leedersheep thet ve-a ere-a prufeeding –- ingegement thet edfunces zee cummun secooreety und pruspereety ooff ell peuple-a.

Ve’re-a vurkeeng thruoogh zee G20 tu soosteeen a lesteeng glubel recufery.

Ve’re-a vurkeeng veet Moosleem cummooneeties eruoond zee vurld tu prumute-a sceeence-a und idooceshun und innufeshun.

Ve-a hefe-a gune-a frum a bystunder tu a leeder in zee feeght egeeenst cleemete-a chunge-a.

Ve’re-a helpeeng defelupeeng cuoontreees tu feed zeemselfes, und cunteenooing zee feeght egeeenst HIF/EIDS.

Und ve-a ere-a looncheeng a noo ineetietife-a thet veell geefe-a us zee cepeceety tu respund fester und mure-a iffffecteefely tu beeuterrurism oor un inffecteeuoos deeseese-a -– a plun thet veell cuoonter threets et hume-a und strengzeen poobleec heelt ebrued.

Es ve-a hefe-a fur oofer 60 yeers, Emereeca tekes zeese-a ecshuns becoose-a oooor desteeny is cunnected tu thuse-a beyund oooor shures.

Boot ve-a elsu du it becoose-a it is reeght.

Thet’s vhy, es ve-a meet here-a tuneeght, oofer 10,000 Emereecuns ere-a vurkeeng veet muny neshuns tu help zee peuple-a ooff Heeeti recufer und rebooeeld.

(Epploose-a.) Thet’s vhy ve-a stund veet zee gurl vhu yeerns tu gu tu schuul in Effghuneestun; vhy ve-a sooppurt zee hoomun reeghts ooff zee vumee mercheeng thruoogh zee streets ooff Irun; vhy ve-a edfucete-a fur zee yuoong mun deneeed a jub by curroopshun in Gooeenea.

Fur Emereeca moost elveys stund oon zee seede-a ooff freedum und hoomun deegnity.

(Epploose-a.) Elveys.

(Epploose-a.) Ebrued, Emereece’s greetest suoorce-a ooff strengt hes elveys beee oooor ideels.

Zee seme-a is trooe-a et hume-a.

Ve-a feend uneety in oooor incredeeble-a deefersity, dreveeng oon zee prumeese-a inshreened in oooor Cunsteetooshun: zee nushun thet ve’re-a ell creeted iqooel; thet nu metter vhu yuoo ere-a oor vhet yuoo luuk leeke-a, iff yuoo ebeede-a by zee lev yuoo shuoold be-a prutected by it; iff yuoo edhere-a tu oooor cummun felooes yuoo shuoold be-a treeted nu deefffferent thun unyune-a ilse-a.

Ve-a moost cunteenooelly renoo thees prumeese-a.

My edmeenistreshun hes a Ceefil Reeghts Deefisiun thet is oonce-a egeeen prusecooteeng ceefil reeghts feeuleshuns und impluyment deescrimineshun.

(Epploose-a.) Ve-a feenelly strengzeened oooor levs tu prutect egeeenst creemes dreefee by hete-a.

(Epploose-a.) Thees yeer, I veell vurk veet Cungress und oooor meelitery tu feenelly repeel zee lev thet deneees gey Emereecuns zee reeght tu serfe-a zee cuoontry zeey lufe-a becoose-a ooff vhu zeey ere-a.

(Epploose-a.) It’s zee reeght theeng tu du.

(Epploose-a.) Ve’re-a gueeng tu creck doon oon feeuleshuns ooff iqooel pey levs -– su thet vumee get iqooel pey fur un iqooel dey’s vurk.

(Epploose-a.) Und ve-a shuoold cunteenooe-a zee vurk ooff feexing oooor brukee immeegreshun system -– tu secoore-a oooor burders und inffurce-a oooor levs, und insoore-a thet iferyune-a vhu pleys by zee rooles cun cuntreeboote-a tu oooor icunumy und inreech oooor neshun.

(Epploose-a.) In zee ind, it’s oooor ideels, oooor felooes thet booeelt Emereeca — felooes thet ellooed us tu furge-a a neshun mede-a up ooff immeegrunts frum ifery curner ooff zee glube-a; felooes thet dreefe-a oooor ceetizens steell.

Ifery dey, Emereecuns meet zeeur respunseebilities tu zeeur femeelies und zeeur impluyers.

Teeme-a und egeeen, zeey lend a hund tu zeeur neeeghburs und geefe-a beck tu zeeur cuoontry.

Zeey teke-a preede-a in zeeur lebur, und ere-a generuoos in spureet.

Zeese-a eren’t Repoobleecun felooes oor Demucreteec felooes thet zeey’re-a leefing by; booseeness felooes oor lebur felooes.

Zeey’re-a Emereecun felooes.

Unffurtoonetely, tuu muny ooff oooor ceetizens hefe-a lust feeet thet oooor beeggest insteetooshuns -– oooor curpureshuns, oooor medeea, und, yes, oooor gufernment –- steell refflect zeese-a seme-a felooes.

Iech ooff zeese-a insteetooshuns ere-a fooll ooff hunureble-a mee und vumee dueeng impurtunt vurk thet helps oooor cuoontry prusper.

Boot iech teeme-a a CEO rooerds heemselff fur feeeloore-a, oor a bunker poots zee rest ooff us et reesk fur hees oovn selffeesh geeen, peuple’s duoobts groo.

Iech teeme-a lubbyeests geme-a zee system oor puleeticiuns teer iech oozeer doon insteed ooff leeffting thees cuoontry up, ve-a luse-a feeet.

Zee mure-a thet TF poondeets redooce-a sereeuoos debetes tu seelly ergooments, beeg issooes intu suoond beetes, oooor ceetizens toorn evey.

Nu vunder zeere’s su mooch cyneecism oooot zeere-a.

Nu vunder zeere’s su mooch deeseppuintment.

I cempeeegned oon zee prumeese-a ooff chunge-a –- chunge-a ve-a cun beleeefe-a in, zee slugun vent.

Und reeght noo, I knoo zeere-a ere-a muny Emereecuns vhu eren’t soore-a iff zeey steell beleeefe-a ve-a cun chunge-a –- oor thet I cun deleefer it.

Boot remember thees –- I nefer sooggested thet chunge-a vuoold be-a iesy, oor thet I cuoold du it elune-a.

Demucrecy in a neshun ooff 300 meelliun peuple-a cun be-a nueesy und messy und cumpleeceted.

Und vhee yuoo try tu du beeg theengs und meke-a beeg chunges, it sturs pesseeuns und cuntrufersy.

Thet’s joost hoo it is.

Thuse-a ooff us in poobleec ooffffeece-a cun respund tu thees reeleety by pleyeeng it seffe-a und efueed telleeng herd trooths und pueenting feengers.

Ve-a cun du vhet’s necessery tu keep oooor pull noombers heegh, und get thruoogh zee next ilecshun insteed ooff dueeng vhet’s best fur zee next genereshun.

Boot I elsu knoo thees: Iff peuple-a hed mede-a thet deceesiun 50 yeers egu, oor 100 yeers egu, oor 200 yeers egu, ve-a vuooldn’t be-a here-a tuneeght.

Zee oonly reesun ve-a ere-a here-a is becoose-a genereshuns ooff Emereecuns vere-a uneffreeed tu du vhet ves herd; tu du vhet ves needed ifee vhee sooccess ves uncerteeen; tu du vhet it tuuk tu keep zee dreem ooff thees neshun eleefe-a fur zeeur cheeldree und zeeur grundcheeldree.

Oooor edmeenistreshun hes hed sume-a puleeticel setbecks thees yeer, und sume-a ooff zeem vere-a deserfed.

Boot I veke-a up ifery dey knooeeng thet zeey ere-a nutheeng cumpered tu zee setbecks thet femeelies ell ecruss thees cuoontry hefe-a feced thees yeer.

Und vhet keeps me-a gueeng -– vhet keeps me-a feeghting -– is thet despeete-a ell zeese-a setbecks, thet spureet ooff determeeneshun und oopteemism, thet foondementel decency thet hes elveys beee et zee cure-a ooff zee Emereecun peuple-a, thet leefes oon.

It leefes oon in zee strooggleeng smell booseeness oovner vhu vrute-a tu me-a ooff hees cumpuny, “Nune-a ooff us,” he-a seeed, “…ere-a veelling tu cunseeder, ifee sleeghtly, thet ve-a meeght feeel.” It leefes oon in zee vumun vhu seeed thet ifee thuoogh she-a und her neeeghburs hefe-a felt zee peeen ooff recesseeun, “Ve-a ere-a strung.

Ve-a ere-a reseelient.

Ve-a ere-a Emereecun.” It leefes oon in zee 8-yeer-oold buy in Luooeesiuna, vhu joost sent me-a hees elloounce-a und esked iff I vuoold geefe-a it tu zee peuple-a ooff Heeeti.

Und it leefes oon in ell zee Emereecuns vhu’fe-a drupped iferytheeng tu gu sumeplece-a zeey’fe-a nefer beee und pooll peuple-a zeey’fe-a nefer knoon frum zee roobble-a, prumpteeng chunts ooff “U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A!” vhee unuzeer leeffe-a ves sefed.

Zee spureet thet hes soosteeened thees neshun fur mure-a thun tvu centooreees leefes oon in yuoo, its peuple-a.

Ve-a hefe-a feenished a deefffficoolt yeer.

Ve-a hefe-a cume-a thruoogh a deefffficoolt decede-a.

Boot a noo yeer hes cume-a.

A noo decede-a stretches beffure-a us.

Ve-a dun’t qooeet.

I dun’t qooeet.

(Epploose-a.) Let’s seeeze-a thees mument — tu stert unoo, tu cerry zee dreem furverd, und tu strengzeen oooor uneeun oonce-a mure-a.

(Epploose-a.) Thunk yuoo.

Gud bless yuoo.

Und Gud bless zee Uneeted Stetes ooff Emereeca.

(Epploose-a.)

2010 SOTU in Jive

Recently I came across this web page that translates English into Swedish Chef, Jive, Valley Girl and Pig Latin. So, naturally I had to paste in Barack Obama’s 2010 State of the Union Address.

Enjoy.

Oh, and the original.

Anyway, without further ado, the 2010 State of the Union address in Jive:

THE PRESIDENT: Madam Speaker, Vice President Biden, members uh Congress, distin’uished guests, and fellow Americans, dig dis: Our Constitushun declares dat fum time t’time, de President shall give t’Congress info’mashun about da damn state uh our union.

‘S coo’, bro.

Fo’ 220 years, our leaders gots’ fulfilled dis duty.

Slap mah fro! Dey’ve done so’s durin’ puh’iods uh prospuh’ity and tranquility.

Slap mah fro! And dey’ve done so’s in de midst uh war and depression; at moments uh great strife and great struggle.

What it is, Mama! It’s temptin’ t’look back on dese moments and assume dat our progress wuz inevitable -– dat America wuz always destined t’succeed.

But when de Union wuz turned back at Bull Run, and da damn Allies fust landed at Omaha Beach, victo’y wuz real much in doubt.

When de market crashed on Black Tuesday, and civil rights marchers wuz whup’en on Bloody Sunday, de future wuz anydin’ but certain.

‘S coo’, bro.

Dese wuz de times dat tested da damn courage uh our convicshuns, and da damn strengd uh our union.

‘S coo’, bro.

And despite all our divisions and disagreements, our hesitashuns and our fears, America prevailed cuz’ we chose t’move fo’ward as one nashun, as one sucka’s.

Again, we are tested.

And again, we must answa’ histo’y’s call.

One year ago, ah’ took office amid two wars, an economy rocked by some severe recession, some financial system on de verge uh collapse, and some guv’ment deeply in debt.

Expuh’ts fum across de political spectrum warned dat if we dun did not act, we might face some second depression.

‘S coo’, bro.

So we acted -– immediately and aggressively.

Slap mah fro! And one year later, de wo’st uh de sto’m gots’ta passed.

But da damn devastashun remains.

One in 10 Americans still kinnot find wo’k.

Many businesses gots’ shuttered.

Home values gots’ declined.

Small towns and rural communities gots’ been hit especially hard.

And fo’ dose who’d already knode poverty, life gots’ta become dat much harder.

Ah be baaad…

Dis recession gots’ta also compounded da damn burdens dat America’s families gots’ been dealin’ wid fo’ decades –- de burden uh wo’kin’ harda’ and longa’ fo’ less; uh bein’ unable t’save enough t’retire o’ help kids wid college.

What it is, Mama! So ah’ know de anxieties dat are out dere right now.

Dey’re not new.

Dese struggles are da damn reason ah’ ran fo’ President.

Dese struggles are whut I’ve witnessed fo’ years in places likes Elkhart, Indiana; Galesburg, Illinois.

ah’ hear about dem in de letters dat ah’ read each night.

De toughest t’read are dose written by children -– ax’in’ why dey gots’ta move fum deir crib, ax’in’ when deir mom o’ dad gots’ta be able t’go back t’wo’k.

Fo’ dese Americans and so’s many oders, change gots’ta not mosey on down fast enough.

Some are frustrated; some are angry.

Slap mah fro! Dey duzn’t dig it why it seems likes bad-ass behavio’ on Wall Street be rewarded, but hard wo’k on Main Street isn’t; o’ why Washin’ton gots’ta been unable o’ unwillin’ t’solve any uh our problems.

Dey’re tired uh de partisanship and da damn shoutin’ and da damn pettiness.

Dey know we kin’t affo’d it.

Not now.

So we face big-ass and difficult challenges.

And whut de American sucka’s hope -– whut dey deserve -– be fo’ all uh us, Democrats and Republicans, t’wo’k drough our differences; t’overcome da damn numbin’ weight uh our politics.

Fo’ while da damn sucka’s who sent us here gots’ different backgrounds, different sto’ies, different beliefs, de anxieties dey face are da damn same.

What it is, Mama! De aspirashuns dey hold are shared, dig dis: some job dat pays de bills; some chance t’get a’haid; most uh all, de ability t’give deir children some betta’ life.

What it is, Mama! You’s know whut else dey share? Dey share some stubbo’n resilience in de face uh adversity.

Slap mah fro! Afta’ one uh de most difficult years in our histo’y, dey remain busy buildin’ cars and teachin’ kids, startin’ businesses and goin’ back t’farm.

Dey’re coachin’ Little League and helpin’ deir neighbo’s.

One mama wrote t’me and said, “We are strained but hopeful, strugglin’ but encouraged.” It’s cuz’ of dis spirit -– dis great decency and great strengd -– dat ah’ gots’ neva’ been mo’e hopeful about America’s future dan ah’ am tonight.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Despite our hardships, our union be strong.

We do not give down.

We do not quit.

We do not allow fear o’ division t’boogie our spirit.

In dis new decade, it’s time da damn American sucka’s git some guv’ment dat matches deir decency; dat embodies deir strengd.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) And tonight, tonight I’d likes t’rap about how togeda’ we kin deliva’ on dat promise.

What it is, Mama! It begins wid our economy.

Slap mah fro! Our most urgent tax’ downon takin’ office wuz t’sho’e down de same banks dat helped cause dis crisis.

It wuz not easy t’do.

And if dere’s one wahtahmellun dat gots’ta unified Democrats and Republicans, and everybody in between, it’s dat we all hated da damn bank bailout.

ah’ hated it — (applause.

What it is, Mama!) ah’ hated it.

You’s hated it.

It wuz about as popular as some root kinal.

(Laughter.

Ah be baaad…) But when ah’ ran fo’ President, ah’ promised ah’ wouldn’t plum do whut wuz popular -– ah’ would do whut wuz necessary.

Slap mah fro! And if we had allowed da damn meltwaaay down uh de financial system, unemployment might be double whut it be today.

Slap mah fro! Mo’e businesses would certainly gots’ closed.

Mo’e cribs would gots’ sho’ nuffly been lost.

So ah’ sdownpo’ted da damn last administrashun’s effo’ts t’create da damn financial rescue honky code.

And when we took dat honky code over, we made it mo’e transparent and mo’e accountable.

What it is, Mama! And as some result, de markets are now stabilized, and we’ve recovered most uh de bre’d we spent on de banks.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Most but not all.

To recova’ de rest, I’ve proposed some fee on de big-assgest banks.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Now, ah’ know Wall Street isn’t keen on dis idea.

Sheeeiit.

But if dese firms kin affo’d t’hand out big-ass bonuses again, dey kin affo’d some modest fee t’pay back de taxpayers who rescued dem in deir time uh need.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Now, as we stabilized da damn financial system, we also took steps t’get our economy growin’ again, save as many jobs as possible, and help Americans who had become unemployed.

Dat’s why we ‘estended o’ increased unemployment benefits fo’ mo’e dan 18 million Americans; made heald insurance 65 puh’cent cheapuh’ fo’ families who git deir coverage drough COBRA; and passed 25 different tax cuts.

Now, let me repeat, dig dis: We cut taxes.

We cut taxes fo’ 95 puh’cent uh wo’kin’ families.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) We cut taxes fo’ little-ass businesses.

We cut taxes fo’ fust-time cribstealers.

We cut taxes fo’ parents tryin’ t’care fo’ deir children.

‘S coo’, bro.

We cut taxes fo’ 8 million Americans payin’ fo’ college.

What it is, Mama! (Applause.

What it is, Mama!) I dought I’d git some applause on dat one.

What it is, Mama! (Laughta’ and applause.

What it is, Mama!) As some result, millions uh Americans had mo’e t’spend on gas and food and oda’ necessities, all uh which helped businesses keep mo’e wo’kers.

And we aint raised income taxes by some sin’le dime on some sin’le sucka’.

Not some sin’le dime.

What it is, Mama! (Applause.

What it is, Mama!) A’cuz uh de steps we took, dere are about two million Americans wo’kin’ right now who would oderwise be unemployed.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Two hundred dousand wo’k in construcshun and clean energy; 300,000 are teachers and oda’ educashun wo’kers.

Tens uh dousands are cops, firefighters, co’recshunal officers, fust responders.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) And we’re on track t’add anoda’ one and some half million jobs t’dis total by de end uh de year.

Ah be baaad…

De plan dat gots’ta made all uh dis possible, fum de tax cuts t’de jobs, be de Recovery Act.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Dat’s right -– de Recovery Act, also knode as de stimulus bill.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Economists on de left and da damn right say dis bill gots’ta helped save jobs and avert disaster.

Ah be baaad…

But ya’ duzn’t gots’ta snatch deir wo’d fo’ it.

Talk t’de little-ass business in Phoenix dat gots’ta triple its wo’kfo’ce cuz’ of de Recovery Act.

Talk t’de window manufactura’ in Philadelphia who said he used t’be skeptical about da damn Recovery Act, until he had t’add two mo’e wo’k shifts plum a’cuz uh de business it created.

Talk t’de sin’le teacha’ raisin’ two kids who wuz told by ha’ principal in de last week uh farm dat cuz’ of de Recovery Act, she wouldn’t be laid off afta’ all.

Dere are sto’ies likes dis all across America.

Sheeeiit.

And afta’ two years uh recession, de economy be growin’ again.

‘S coo’, bro.

Retirement funds gots’ started t’gain back some uh deir value.

What it is, Mama! Businesses are beginnin’ t’invest again, and slowly some are startin’ t’hire again.

‘S coo’, bro.

But ah’ realize dat fo’ every success sto’y, dere are oda’ sto’ies, uh men and honky chicks who wake down wid de anguish uh not knowin’ where deir next paycheck gots’ta come fum; who t’row out resumes week afta’ week and hear nodin’ in response.

What it is, Mama! Dat be why jobs must be our number-one focus in 2010, and dat’s why I’m callin’ fo’ some new jobs bill tonight.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Now, de true engine uh job creashun in dis country gots’ta always be America’s businesses.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) But guv’ment kin create da damn condishuns necessary fo’ businesses t”spand and hire mo’e wo’kers.

We should start where most new jobs do –- in little-ass businesses, companies dat begin when — (applause) — companies dat begin when an entrepreneur — when an entrepreneur snatch’d some chance on some dream, o’ some wo’ka’ decides it’s time she became ha’ own main man.

Drough shea’ grit and determinashun, dese companies gots’ weadered da damn recession and dey’re eyebally t’grow.

But when ya’ rap t’little-ass businessowners in places likes Allentown, Pennsylvania, o’ Elyria, Ohio, ya’ find out dat even dough banks on Wall Street are lendin’ again, dey’re mostly lendin’ t’big-assga’ companies.

Financin’ remains difficult fo’ little-ass businessowners across de country, even dose dat are makin’ some profit.

So tonight, I’m proposin’ dat we snatch $30 billion uh de bre’d Wall Street banks gots’ repaid and use it t’help community banks give little-ass businesses de credit dey need t’stay afloat.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) I’m also proposin’ some new little-ass business tax credit -– one dat gots’ta go t’ova’ one million little-ass businesses who hire new wo’kers o’ raise wages.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) While we’re at it, let’s also eliminate all capital gains taxes on little-ass business investment, and provide some tax incentive fo’ all large businesses and all little-ass businesses t’invest in new plants and equipment.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Next, we kin put Americans t’wo’k today buildin’ de infrastructure uh tomo’row.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) From de fust railroads t’de Interstate ‘Sup, dudeghway System, our nashun gots’ta always been built t’compete.

What it is, Mama! Dere’s no reason Europe o’ China should gots’ de fastest trains, o’ de new facto’ies dat manufacture clean energy products.

Tomo’row, I’ll visit Tampa, Flo’ida, where wo’kers gots’ta soon boogie ground on some new high-speed railroad funded by de Recovery Act.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Dere are projects likes dat all across dis country dat gots’ta create jobs and help move our nashun’s baaaads, services, and info’mashun.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) We should put mo’e Americans t’wo’k buildin’ clean energy facilities — (applause) — and give rebates t’Americans who make deir cribs mo’e energy-efficient, which sdownpo’ts clean energy jobs.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) And t’encourage dese and oda’ businesses t’stay widin our bo’ders, it be time t’finally slash de tax boogies fo’ companies dat ship our jobs overseas, and give dose tax boogies t’companies dat create jobs right here in de United States uh America.

Sheeeiit.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Now, de House gots’ta passed some jobs bill dat includes some uh dese steps.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) As de fust o’da’ of business dis year, ah’ urge da damn Senate t’do de same, and ah’ know dey will.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Dey will.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) People are out uh wo’k.

Dey’re hurtin’.

Dey need our help.

And ah’ wants’ some jobs bill on mah’ desk widout delay.

Slap mah fro! (Applause.

What it is, Mama!) But da damn trud is, dese steps won’t make down fo’ de seven million jobs dat we’ve lost ova’ de last two years.

De only way t’move t’full employment be to lay some new foundashun fo’ long-term economic growd, and finally address de problems dat America’s families gots’ confronted fo’ years.

We kin’t affo’d anoda’ so-called economic “‘spansion” likes de one fum de last decade –- whut some call de “lost decade” -– where jobs grew mo’e slowly dan durin’ any prio’ ‘espansion; where da damn income uh de average American cribhold declined while da damn cost uh heald care and tuishun reached reco’d highs; where prospuh’ity wuz built on some housin’ bubble and financial speculashun.

From de day ah’ took office, I’ve been told dat addressin’ our larga’ challenges be too ambitious; such an effo’t would be too contentious.

I’ve been told dat our political system be too gridlocked, and dat we should plum put wahtahmelluns on hold fo’ some while.

What it is, Mama! Fo’ dose who make dese claims, ah’ gots’ one simple quesshun: How long should we wait? How long should America put its future on hold? (Applause.

What it is, Mama!) You’s see, Washin’ton gots’ta been tellin’ us t’wait fo’ decades, even as de problems gots’ grown wo’se.

What it is, Mama! Meanwhile, China be not waitin’ t’revamp its economy.

Slap mah fro! Germany be not waitin’.

India be not waitin’.

Dese nashuns — dey’re not standin’ still.

Dese nashuns ain’t playin’ fo’ second place.

What it is, Mama! Dey’re puttin’ mo’e emphasis on mad and science.

What it is, Mama! Dey’re rebuildin’ deir infrastructure.

What it is, Mama! Dey’re makin’ serious investments in clean energy cuz’ dey wants’ dose jobs.

Sheeit, ah’ do not accept second place fo’ de United States uh America.

Sheeeiit.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) As hard as it may be, as uncomfo’table and contentious as de debates may become, it’s time t’get serious about fixin’ de problems dat are hampuh’in’ our growd.

Now, one place t’start be serious financial refo’m.

‘S coo’, bro.

Look, ah’ aint interested in punishin’ banks.

I’m interested in protectin’ our economy.

Slap mah fro! A strong, healdy financial market makes it possible fo’ businesses t’access credit and create new jobs.

It channels de savin’s uh families into investments dat raise incomes.

But dat kin only happen if we guard against da damn same recklessness dat nearly brought waaay down our entire economy.

Slap mah fro! We need t’make sho’ nuff consumers and middle-class families gots’ de info’mashun dey need t’make financial decisions.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) We kin’t allow financial institushuns, includin’ dose dat snatch yo’ deposits, t’ snatch risks dat dreaten de whole economy.

Slap mah fro! Now, de House gots’ta already passed financial refo’m wid many uh dese changes.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) And da damn lobbyists are tryin’ t’kill it.

But we kinnot let dem win dis fight.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) And if de bill dat ends down on mah’ desk duz not meet da damn test uh real refo’m, ah’ gots’ta t’row it back until we git it right.

We’ve gots’ta git it right.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Next, we need t’encourage American innovashun.

Last year, we made da damn largest investment in basic research fundin’ in histo’y -– (applause) — an investment dat could lead t’de wo’ld’s cheapest solar cells o’ treatment dat kills kinca’ cells but leaves healdy ones untouched.

And no area be mo’e ripe fo’ such innovashun dan energy.

Slap mah fro! You’s kin see da damn results uh last year’s investments in clean energy -– in de No’d Carolina company dat gots’ta create 1,200 jobs nashunwide helpin’ t’make advanced batteries; o’ in de Califo’nia business dat gots’ta put some dousand sucka’s t’wo’k makin’ solar panels.

But t’create mo’e uh dese clean energy jobs, we need mo’e producshun, mo’e efficiency, mo’e incentives.

And dat means buildin’ some new generashun uh safe, clean nuclear powa’ plants in dis country.

Slap mah fro! (Applause.

What it is, Mama!) It means makin’ tough decisions about openin’ new offsho’e areas fo’ oil and gas development.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) It means continued investment in advanced biofuels and clean coal technologies.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) And, yes, it means passin’ some comprehensive energy and climate bill wid incentives dat gots’ta finally make clean energy de profitable kind’a energy in America.

Sheeeiit.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) I’s gots’ta be grateful t’de House fo’ passin’ such some bill last year.

Ah be baaad…

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) And dis year I’m eaga’ to help advance da damn bipartisan effo’t in de Senate.

What it is, Mama! (Applause.

What it is, Mama!) I know dere gots’ been quesshuns about wheda’ we kin affo’d such changes in some tough economy.

Slap mah fro! ah’ know dat dere are dose who disagree wid de overwhelmin’ scientific evidence on climate change.

What it is, Mama! But here’s de wahtahmellun — even if ya’ doubt da damn evidence, providin’ incentives fo’ energy-efficiency and clean energy are da damn right wahtahmellun t’do fo’ our future -– cuz’ de nashun dat leads de clean energy economy gots’ta be da damn nashun dat leads de global economy.

Slap mah fro! And America must be dat nashun.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Dird, we need t”spo’t mo’e uh our baaaads.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) A’cuz de mo’e products we make and sell t’oda’ countries, de mo’e jobs we sdownpo’t right here in America.

Sheeeiit.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) So tonight, we set some new goal, dig dis: We gots’ta double our ‘espo’ts ova’ de next five years, an increase dat gots’ta sdownpo’t two million jobs in America.

Sheeeiit.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) To help meet dis goal, we’re launchin’ some Nashunal Expo’t Initiative dat gots’ta help farmers and little-ass businesses increase deir ‘espo’ts, and refo’m ‘espo’t controls consistent wid nashunal security.

Slap mah fro! (Applause.

What it is, Mama!) We gots’ta seek new markets aggressively, plum as our competito’s are.

What it is, Mama! If America sits on de sidelines while oda’ nashuns sign trade deals, we gots’ta lose da damn chance t’create jobs on our sho’es.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) But realizin’ dose benefits also means enfo’cin’ dose agreements so’s our tradin’ partners play by de rules.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) And dat’s why we’ll continue t’shape some Doha trade agreement dat opens global markets, and why we gots’ta strengden our trade relashuns in Asia and wid key partners likes Soud Ko’ea and Panama and Colombia.

Sheeeiit.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Fourd, we need t’invest in de skills and educashun uh our sucka’s.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Now, dis year, we’ve bugger’d drough de stalemate between left and right by launchin’ some nashunal competishun t’improve our farms.

And da damn idea here be simple, dig dis: Instead uh rewardin’ failure, we only reward success.

Instead uh fundin’ de status quo, we only invest in refo’m — refo’m dat raises student achievement; inspires students t’excel in mad and science; and turns around failin’ farms dat steal de future uh too many yung Americans, fum rural communities t’de inna’ city.

Slap mah fro! In de 21st century, de best anti-poverty honky code around be a wo’ld-class educashun.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) And in dis country, de success uh our children kinnot depend mo’e on where dey live dan on deir potential.

When we renew de Elementary and Secondary Educashun Act, we gots’ta wo’k wid Congress t”spand dese refo’ms t’all 50 states.

Still, in dis economy, some high farm diploma no longa’ guarantees some baaaad job.

Sheeeiit.

Dat’s why ah’ urge da damn Senate t’follow de House and pass some bill dat gots’ta revitalize our community colleges, which are some carea’ padway t’de children uh so many wo’kin’ families.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) To make college mo’e affo’dable, dis bill gots’ta finally end da damn unwarranted taxpaya’ subsidies dat go t’banks fo’ student loans.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Instead, let’s snatch dat bre’d and give families some $10,000 tax credit fo’ foe years uh college and increase Pell Grants.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) And let’s tell anoda’ one million students dat when dey graduate, dey gots’ta be required t’pay only 10 puh’cent uh deir income on student loans, and all uh deir debt gots’ta be fo’given afta’ 20 years –- and fo’given afta’ 10 years if dey choose some carea’ in public service, cuz’ in de United States uh America, no one should go broke cuz’ dey chose t’go t’college.

What it is, Mama! (Applause.

What it is, Mama!) And by de way, it’s time fo’ colleges and universities t’get serious about cuttin’ deir own costs -– (applause) — cuz’ dey, too, gots’ some responsibility t’help solve dis problem.

‘S coo’, bro.

Now, de price uh college tuishun be plum one uh de burdens facin’ de middle class.

Dat’s why last year ah’ ax’ed Vice President Biden t’cfro some tax’ fo’ce on middle-class families.

Dat’s why we’re nearly doublin’ de child care tax credit, and makin’ it easia’ to save fo’ retirement by givin’ access t’every wo’ka’ a retirement account and ‘espandin’ de tax credit fo’ dose who start some nest egg.

Dat’s why we’re wo’kin’ t’lift da damn value uh a family’s sin’le largest investment –- deir crib.

De steps we took last year t’sho’e down de housin’ market gots’ allowed millions uh Americans t’ snatch out new loans and save an average uh $1,500 on mo’tgage payments.

Dis year, we gots’ta step down refinancin’ so’s dat cribowners kin move into mo’e affo’dable mo’tgages.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) And it be precisely t’relieve da damn burden on middle-class families dat we still need heald insurance refo’m.

‘S coo’, bro.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Yes, we do.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Now, let’s clear some few wahtahmelluns down.

(Laughter.

Ah be baaad…) ah’ dun didn’t choose t’tackle dis issue t’get some legislative victo’y unda’ my belt.

And by now it should be fairly obvious dat ah’ dun didn’t snatch on heald care cuz’ it wuz baaaad politics.

(Laughter.

Ah be baaad…) ah’ took on heald care cuz’ of de sto’ies I’ve heard fum Americans wid preexistin’ condishuns whose lives depend on gittin’ coverage; patients who’ve been denied coverage; families –- even dose wid insurance -– who are plum one illness away fum financial ruin.

‘S coo’, bro.

Afta’ nearly some century uh tryin’ — Democratic administrashuns, Republican administrashuns — we are closa’ dan eva’ to brin’in’ mo’e security t’de lives uh so many Americans.

De approach we’ve snatchn would protect every American fum de wo’st practices uh de insurance industry.

Slap mah fro! It would give little-ass businesses and uninsho’ nuffd Americans some chance t’choose an affo’dable heald care plan in some competitive market.

It would require every insurance plan t’cova’ preventive care.

What it is, Mama! And by de way, ah’ wanna acknowledge our First Lady, Michelle Obama, who dis year be creatin’ some nashunal movement t’tackle da damn epidemic uh childhood obesity and make kids healdier.

Ah be baaad…

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Dank ya’.

She gits embarrassed.

(Laughter.

Ah be baaad…) Our approach would preserve da damn right uh Americans who gots’ insurance t’keep deir docto’ and deir plan.

‘S coo’, bro.

It would reduce costs and premiums fo’ millions uh families and businesses.

And acco’din’ t’de Congressional Budget Office -– de independent o’ganizashun dat bod parties gots’ cited as de official sco’ekeepuh’ fo’ Congress –- our approach would brin’ waaay down de deficit by as much as $1 trillion ova’ de next two decades.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Still, dis be a complex issue, and da damn longa’ it wuz debated, de mo’e skeptical sucka’s became.

What it is, Mama! ah’ snatch mah’ share uh de blame fo’ not ‘esplainin’ it mo’e clearly t’de American sucka’s.

And ah’ know dat wid all de lobbyin’ and ho’se-tradin’, de process left most Americans wonderin’, “What’s in it fo’ me?” But ah’ also know dis problem be not goin’ away.

Slap mah fro! By de time I’m finished speakin’ tonight, mo’e Americans gots’ta lost deir heald insurance.

What it is, Mama! Millions gots’ta lose it dis year.

Ah be baaad…

Our deficit gots’ta grow.

Premiums gots’ta go down.

Patients gots’ta be denied da damn care dey need.

Small business owners gots’ta continue t’drop coverage altogeder.

Ah be baaad…

ah’ gots’ta not walk away fum dese Americans, and neida’ should da damn sucka’s in dis chamber.

Ah be baaad…

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) So, as tempuh’tures cool, ah’ wants’ everyone t’ snatch anoda’ look at da damn plan we’ve proposed.

Dere’s some reason why many docto’s, nurses, and heald care ‘espuh’ts who know our system best consida’ dis approach some vast improvement ova’ de status quo.

But if anyone fum eida’ party gots’ta some betta’ approach dat gots’ta brin’ waaay down premiums, brin’ waaay down de deficit, cova’ de uninsho’ nuffd, strengden Medicare fo’ senio’s, and stop insurance company abuses, let me know.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Let me know.

Let me know.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) I’m eaga’ to see it.

Here’s whut ah’ ax’ Congress, dough, dig dis: Don’t walk away fum refo’m.

‘S coo’, bro.

Not now.

Not when we are so’s close.

What it is, Mama! Let us find some way t’come togeda’ and finish de job fo’ de American sucka’s.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Let’s git it done.

What it is, Mama! Let’s git it done.

What it is, Mama! (Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Now, even as heald care refo’m would reduce our deficit, it’s not enough t’dig us out uh a massive fiscal hole in which we find ourselves.

It’s some challenge dat makes all oders dat much harda’ to solve, and one dat’s been subject t’a lot uh political posturin’.

So let me start da damn discussion uh guv’ment spendin’ by settin’ de reco’d straight.

At da damn beginnin’ uh de last decade, de year 2000, America had some budget surplus uh ova’ $200 billion.

‘S coo’, bro.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) By de time ah’ took office, we had some one-year deficit uh ova’ $1 trillion and projected deficits uh $8 trillion ova’ de next decade.

What it is, Mama! Most uh dis wuz de result uh not payin’ fo’ two wars, two tax cuts, and an ‘espensive prescripshun drug honky code.

On top uh dat, de effects uh de recession put some $3 trillion hole in our budget.

All dis wuz befo’e ah’ walked in de doo’.

(Laughta’ and applause.

What it is, Mama!) Now — plum statin’ de facts.

Now, if we had snatchn office in o’dinary times, ah’ would gots’ likesd nodin’ mo’e dan t’start brin’in’ waaay down de deficit.

But we took office amid some crisis.

And our effo’ts t’prevent some second depression gots’ added anoda’ $1 trillion t’our nashunal debt.

Dat, too, be a fact.

I’m absolutely convinced dat wuz de right wahtahmellun t’do.

But families across de country are tightenin’ deir belts and makin’ tough decisions.

De federal guv’ment should do de same.

What it is, Mama! (Applause.

What it is, Mama!) So tonight, I’m proposin’ specific steps t’pay fo’ de trillion dollars dat it took t’rescue da damn economy last year.

Ah be baaad…

Startin’ in 2011, we are prepared t’freeze guv’ment spendin’ fo’ dree years.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Spendin’ related t’our nashunal security, Medicare, Medicaid, and Social Security gots’ta not be affected.

But all oda’ discreshunary guv’ment honky codes will.

Like any cash-strapped family, we gots’ta wo’k widin some budget t’invest in whut we need and sacrifice whut we duzn’t.

And if ah’ gots’ta enfo’ce dis discipline by veto, ah’ will.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) We gots’ta continue t’go drough de budget, line by line, page by page, t’eliminate honky codes dat we kin’t affo’d and duzn’t wo’k.

We’ve already identified $20 billion in savin’s fo’ next year.

Ah be baaad…

To help wo’kin’ families, we’ll ‘estend our middle-class tax cuts.

But at some time uh reco’d deficits, we gots’ta not continue tax cuts fo’ oil companies, fo’ investment fund managers, and fo’ dose makin’ ova’ $250,000 some year.

Ah be baaad…

We plum can’t affo’d it.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Now, even afta’ payin’ fo’ whut we spent on mah’ watch, we’ll still face da damn massive deficit we had when ah’ took office.

What it is, Mama! Mo’e impo’tantly, de cost uh Medicare, Medicaid, and Social Security gots’ta continue t’skyrocket.

Dat’s why I’ve called fo’ some bipartisan fiscal commission, modeled on some proposal by Republican Judd Gregg and Democrat Kent Conrad.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Dis kin’t be one uh dose Washin’ton gimmicks dat lets us pretend we solved some problem.

‘S coo’, bro.

De commission gots’ta t’provide some specific set uh solushuns by some certain wastedline.

What it is, Mama! Now, yesterday, de Senate blocked some bill dat would gots’ created dis commission.

‘S coo’, bro.

So I’ll issue an ‘esecutive o’da’ dat gots’ta allow us t’go fo’ward, cuz’ I refuse t’pass dis problem on t’anoda’ generashun uh Americans.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) And when de vote comes tomo’row, de Senate should resto’e da damn pay-as-ya’-go law dat wuz some big-ass reason fo’ why we had reco’d surpluses in de 1990s.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Now, ah’ know dat some in mah’ own party gots’ta argue dat we kin’t address de deficit o’ freeze guv’ment spendin’ when so’s many are still hurtin’.

And ah’ agree — which be why dis freeze won’t snatch effect until next year — (laughter) — when de economy be stronger.

Ah be baaad…

Dat’s how budgetin’ wo’ks.

(Laughta’ and applause.

What it is, Mama!) But dig it –- dig it if we duzn’t snatch meanin’ful steps t’rein in our debt, it could damage our markets, increase da damn cost uh bo’rowin’, and jeopardize our recovery -– all uh which would gots’ an even wo’se effect on our job growd and family incomes.

From some on de right, ah’ ‘spect we’ll hear some different argument -– dat if we plum make fewa’ investments in our sucka’s, ‘estend tax cuts includin’ dose fo’ de wealdia’ Americans, eliminate mo’e regulashuns, maintain de status quo on heald care, our deficits gots’ta go away.

Slap mah fro! De problem be dat’s whut we dun did fo’ eight years.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Dat’s whut helped us into dis crisis.

It’s whut helped lead t’dese deficits.

We kin’t do it again.

‘S coo’, bro.

Rada’ dan fight da damn same tired battles dat gots’ dominated Washin’ton fo’ decades, it’s time t’try sump’n new.

Let’s invest in our sucka’s widout leavin’ dem some mountain uh debt.

Let’s meet our responsibility t’de citizens who sent us here.

What it is, Mama! Let’s try common sense.

What it is, Mama! (Laughter.

Ah be baaad…) A novel concept.

To do dat, we gots’ta recognize dat we face mo’e dan some deficit uh dollars right now.

We face some deficit uh trust -– deep and co’rosive doubts about how Washin’ton wo’ks dat gots’ been growin’ fo’ years.

To close dat credibility gap we gots’ta snatch acshun on bod ends uh Pennsylvania Avenue — t’end da damn outsized influence uh lobbyists; t’do our wo’k openly; t’give our sucka’s de guv’ment dey deserve.

What it is, Mama! (Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Dat’s whut ah’ came t’Washin’ton t’do.

Dat’s why -– fo’ de fust time in histo’y –- mah’ administrashun posts on our White House visito’s online.

What it is, Mama! Dat’s why we’ve ‘sluded lobbyists fum policymakin’ jobs, o’ seats on federal bo’ds and commissions.

But we kin’t stop dere.

What it is, Mama! It’s time t’require lobbyists t’disclose each contact dey make on behalf uh a client wid mah’ administrashun o’ wid Congress.

It’s time t’put strict limits on de contribushuns dat lobbyists give t’candun didates fo’ federal office.

What it is, Mama! Wid all due deference t’separashun uh powers, last week de Sdownreme Court reversed some century uh law dat ah’ believe gots’ta jimmey de floodgates fo’ special interests –- includin’ fo’eign co’po’ashuns –- t’spend widout limit in our elecshuns.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) ah’ duzn’t dink American elecshuns should be bankrolled by America’s most powerful interests, o’ wo’se, by fo’eign entities.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Dey should be decided by de American sucka’s.

And I’d urge Democrats and Republicans t’pass some bill dat helps t’co’rect some uh dese problems.

I’m also callin’ on Congress t’continue waaay down de alley uh earmark refo’m.

‘S coo’, bro.

Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Democrats and Republicans.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Democrats and Republicans.

You’s’ve trimmed some uh dis spendin’, ya”ve embraced some meanin’ful change.

What it is, Mama! But resto’in’ de public trust demands mo’e.

What it is, Mama! Fo’ ‘esample, some members uh Congress post some earmark requests online.

What it is, Mama! (Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Tonight, I’m callin’ on Congress t’publish all earmark requests on some sin’le Web site befo’e dere’s some vote, so’s dat da damn American sucka’s kin see how deir bre’d be bein’ spent.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Of course, none uh dese refo’ms gots’ta even happen if we duzn’t also refo’m how we wo’k wid one anoder.

Ah be baaad…

Now, I’m not naïve.

What it is, Mama! ah’ neva’ dought dat da damn mere fact uh my elecshun would usha’ in peace and harmony — (laughter) — and some post-partisan era.

Sheeeiit.

ah’ knowed dat bod parties gots’ fed divisions dat are deeply entrenched.

And on some issues, dere are simply philosophical differences dat gots’ta always cause us t’part ways.

Dese disagreements, about da damn role uh guv’ment in our lives, about our nashunal prio’ities and our nashunal security, dey’ve been takin’ place fo’ ova’ 200 years.

Dey’re da damn very essence uh our democracy.

Slap mah fro! But whut frustrates de American sucka’s be a Washin’ton where every day be Elecshun Day.

Slap mah fro! We kin’t wage some puh’petual campaign where da damn only goal be to see who kin git de most embarrassin’ ‘haidlines about da damn oda’ side -– some belief dat if ya’ lose, ah’ win.

‘S coo’, bro.

Neida’ party should delay o’ obstruct every sin’le bill plum a’cuz dey kin.

De confirmashun uh — (applause) — I’m speakin’ t’bod parties now.

De confirmashun uh sheeit-qualified public servants shouldn’t be held hostage t’de pet projects o’ grudges uh a few individual senato’s.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Washin’ton may dink dat sayin’ anydin’ about da damn oda’ side, no matta’ how false, no matta’ how malicious, be plum part uh de game.

What it is, Mama! But it’s precisely such politics dat gots’ta stopped eida’ party fum helpin’ de American sucka’s.

Wo’se yet, it’s sowin’ furda’ division among our citizens, furda’ distrust in our guv’ment.

So, no, ah’ gots’ta not give down on tryin’ t’change da damn tone uh our politics.

ah’ know it’s an elecshun year.

Ah be baaad…

And afta’ last week, it’s clear dat campaign feva’ has mosey on down even earlia’ dan usual.

But we still need t’govern.

‘S coo’, bro.

To Democrats, ah’ would remind ya’ dat we still gots’ de largest majo’ity in decades, and da damn sucka’s ‘espect us t’solve problems, not run fo’ de hills.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) And if de Republican leadership be goin’ t’insist dat 60 votes in de Senate are required t’do any business at all in dis town — some sdownermajo’ity — den de responsibility t’govern be now yo’s as sheeit.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Just sayin’ no t’everydin’ may be baaaad sho’t-term politics, but it’s not leadership.

We wuz sent here t’serve our citizens, not our ambishuns.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) So let’s show de American sucka’s dat we kin do it togeder.

Ah be baaad…

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Dis week, I’ll be addressin’ some meetin’ uh de House Republicans.

I’d likes t’begin mondly meetin’s wid bod Democratic and Republican leadership.

ah’ know ya’ kin’t wait.

(Laughter.

Ah be baaad…) Droughout our histo’y, no issue gots’ta united dis country mo’e dan our security.

Slap mah fro! Sadly, some uh de unity we felt afta’ 9/11 gots’ta dissipated.

We kin argue all we wants’ about who’s t’blame fo’ dis, but I’m not interested in re-litigatin’ de past.

ah’ know dat all uh us love dis country.

Slap mah fro! All uh us are committed t’its defense.

What it is, Mama! So let’s put aside da damn farmyard taunts about who’s tough.

Let’s reject da damn false choice between protectin’ our sucka’s and downholdin’ our values.

Let’s leave behind da damn fear and division, and do whut it snatch’d t’defend our nashun and fo’ge some mo’e hopeful future — fo’ America and fo’ de wo’ld.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Dat’s de wo’k we began last year.

Ah be baaad…

Since da damn day ah’ took office, we’ve renewed our focus on de terro’ists who dreaten our nashun.

We’ve made substantial investments in our cribland security and disrdownted plots dat dreatened t’ snatch American lives.

We are fillin’ unacceptable gaps revealed by de failed Christmas attack, wid betta’ airline security and swifta’ acshun on our intelligence.

What it is, Mama! We’ve prohibited to’ture and strengdened partnerships fum de Pacific t’Soud Asia t’de Arabian Peninsula.

Sheeeiit.

And in de last year, hundreds uh al Qaeda’s fighters and affiliates, includin’ many senio’ leaders, gots’ been captured o’ wasted — far mo’e dan in 2008.

And in Afghanistan, we’re increasin’ our troops and trainin’ Afghan security fo’ces so’s dey kin begin t’ snatch de lead in July uh 2011, and our troops kin begin t’come crib.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) We gots’ta reward baaaad governance, wo’k t’reduce co’rdownshun, and sdownpo’t da damn rights uh all Afghans — dudes and honky chicks alikes.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) We’re joined by allies and partners who gots’ increased deir own commitments, and who gots’ta come togeda’ tomo’row in London t’reaffirm our common purpose.

What it is, Mama! Dere gots’ta be difficult days a’haid.

But ah’ am absolutely confident we gots’ta succeed.

As we snatch de fight t’al Qaeda, we are responsibly leavin’ Iraq t’its sucka’s.

As some candun didate, ah’ promised dat ah’ would end dis war, and dat be whut ah’ am doin’ as President.

We gots’ta all uh our combat troops out uh Iraq by de end uh dis August.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) We gots’ta sdownpo’t da damn Iraqi guv’ment — we gots’ta sdownpo’t da damn Iraqi guv’ment as dey hold elecshuns, and we gots’ta continue t’partna’ wid de Iraqi sucka’s t’promote regional peace and prospuh’ity.

Slap mah fro! But make no mis snatch: Dis war be endin’, and all uh our troops are comin’ crib.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Tonight, all uh our dudes and honky chicks in unifo’m — in Iraq, in Afghanistan, and around da damn wo’ld –- dey gots’ta know dat we — dat dey gots’ our respect, our gratitude, our full sdownpo’t.

And plum as dey must gots’ de resources dey need in war, we all gots’ some responsibility t’sdownpo’t dem when dey mosey on down crib.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Dat’s why we made da damn largest increase in investments fo’ veterans in decades — last year.

Ah be baaad…

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Dat’s why we’re buildin’ some 21st century VA.

And dat’s why Michelle gots’ta joined wid Jill Biden t’fo’ge some nashunal commitment t’sdownpo’t military families.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Now, even as we prosecute two wars, we’re also confrontin’ puh’haps de greatest danga’ to de American sucka’s -– de dreat uh nuclear weapons.

I’ve embraced da damn vision uh Raz’tus F.

Kennedy and Rolo Kingfish drough some strategy dat reverses de spread uh dese weapons and seeks some wo’ld widout dem.

‘S coo’, bro.

To reduce our stockpiles and launchers, while ensurin’ our deterrent, de United States and Russia are completin’ negotsiashuns on de fardest-reachin’ arms control treaty in nearly two decades.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) And at April’s Nuclear Security Summit, we gots’ta brin’ 44 nashuns togeda’ here in Washin’ton, D.C.

behind some clear goal, dig dis: securin’ all vulnerable nuclear materials around da damn wo’ld in foe years, so’s dat dey neva’ fall into de hands uh terro’ists.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Now, dese diplomatic effo’ts gots’ also strengdened our hand in dealin’ wid dose nashuns dat insist on violatin’ internashunal agreements in pursuit uh nuclear weapons.

Dat’s why No’d Ko’ea now faces increased isolashun, and stronga’ sancshuns –- sancshuns dat are bein’ vigo’ously enfo’ced.

Dat’s why de internashunal community be mo’e united, and da damn Islamic Republic uh Iran be mo’e isolated.

And as Iran’s leaders continue t’igno’e deir obligashuns, dere should be no doubt, dig dis: Dey, too, gots’ta face growin’ consequences.

Dat be a promise.

What it is, Mama! (Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Dat’s de leadership dat we are providin’ –- engagement dat advances de common security and prospuh’ity uh all sucka’s.

We’re wo’kin’ drough de G20 t’sustain some lastin’ global recovery.

Slap mah fro! We’re wo’kin’ wid Muslim communities around da damn wo’ld t’promote science and educashun and innovashun.

We gots’ gone fum some bystanda’ to some leada’ in de fight against climate change.

What it is, Mama! We’re helpin’ developin’ countries t’feed demselves, and continuin’ de fight against HIV/AIDS.

And we are launchin’ some new initiative dat gots’ta give us de capacity t’respond fasta’ and mo’e effectively t’bioterro’ism o’ an infectious disease -– some plan dat gots’ta counta’ dreats at crib and strengden public heald abroad.

As we gots’ fo’ ova’ 60 years, America snatch’d dese acshuns cuz’ our destiny be connected t’dose beyond our sho’es.

But we also do it cuz’ it be right.

Dat’s why, as we meet here tonight, ova’ 10,000 Americans are wo’kin’ wid many nashuns t’help de sucka’s uh Haiti recova’ and rebuild.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Dat’s why we stand wid de goat who yearns t’go t’farm in Afghanistan; why we sdownpo’t da damn human rights uh de honky chicks marchin’ drough de streets uh Iran; why we advocate fo’ de yung dude denied some job by co’rdownshun in Guinea.

Sheeeiit.

Fo’ America must always stand on de side uh freedom and human dignity.

Slap mah fro! (Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Always.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Abroad, America’s greatest source uh strengd gots’ta always been our ideals.

De same be true at crib.

We find unity in our incredible diversity, drawin’ on de promise enshrined in our Constitushun: de noshun dat we’re all created equal; dat no matta’ who ya’ are o’ whut ya’ look likes, if ya’ abide by de law ya’ should be protected by it; if ya’ adhere t’our common values ya’ should be treated no different dan anyone else.

What it is, Mama! We must continually renew dis promise.

What it is, Mama! My administrashun gots’ta some Civil Rights Division dat be once again prosecutin’ civil rights violashuns and employment discriminashun.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) We finally strengdened our laws t’protect against crimes rolln by hate.

What it is, Mama! (Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Dis year, ah’ gots’ta wo’k wid Congress and our military t’finally repeal de law dat denies gay Americans de right t’serve da damn country dey love cuz’ of who dey are.

What it is, Mama! (Applause.

What it is, Mama!) It’s de right wahtahmellun t’do.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) We’re goin’ t’crack waaay down on violashuns uh equal pay laws -– so’s dat honky chicks git equal pay fo’ an equal day’s wo’k.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) And we should continue da damn wo’k uh fixin’ our bugger’d immigrashun system -– t’secure our bo’ders and enfo’ce our laws, and ensho’ nuff dat everyone who plays by de rules kin contribute t’our economy and enrich our nashun.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) In de end, it’s our ideals, our values dat built America — values dat allowed us t’fo’ge some nashun made down uh immigrants fum every co’na’ of de globe; values dat roll our citizens still.

Every day, Americans meet deir responsibilities t’deir families and deir employers.

Time and again, dey lend some hand t’deir neighbo’s and give back t’deir country.

Slap mah fro! Dey snatch pride in deir labo’, and are generous in spirit.

Dese ain’t Republican values o’ Democratic values dat dey’re livin’ by; business values o’ labo’ values.

Dey’re American values.

Unfo’tunately, too many uh our citizens gots’ lost faid dat our big-assgest institushuns -– our co’po’ashuns, our media, and, yes, our guv’ment –- still reflect dese same values.

Each uh dese institushuns are full uh hono’able dudes and honky chicks doin’ impo’tant wo’k dat helps our country prospuh’.

But each time some CEO rewards himself fo’ failure, o’ some banka’ puts de rest uh us at risk fo’ his own selfish gain, sucka’s’s doubts grow.

Each time lobbyists game da damn system o’ politicians tear each oda’ waaay down instead uh liftin’ dis country down, we lose faid.

De mo’e dat TV pundits reduce serious debates t’silly arguments, big-ass issues into sound bites, our citizens turn away.

Slap mah fro! No wonda’ dere’s so’s much cynicism out dere.

What it is, Mama! No wonda’ dere’s so’s much disappointment.

I campaigned on de promise uh change –- change we kin recon’ in, de slogan went.

And right now, ah’ know dere are many Americans who ain’t sho’ nuff if dey still recon’ we kin change –- o’ dat ah’ can deliva’ it.

But rememba’ dis –- ah’ neva’ suggested dat change would be easy, o’ dat ah’ could do it alone.

What it is, Mama! Democracy in some nashun uh 300 million sucka’s kin be noisy and messy and complicated.

And when ya’ try t’do big-ass wahtahmelluns and make big-ass changes, it stirs passions and controversy.

Slap mah fro! Dat’s plum how it is.

Dose uh us in public office kin respond t’dis reality by playin’ it safe and avoid tellin’ hard truds and pointin’ fin’ers.

We kin do whut’s necessary t’keep our poll numbers high, and git drough de next elecshun instead uh doin’ whut’s best fo’ de next generashun.

But ah’ also know dis, dig dis: If sucka’s had made dat decision 50 years ago, o’ 100 years ago, o’ 200 years ago, we wouldn’t be here tonight.

De only reason we are here be a’cuz generashuns uh Americans wuz unafraid t’do whut wuz hard; t’do whut wuz needed even when success wuz uncertain; t’do whut it took t’keep de dream uh dis nashun alive fo’ deir children and deir grandchildren.

‘S coo’, bro.

Our administrashun gots’ta had some political setbacks dis year, and some uh dem wuz deserved.

But ah’ wake down every day knowin’ dat dey ainthin’ compared t’de setbacks dat families all across dis country gots’ faced dis year.

Ah be baaad…

And whut keeps me goin’ -– whut keeps me fightin’ -– be dat despite all dese setbacks, dat spirit uh determinashun and optimism, dat fundamental decency dat gots’ta always been at da damn co’e uh de American sucka’s, dat lives on.

‘S coo’, bro.

It lives on in de strugglin’ little-ass business owna’ who wrote t’me uh his company, “None uh us,” he said, “…are willin’ t’consider, even slightly, dat we might fail.” It lives on in de mama who said dat even dough she and ha’ neighbo’s gots’ felt da damn pain uh recession, “We are strong.

We are resilient.

We are American.

‘S coo’, bro.” It lives on in de 8-year-old boy in Louisiana, who plum sent me his allowance and ax’ed if ah’ would give it t’de sucka’s uh Haiti.

Ya’ know? And it lives on in all de Americans who’ve dropped everydin’ t’go someplace dey’ve neva’ been and pull sucka’s dey’ve neva’ knode fum de rubble, promptin’ chants uh “U.S.A..

Right On! U.S.A..

Right On! U.S.A.

Right On! ” when anoda’ life wuz saved.

De spirit dat gots’ta sustained dis nashun fo’ mo’e dan two centuries lives on in ya’, its sucka’s.

We gots’ finished some difficult year.

Ah be baaad…

We gots’ mosey on down drough some difficult decade.

What it is, Mama! But some new year gots’ta come.

What it is, Mama! A new decade stretches befo’e us.

We duzn’t quit.

ah’ duzn’t quit.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Let’s seize dis moment — t’start anew, t’carry de dream fo’ward, and t’strengden our union once mo’e.

What it is, Mama! (Applause.

What it is, Mama!) Dank ya’.

God bless ya’.

And God bless de United States uh America.

Sheeeiit.

(Applause.

What it is, Mama!)